Courtship Chemistry

So…we're again reaching into the back of HUSH's mind to produce an anecdote that will segue into a good CR4 post for Courtship Chemistry. Are you prepared? I'm not.

A couple years ago, I was dating a very beautiful woman. Think Vicki Vale kind of beautiful. Anyway, we had spent about three months casually seeing each other, but we never had "the talk." The talk I'm referring to, of course, is the one that defines a couple's relationship. If "the truth shall set you free," then the talk will deprive you equally so.

...via Bernos

Yet, there can be a damning grey area before this talk arises. And in the case of my Vicki Vale, my procrastination of the talk tempted Vicki to the fruit of another. It was a lesson learned the hard way, as lessons of love are often taught.

I wonder though, what made Vicki consider her options? Is there a scientific conclusion? And even if Vicki didn't cheat, what causes infidelity. I did some digging, so let's see what you think about my shallow conclusions from what I found. Mmmmkay?

...via Sure Villa

It turns out fidelity is linked to something called 'attachment theory.' Essentially, attachment theory explains how people think, feel and behave in interpersonal relationships. Humans have their first experiences with attachment theory during the toddler stages of life, where the youngster uses their parents as a springboard and emotional measuring stick for their physical actions. The style of attachment between the parent and the child can be boiled down to one of four styles.

...via Wikimedia

These four styles of attachment roughly translate to romantic and sexual adult relationships. The four types of attachment for adults are secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Securely-attached individuals are confident of their partners and relationships, and can develop a good balance of intimacy and independence. Anxious-preoccupied adults are very dependent, and seek approval and response from the partners often. These individuals are less confident of their relationships and partner, and are more prone to worry and emotional impulsiveness. Dismissive-avoidant attachment styles are characterized by suppressed feelings, extreme independence, and low-opinions of their partners. Like dismissive-avoidant individuals, fearful-avoidant individuals suppress emotions, but often believe they are the ones unworthy in the relationship.

Out of these four, secure individuals are the least likely to cheat on their partners, while anxious-preoccupied individuals are most likely to cheat. This is due to their extreme need for approval and attention, and even a mild affection holdout from their significant other could be enough to push them to "the cheating side of town." Avoidant-attachment individuals tend to have "average" rates of cheating, or at least median rates.

...via Venus Genus

However, if we're looking at cheaters as individuals, it's probably worth looking at the subjective nature of cheating. Some people may thinking cheating starts at flirting, and others may say it starts when "the nipple makes its first appearance."

Studies have found that twice as many men as women say they'd be upset more by sexual infidelity than by emotional infidelity. This could be traced back to an evolutionary behavior providing incentive for both partners. If a woman becomes impregnated by another man, then her spouse loses her ability to reproduce for at least nine months, and he'll be left with another man's child which could take resources from his own offspring. This is in contrast to if a woman developed feelings for another man, but she did not have intercourse with that man. On the flip side, a woman would care more about her male mate's emotional infidelity, because that is essentially what commits the man to the woman, the family, and their preservation. Intercourse outside of this relationship is less likely to lead to him abandoning her than if he were to develop feelings for another woman.

...via Author's Den

That's not to say males were unconcerned with the affections of their women, or that women were unconcerned with where their husbands may lie at night. Evidence only suggests that these factors are diminished in comparison. Evidence also suggest that because of the traditional male role model (tough, domineering, emotionless), men are more likely to have dismissive or fearful-avoidant attachment styles, while women-whose traditional gender roles (yuck!) instill compassion and emotional development-are more likely to have secure attachment styles. Again, we're speaking in generalizations here, so deviations always occur.

Does that make men more likely cheat? Not so, says Men's Health, who-not surprisingly with its readership base-lays the blame of male cheating on the biological need to reproduce, inattentive spouses, and boredom.

...via How to Stop Divorce

Does the perception exist that men cheat more than women? Yes. In large part this is from media coverage. TIME author Jeffrey Kluger believes that cheating men are more visible because they abuse their power. Think Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Tiger Woods. Kluger also believes that there is more public outcry, and therefore coverage, because these already successful men are living a life provided the admiration of proletariat, and they should have the moral fiber not to abuse it.

So, let's get a wrap on this. Was HUSH's Vicki Vale one of many wolves in a sheepish disguise? It seems more likely that men and women cheat at about the same rate . However, some recent studies have signaled that women cheat more than men; they're just better at keeping it a secret.

Resources

Science of Relationships - How Not to Get Played; Gurls (and Boys) Gone Wild: Commitment and Infidelity during Spring Break

News Olio: Relationship advice: What causes infidelity?

The Daily Beast: Of Sex and 'Soulmates'