Courtship Chemistry

Body language is the study of nonverbal communication. Since 93 percent of the impressions you make on people are non-verbal, it may be helpful to understand not only the impression you give people but what people are really saying when they talk to you. Research was done at the University of Pennsylvania to observe how body language affects the impression people make of each other. The study revealed that 55 percent of the impression people form of you is based on your postures, body movements and gestures, 38 percent was based on the tone (tempo and frequency) of your voice, and only 7 percent was based on what you say.

Nonverbal communication can be defined as "communication without words through multiple communication channels". This is not an end-all definition though; there is still some dispute as to whether nonverbal communication includes unconscious movements and nonverbal communication methods vary between different cultures.

The body language of love is a well researched topic. Even a basic understanding of other people's reactions could make a new relationship bloom or can be used to save yourself from the embarrassment of rejection. Flirting is an emotional state and therefore has specific nonverbal body movements associated with it.

^{Body language tells all. Image Credit: Photostock}

In the book "The Definitive Book of Body Language", the chapter on courtship discusses the nuances of male and female courting. The book first defines 'sexy' as highlighting gender differences; this means that a man will make himself look more masculine and aggressive, while a woman will make herself look more feminine and submissive. It was interesting to read that women call most of the shots during the courtship "dance". While men may appear to make the first move because they walked across the room, they only did that because the woman was sending them signals that she wants to be approached. Studies show that women initiate up to 90 percent of flirtatious encounters this way.

The Sequence of Events

There is a predictable sequence of events that happen between two people who find each other attractive.

1. Eye contact- Eye contact is a very powerful tool in almost every aspect of socialization. For most courtships, eye contact is the first thing that gets noticed. On average, the woman needs to make, and hold eye contact for five seconds with the targeted man three times before he realizes what's going on. But the gaze starts the flirting process.

2. Smiling- The woman then must deliver one or two fleeting smiles which is supposed to give the man the green light to approach. Unfortunately this is where most men miss the signal, leaving the women feeling that he is not interested.

3. Preening- This targets the animalistic nature in all of us. We want to be noticed for the things that make our gender unique and attractive. Women will sit up straight to emphasize their breasts and cross their legs or ankles to show them to their best advantage. If she is standing, she may tilt her hips and tip her head to one shoulder exposing her neck. Women will also play with their hair, lick her lips, or adjust her clothing or jewelry. A man will respond by standing taller, pulling in his stomach, expanding his chest, and adjusting his clothes and hair. This is all done as a sign of grooming for the opposite gender. They will also point their toes, feet or bodies at each other.

4. Talk- He'll approach and make small talk (often using cheesy pick up lines).

5. Touch- She'll attempt to initiate a light touch on the arm or hand. A hand touch is a higher level of intimacy, but each level of touch is repeated to check that the other person is comfortable with that level. Shaking hands is a quick way to move to the touch stage.

OK now that you know what should happen, you have to know how to make it happen. I'll talk about that in Part 2 of this blog post coming soon.

Resources

Body Language: In state of flirting

Reading Body Language

Pease, Allan, and Barbara Pease. The Definitive Book of Body Language. New York: Bantam, 2006. Print.