Why you should by stock in TUMS

The excess CO2 is making the oceans more acidic, and those animals who use Calcium to make shells may find themselves out-competed by the carbonate formation process.

Therefore then, it behooves each person to buy some TUMS, and go down to the ocean, and fling them in each, separately.

This will make a world-wide run on _^TUMS, and you (with this insider information...) will make a killling on your stock. Please forward 10% of your gain to me. (this is called a "Contingency Consulting fee". If you would rather have a "flat rate" for services, please forward $500 (US) ASAP.) Your having read this constitutes agreement with the terms expressed herein. No weasling. _{(Note personal avatar: you can't "out weasel" a weasel. Send money.)}

_{This constitutes an effort to attempt to find some humor in the circumstances we have brought upon ourselves by ignorantly having done what we have done as a species to Earth. ....}