'Twas the Night Before Startup

Just for CRfun, at this time of year! And before anybody says it: I have no plans to quit my day job. Merry Christmas CR4!

'Twas the night before startup, and all through the plants

all the hard hats were working, like carpenter ants;

Mechanics were welding with precision and care,

And paid no attention to their singed hair;

Project managers nestled all warm in their beds,

While visions of bonuses danced in their heads;

Operators at the ready, me at my keyboard,

We all settled down, frustrated and bored.

When out on the site there arose such a ruckus

We all wondered: NOW, what's going to f*** us?

Away to the window we flew like a flash,

And covered our ears, as something started to crash.

The construction lights shone as the 50 ton crane

Sliced high voltage cables, an electricians bane.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But three electricians, faces full of fear.

But the crane operator, whose name was Slim,

Jumped and ran from the scene. Last we saw of him.

Out from under their rocks the supervisors came,

And argued for hours, on who to blame.

It was lighting, it was traffic, whiskey and drugs!

Who cares? Let's just fix it, you whimpering slugs!

Grab some bodies! Get new cable!

Pull it! Rewire it! As fast as your able!

Someone bypassed an interlock to let the water fly,

Which hammered a valve, that flew toward the sky,

So up to the jobsite, a new valve they flew,

The mechanics replaced it, with bodies too few.

Then the Wet ESP, with 30K Volt;

Gave our electronics, an incredible jolt.

As I pulled out a card, and was looking around,

The terminal board traces, made a fizzling sound.

The instrument tech, always busy of course,

Came in the control room, and his voice was hoarse;

A bag of tools was strapped to his back,

He'd fixed the bad flue probe, and his face was black.

He snarled and cussed, WHO was the man,

Who started up the forced draft fan?

Then one operator crept away from his station,

And decided to take a little vacation.

For a scapegoat, the managers looked all around;

When the 850HP blower, burnt to the ground.

No way was it right, no way was it fair;

They picked an innocent man, just because he was there.

My knees went weak, and my heart went thump;

Seeing the force of a 600HP PD pump.

The dangers involved, became suddenly real;

Seeing it bend an 1&1/4" hastelloy steel.

The Chief Engineer, was a crusty old sot

He'd never missed a deadline, and said I tell you what;

Mind those temperatures, stand by on the switches,

Were gonna start this plant, you sons-a-B****'s!

We worked our buns off, and won the fight;

That brand new plant, ran through the night.

So here's to all, from me and my wife;

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a SAFE life!"