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Twice the Love

Posted April 08, 2017 12:00 AM by M-ReeD
Pathfinder Tags: behavior Marriage

For those of you capable of handling twice the love life, you are in luck! According to a recent study from the University of Michigan, couples participating in open marriages may have the same levels of satisfaction in their relationships than folks in traditional marriages do.

If Lifetime movies are to be believed (and, let’s face it, aren’t they?), open relationships typically begin as the result of one participant losing their spark for the other and going out to pursue a more passionate situation with a third party. That second relationship becomes elevated to an unearthly pedestal, and the dissatisfied spouse and third party hatch a plan to kill the lusterless spouse.

Apart from the killing (a detail grossly neglected by this study), all of the steps would seem logical.

Well, not so. Leave it to those frisky folks at the University of Michigan to make the idea of an open relationship less Lifetime-scary and more appealing.

Assessing the different types of relationships through 2,124 individuals (1,507 in monogamous relationships; 617 in open relationships) over the age of 25, researchers asked the participants questions concerning five factors: satisfaction, commitment, trust, jealousy, and passionate love (ew, gross).

Of the five components, the researchers found little difference between the two types of marriages (open and not-open) in the satisfaction and passionate love categories. However, most notably, the difference existed in the jealousy and trust categories. People in open relationships reported having higher levels of trust in their relationships and lower levels of jealousy.

Another finding: For those participating in open relationships, the individual had more satisfaction, trust, commitment, and passionate love in their primary relationship than in their secondary relationship; a finding that seems to challenge commonsense reasons for opening up a marriage in the first place.

Not sure I know that many people who can manage two different relationships, but you only live once (or YOLO, as the kids say!)!

Do you believe that open marriages can be successful?

Image credit:

Simpleinsomnia / CC BY 2.0

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Guru

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#1

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 12:40 AM

Meh. What does this have to do with engineering? Seems to me this something more apropos to Cosmo, Psych Today or one of those rags.

Not biting. Sorry.

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#2
In reply to #1

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 4:05 AM

Agreed,...

but I'll bite and rain on the parade , because that's what I do .... so why, (1) guy and (2) women,... why not (2) guys and (1) women... or (6) guys and (3) women... or (3) guys, (1) women, (2) transsexual males and (5) transsexual females, or ,.... well you get the point.

and then someone introduces a STD into this pseudo homogenous group,... then this group goes from Cosmo or Psych Today to Jerry Springer.

nah,... I have more then, if not excitement, but drama with just one mate in my life. And that is not only for-filling enough but satisfying for me... and her.

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#4
In reply to #2

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 10:11 AM

"...pseudo homogenous group..."

..er, what? That one threw me off, especially after the link you provided in your first paragraph.

Whatever. Why should anyone be bothered what esoteric gender a person wants to identify with? And as long as it remains mutually consensual between adults, why should anyone not in the relationship between the least bit concerned or feel entitled to affect the decision?

.

The methodology of this research puts the utility of the findings in question. Relying on self reported assessments of these aspects that would commonly be viewed as key differences between these nontraditional relationships and traditional relationships is riddled with problems.

.

As far as this not being engineering..sure it is. This is process/production engineering. Just testing alternative arrangements for layout, logistics, flow, asset acquisition, etc.

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Guru

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#3

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 9:43 AM

I'm too old for that two girls and me thing any more. It's younger man's game and drama to deal with now.

It never made me feel twice as loved. Just twice as distracted, tired and above all twice as henpecked and broke.

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Guru

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#7
In reply to #3

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 4:10 PM

Frog: Kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess, and we can marry and live happily ever after!

Engineer: I'm so busy I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is kind of cool!

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#9
In reply to #7

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 9:59 PM

Yea, I kinda turned into that guy once maturity and basic sense set in.

Got some hellacious good memories from before then though.

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#5

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 11:44 AM

Anything can work for a while....and nothing lasts forever...Relationships are like performance art, everything can be perfect one moment surrounded by admiring fans, and then evaporate into thin air the next with everyone headed for the exits...Your wildest dreams can be fulfilled in one instant, and your worst nightmare can occur in the next....humans are unstable creatures and emotionally ambivalent, they live a good part of their lives in a fantasy world of their own making and the rest trying to fulfill those dreams with some foundation of reality, if you can play a role that fulfills a need in someone else's world, while simultaneously fulfilling some part in yours, then you have achieved a relationship...If you're good at it, you can have several....but trying to do several at the same time, is just cocky....

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#6

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 12:33 PM

Seems to have worked for Warren Buffet.

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#22
In reply to #6

Re: Twice the Love

04/15/2017 2:08 PM

I think it worked for Mr. Buffett because it was not the real deal.

