An open letter to the parents of CR4

Not to defend the people you saw but it is understandable (which is not to say that I agree with them).

If I took the time to stand in line, I expect other people to do the same. However, there have been occassions when someone asks to go first because of their child's condition. This has happened several times already and I am more than glad to let them through. My point is, if you let me know why, it's fine with me.

Perhaps most of those people didn't know (though I know some people who don't care even if they knew - let them wait). If I were Disneyland, I'd have a special gate for you on the rides. I'd also have big signs at the rides or a leaflet explaining these things. Maybe even a special t-shirt, just to let people know. I think most people would be more accomodating if they knew.

Of course, there will still be people who think otherwise. For them, I say again, let them wait.

regards,

Vulcan

So you would have 'us' stand out that much more? We had to show a special pass to the operators as it was... Not like we walked up and just got onto the ride. I know the feelings as well... I was feeling this way about some other stuff a few years ago, until I really started thinking about what could really be going on. We, my wife and I, have been given cards to hand out that say something to the effect that our child is flipping out and because of....blah, blah, blah... We have been given enough .02 cents to have a small fortune. I do not need a card to hand out to people trying to tell me how to handle my son... I have no problem in telling them that he is Autistic. That I have it under control...

Ferris

You are right, we want the children to beheve and be behaved as normal (no, by God's or whateve grace i don'r have one) but it hurts me when people look with pity or compassion and make sounds about the ones not so fortunate.

Let a child be a child. Who bothers let us not our-self point out these things to them and let us build up the society to treat them.

It is the unfortunate for you that the people you met didn't understand. When an ambulance passes us in a heavy traffic we do understand and give way, it is the societal requirement to give priorities.

PS: I too get impatient. In our place there are something more handicapped than those medically challenged. They are called VIPs (mostly politicians). I have not learnt to treat them along the most challenged (handicap is a word not used here and are a taboo) section of the society.

My wife's in a wheelchair and sometimes we can't park in the handicap spot with the wide hatchers for her van's ramp, because someone has parked on the hatchers, or parked poorly and takes up enough of the space that there isn't room to use the ramp. If I were In Charge, I would sentence everyone who does that to one day of being in a wheelchair themselves; then they would understand and have enough simple empathy and kindness to park properly.

But for some unfathomable reason I find myself most emphatically not in charge of anything at all... So I content myself with imagining those people having to muddle through the routine my wife executes everyday, cheerfully and with a smile on her face. You see, she has a motorized wheelchair that she can control with a joystick, and a van outfitted so that either she or I can drive it.

Had she been born a mere fifty years earlier, her life would have been confined to wherever she could go with someone to push her around and pick her up and put her in and out of the chair in order to travel anywhere.

Attitude is everything, and the best thing you can do for your son is teach him to have a good one, despite his handicaps. That's what my wife's folks did for her, and she is a gem - I wouldn't trade her for a harem of seventy-two able bodied virgins.

I think I was just trying to put forward the idea that "we" as a WHOLE need to be more patient in certain situations... I know Mrs Ferris and I always get a kick out of seeing people in certain situations that leave them honking their horns (in traffic) and yelling...I am always trying to difuse our situation with humor. What I was seeing was peeps looking at us as if we were abusing a priveldge, when in reality we were just trying to have an enjoyable day out and about. I have always taught my children (my oldest will be 21 this year) that any person with a "handicap" ( I use parenthesis because I know of many that try and not let theirs affect their lives) is to be res[ected and not made fun of.

I can understand anymosity...(?). Maybe I should just sit in line and let jr flip out and then everyone would understand the reason for the pass . No, I would not do that to my son...I Love him too much.

Thanks all for your responses. Vulcan, I am sorry I replied to you that way ... Glad to be back Kris, my friend.

Ferris

...sorry I replied to you that way...

No problem, Ferris. Please accept my appologies as well.

Take care and God bless you and your family.

regards,

Vulcan

You've got people to air some really good points of view, and I reckon it'll help a lot of people. Nice one !

I try mate, I try... Had a crappy end to my day, came here and I see all of this good stuff. Thanks guys!

I have a nice big smile on my mug now

Ferris

That reminds me of an event that happened at the Art Gallery of Ontario in Toronto.