Real deal polyamory makes LGBT challenges look like a cake walk. Genuine polyamory is as different, relationship to relationship, as one boy-one girl, in a way the penultimate test of maturity, transparency and honesty. In short, polyamory is one helluva lot of work, not leaving much time for STEM. If you are afraid of heights, forget about climbing mountains; polyamory is even more challenging...and well worth it for a very select few.

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#23
In reply to #22

Re: Twice the Love

04/15/2017 2:45 PM

So, if, to you, genuine polyamory is 'the penultimate test of maturity, transparency, and honesty', you must have some ultimate test in mind.

Don't leave us in suspense....you told us what comes in second place, it is only fair for you to divulge what you judge to be first.

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#8

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 5:19 PM

I find it interesting that the list of notable polyamorists and the similar list of open marriages on wikipedia is remarkably absent of those in STEM fields. The lists are almost exclusively comprised of those in fields that fall squarely in liberal arts; actors, journalists, authors, radio hosts, playwrites, cartoonists and a smattering of psychologists/philosophers/cognition theoriticians.

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#10

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 11:22 PM

My wife's grandfather had 3 wives.

In some cultures, this arrangement has been going on for quite a number of years.

Too bad cr4 wasn't introduced two thousand + years ago, cause we could of read this question then.

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#11

Re: Twice the Love

04/08/2017 11:50 PM

"Do you believe that open marriages can be successful?" Yes, they can be very successful- at starting a Pandemic! V.D.or AIDs

Thanks but .... No Thank's I'll stick with mono

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#14
In reply to #11

Re: Twice the Love

04/09/2017 9:10 AM

'..

.No Thank's I'll stick with mono...'

.

That's kind of an odd preferenxe for an STD. Though as 'mono' it does sound more acceptable than 'herpesvirus #4'.

Still if mono is being spread, people have been sharing saliva (and/or other bodily fluids) with more than just their significant other.

In fact if mono is going around, those conditoons are probably just fertile ground for a Valentines Day pandemic as an open marraige conference.

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#15
In reply to #14

Re: Twice the Love

04/09/2017 5:49 PM

Sorry, I was too lazy to spell out "monogamous" last night, then after thinking about, I started wonder'n who's go'n to run with it

Anyhow, without doing a 10-year (health) background check, I'll stay with "monogamy"

I had several good laughs at my older brother suffering from clap he picked up, thinking he was all "Mr. Stud"!

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#12

Re: Twice the Love

04/09/2017 12:10 AM

Makes for some fine dining @

wye cafe′

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#13

Re: Twice the Love

04/09/2017 5:28 AM

More than one woman in a marriage can bring lasting happiness. I speak from experience!

I regularly saw another man's wife before I was married, in fact I lived with her for a long time. And after marriage, I carried on seeing her at regular intervals with my wife present, often reminded by my wife if I left it too long.

But sadly it came to and end when she died. We were all heart broken and have since shared the happy memories and all the better for being in this long term successful relationship.

I do miss her! It was my mum!

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#16

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 11:18 AM

I think this falls into the category of religion and politics, or paranormal research. It seems to have this "mind over matter" quality, where "if you don't mind, then it does not matter". However, I have used to be involved in crime scene investigation (to the extent of evidence collection in cooperation with detectives, Texas Rangers, etc.).

Too many times, someone gets their feelings hurt, feels betrayed, is betrayed, and then the ugly stuff rears its head. My advise - steer clear - as far afield as you can. If someone is not devoted to a relationship between just you and them, there is your clue there are not someone you should attempt to anchor an entire future with.

That is just MHO! Therefore, my answer would be a resounding NO! But do go ahead and proceed with your self-delusion if you must.

Having relatives to also talk to and work with is another good reason to monogamous relationships. People get confused as to who is doing what with whom.

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#17
In reply to #16

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 11:24 AM

everyone fine and complacent with it.... until it hits the fan... then the very same ones who was once alright with it, feels victimized... you invite drama in your life... your get it.

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#18
In reply to #16

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 2:52 PM

Of course crimes of passion make up a sizeable portion of violent crimes, but that really doesn't say much, in an of itself about open relationships.

Personally, I don't think they would work well for the vast majority of people, but that also doesn't say much about how open relationships relate to violence or how successful they might be.

I don't have data to support this conjecture, but I suspect the majority of crimes of passion do not involve consentual informed open relationships. I suspect most crimes of passion are associated with either relationships that one partner has attempted to end or where one partner is perceived as covertly breaking the understood rules.

It would be interesting to have more data to see how far honesty gets.

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#19
In reply to #18

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 2:56 PM

Honesty is a good life insurance policy, and with that comes that nasty little thing about one not defrauding the other. Oops.

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#20
In reply to #19

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 6:34 PM

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened" Churchill

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#21
In reply to #20

Re: Twice the Love

04/10/2017 6:38 PM

And then some need to run to the Doc! As my older brother did several times

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