Sculptures donated by Henry Moore were put on display with the cursory 'do not touch' appendage. A blind arts student soon put the gallery on the defensive by pointing out that Moore, in his own words, meant for his work to be felt. The truth was that Moore meant it literally and not as some claimed to be a mere figure of speech. A lot of stuffed shirts soon deflated and the fences were taken down.

Today, many blind and otherwise disabled people come to this exhibit to experience his work on those levels we 'normals' take for granted.

Couldn't agree with you Moore.....! A more sensitive understanding is definately in order for those cast off as somehow being less than human.

In Canada and up until the mid 70's it was illegal for those afflicted with certain disorders to be married or have sex within the institutions they found themselves in. Their only inability was to communicate from the prison of their body.

Until my nerves gave out I worked as a 'camping' volunteer in such a place. It wasn't the kids that drove me over the edge...it was the management (eg...two were allowed to get married but were not allowed to have sex).

Maybe Toronto is a common factor!

The incident I mentioned occurred at the ROM.

Given the situation I'd imagine they must get a fair share of raucus school trips and it's a knee jerk reaction on their part. Either that or the guard hasn't been tuned in yet.

I know it doesn't sound fair but sometimes the onus is on the parents to explain the situation.

A similar thing happened to me when a chum and I threw a bunch of muscular dystrophic kids into the water......wheelchair and all. At first they were terrified but soon erupted with high pitched squeals and screams which others on the beach misunderstood to be panic (which it was...at first...none had ever been 'swimming' before).

Recall one arrogant asshole who insisted we go where the public couldn't see them. He said it in such a way as to insinuate these kids to be imbecilic and who could not possibly understand his words. They weren't imbeciles and they did understand...most are incredibly bright! Before I had a chance to level this clown the other patrons of this beach came to their rescue. Sometimes it takes an incident like this to re-affirm one's faith in being human.

Later that evening we delivered six happily sunburned and dishevelled chatterboxes back to the home.

Hmm, then there are those Toronto to Vancouver flights and some brat is screaming all the way and having temper tantrums.

Someone calls out "Who's killing that kid?...................If not, why not?"

We all have our limits too.

Being a parent of handycapped kids doesn't always make one tolerant all the time. Then we feel guilty of loosing patience, be it with our own or others.

Maybe we need some respite (or cave time) to keep it all together.

(Oh, right, then we can't find anyone to help out for even a weekend away!)

Jr travels pretty well...do not know how he would fare on a plane. Mrs Ferris and I would lie to get away, a weekend is all we trust anybody with jr though. The whole thing with the Gluten Free Cassein Free diet come into play with this and then there is the deal with making sure that he is getting the proper amount of attention and everything

Ferris

After 25 years we finally got 2 weeks away by ourselves.

The kids are just reaching the point of (limited) independence.

It was wonderful!

Now if we could have them achieve financial independence that would relieve a huge worry for their future.

Good for you... I hope that you enjoyed that weekend! Probably trying to figure the next one, huh? I am always paranoind about leaving jr with anyone else. He just gets into SUCH mischief, he knows no fear when it comes to climbing things, or jumping off of things. My lil' dare devil. Well I hope that you get another vacation and that you can get them on their way to some sort of independence.

Cheers

I wish I had the answer.

I know Ontario closed it day centres courtesy budget restraints. In actual fact the money went to the rural development of golf courses! Our premier at the time was a golf groupie.......and a thug!

Hi Ferris,

Well, Sir, folks always find SOMETHING complain about ...

I can relate to what you say from a slightly different perspective. I have 3 kids, now grown (although not always acting like it). Number one has had a lot of 'misfortune' in his life, and I find myself often 'helping out'. Number two, on the other hand, had had a 'blessed' life, now living the suburban dream (house, two cars, motorcycle, wife, two kids, all happy and healthy). However, number two always 'busts my chops' saying I always do 'more' for the other than for him. I listen, it hurts a little, but in the final assessment I simply remind him that if it were HE who suffered all the same misfortune, I would do the same for him ... asking further, do you want to suffer the same as your brother just to get these few, small benefits? Someday, he'll figure it out.

ON THE CONTRARY, and something I really hate and fight against, is the unfair and unnecessary advantage of some because of their 'station' or 'class' in society. I live in China, and have had several (wonderful, I might add) experiences with medical facilities here. However, because I am a foreigner, when I need to see some specialist or visit some specific department, they hustle me directly inside, past maybe a large crowd of others waiting, just because I am a 'VIP'. I hate that, and I refuse, much to the dismay of those trying to do me a 'favor'. I wouldn't like it if it happened to me. I hate doing it to others.

Friend, you know this favor for your son won't always happen, nor should it, but when such is freely given, please enjoy it ... allow him to enjoy it ... and disregard those who just don't (yet) understand. Maybe when there is a chance, if appropriate, explain to him it is just a gift, and gifts don't come every day.

I truly appreciate your heart and your perspective.

Kind regards ...

Yes, I have brought the topic of Autism here to CR4; especially, the correlation of this uhmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmmm neurological disorder and its tie in with shots/vaccinations...Thimerasol (ethyl Mercury) and Alminum are both found in shots. They are there in the vial (containing mulitple shot doses) to kill off any sort of "bug", or what have you, that can be introduced into the bottle when a new needle has been poked into it... Make sense? Both of these are Neuro toxins and when you throw Flouride into the mix (go to any store and look at what they are pushing onto unsuspecting parents as "nursery water" - it is water that contians flouride for "strong teeth and healthy bones" YEAH right!!!! )

We are going to a support group that meets once a month, it is a group called TACA (or Talk About Curing Autism)...there have been some interesting subjects.

One evening a researcher did a presentation and stated that he had been studying Autism for over 25 years. He told us that he had been looking into the way that the brain was developing in utero and after birth. One of his findings was that the brains of Autistic kids were "too big" for their age. Kinda like a 2 year old kid might have a head/brain the size of a kid that is 3-4 years old. The brain size, he said, was because of an over abundance of synopsis and whatever the rest of the brain parts are called.

This is not necessarily the reason kids become Autistic...he said that it was a factor but that he had no way of knowing what was pulling the trigger and pushing the kids over the edge and regressing into Autism (could it be the shots maybe?!?)

Oh, yeah... It is good to be back

Ferris

Hi Ferris,

Sorry to learn about your son's disability. If I would have been in your place I would not have looked at others waiting long hours in "Q". I would have simply walked off. After all you had Guest Access Pass which gave you legal permission to go straight without waiting hours in line. If anyone had dared to stop me I would have shown him my pass.

In India we had produced one film called "Tare Zamin Par" meaning "stars on the earth". It was about child suffering from Autism. It was nominated last year for Oscar Awards but unfortunately could not win it. But this year Indian film "Slumdog Millionaire" has won 8 Oscars.It's song "Jai Ho" meaning "Victory be yours" is very popular even in U.S.

So finally I suggest forget the whole incident and carry on with your normal job. "Jai Ho".

Suresh Sharma.

I have to admit I would probably be one of the people in line with a frown on my face. But only because I would have thought you were some BIG SHOT that thought he was to important to stand in line like the rest of us. I have to admit even if you were as well known Steve Jobs I wouldn't recognize you. So I wouldn't know if you were a BIG SHOT or not.I would have just assumed that's why you got the privilege you did.

But if I had any idea that the real reason was because of your unfortunate situation it wouldn't bother me in the least. And most people would probably feel this way.

I realize you don't want to publicly announce to the world why you are getting the special treatment. But you have to look at it from the other side. These people had no idea why you got to go to the head of the line. They just saw a family getting to go to the head of the line while they had to wait one more second to get on the ride. I didn't even know these kinds of passes were available. Guess I should consider myself lucky that I didn't need to know either. I've never really had to deal with any sort of disability with a family member so I have no idea what you have to deal with on a daily basis.

And if any of this comes out the wrong way I apologize. I'm not always very good at putting my feelings into words. I hope you take this as it was intended and not the way in may sound.

So all I can say to you is IGNORE the Igorant people and enjoy your day with your family.

Mr.Ferris & Family,

The following facts could be an eye opener in this issue.

1]Mr.Ferris and their family had been so empathatical in understanding the genuiene feelings of people who were resklessly waiting for long hours along with their kids.

2]Most of the people would not have been knowing the real reason for the direct pass, probably a misconcept that you were a VIP category.This happens so often in countries like INDIA-you pay more you will be so close to GOD[diety].

3]Many people are impatient to follow QUE,just because they assume themselves to be special grade people and expect their unwaited,direct quick access,no problem about their means.pay more,bribing,referring so and so as relative or a deliberate force.If you happened to see the public buses, how school children rush for nothing

4]How many parents wait for normal entries for their son's/daughtrs's seats in schools/coleges/courses?The common attitude is Iwant every BEST to my kid at any cost.Just don't bother about others.Go and volunteer themselves for huge donations and force institutions to try their luck of speculative seat costs,victimizing have nots.

5]It is this impatience costs the society.We should be used for waitings in public and teach our kids to follow Q's and accept what and when they get but motivate to do better.

6]Prehaps a pre booking and limited entry system at similar places could be a wise decision of parks to aviod congestion.HOUSE FULL games displays?

7]Let public be generous in understanding disabled and facilitate courtesy.

8]Think alternate ways of amusements aviding crowding.

S.Udhayamarthandan

After having stood in line for a half hour, forty five-minutes or an hour how much longer would the entrance of one little boy and his parents add to the wait. I believe anyone who would go to those types of theme parks would already be aware that there are circumstances when someone may be allowed entrance ahead of others, and usually for good reason.

Ferris - I give you many kudos for what appears to be making as normal a life as possible for your son. Many people in your situation wouldn't even try to take their child to such a place no matter how much he/she wanted to go... for any disability there is a stigma attached and a lot of people would stay at home... versus living life to its fullest.

I myself am disabled. Not to the extent of having to use a wheelchair yet, but that day will come. I have my handicapped placard and use it only on bad days as I know there are others who are in more need. And to be honest, I am still in the state of denial, and I don't want to be different than others... I even try not to use my cane... even though it is beneficial. Why - because I just want to fit in and be normal and not draw attention to myself. Of course when half through shopping I fall flat on my face - that whole theory goes right out the window and I get a told you so from my partner.

Do the best you can with what you have, go after whatever extra help is available when possible, pay no attention to the ignorant that don't want to know, and provide brief explanations to those who do.

To all - give your children/spouses/partners all the love they deserve, a chance to be as independent possible, and help them do as many things in life as they want!

Hello Ferris,

Happy Birthday to your son. This is a sad blog. You could share your experience with Disneyland. It might enable them to re-engineer how they facilitate guests who needs to use a "Guest Assistance Pass". They are experts at crowd engineering, they can enhance your experience and that of the waiting crowd.

There should be no need to educate the general public as to why you need assistance. Their reactions are human not humane, while they are wrestling with their own childrens anxiety and excitement. Most Americans are caring thoughtful people but have their guards up for scams and mis-use of privelege, and rightfully so. In line is not the time or place to have a vote on who should have assistance or not. Disneyland has already made the decision and it should be seamlessly enacted. My thoughts and admiration go out to you for giving a great day out to your son.

Best regards

What gets me is the delinquent makeup of those who have someone with a disability in their family and use the Disabled Parking sticker/license as their own personal commodity.

Currently in Canada persons of this ilk run the risk of a $1000 fine. As someone who has cared for a disabled person I wouldn't think twice to add another zero to that figure.

I fully agree!

Like the guy who has a sticker (probably for someone else in the family) and parks in the handicapped spot to take a dance lesson!

I must say though, it is not always obvious. When I pick up my blind son at the school I use the handicapped spot, otherwise he can't find the car, and navigating through a busy parking lot is difficult for him. Sometimes you get peculiar looks driving in and parking, then waiting until class gets out. School staff start to eventually figure it out and even tell him dad is waiting.

Ferris, just on a lighter note, if you have any friends built like linebackers and they have hairy knuckles that drag the ground, take them along the next time you take your son to Disneyland. You might also have your friends wear t-shirts that have the words "Complaint Dept." on them in big block letters.

Anybody that found out that my wife was carrying a boy when she was pregnant made the comment that he was for sure going to be a linebacker . I was always getting a kick out of this because my wife is a full time football lover...and we had always talked about getting any of our kids into popwarner (jr. football)... He is huge, fast... Maybe someday .

Thank you all again for all the kind words I give you all GA's

Ferris

Same thing happens if people use the Disney 'fast pass', granted I do not know if they are available in California, but they are in Florida, and I use them every time I go,why wait in line if I don't have to. Same deal for people who attend on their birthday, and the option is open for everyone.

Both my daughter and I have a birthday in July and this year we plan on going to Disney Florida, great fun, two days of not having to stand in line, of course after two weeks, and my birthday is second in line, I may not want to do any more rides...