Nice But Confusing

You face a serious moral dilema. Unlike many however, you have taken a good moral approach to the question.

This is a bit like a conflict of interests for an engineer who works for one organisation and sometimes shares information on this site.

Ultimately the answer to your question is "What is the right thing to do?" (Not what can you get away with, or what can you hide?)

I think from you tone that you already know the answer (in your heart) but need confirmation.

There are only two people who can resolve this. You need to find whether your long time friend want to remain a long term friend, or become more serious.

Take some "personal time" away from both and think it through. The consequences of rushing and getting this wrong impact the lives of all three of you.

Remember, it is OK to have girls who are friends while having a "girlfriend".

Hi,

Thank you for your good advice~

B/Rgds.

Ani-Luo

Well, here goes...

Hmmm. I didn't get the rule book that said you can only date one girl at a time.

I did get the book that says You can only have a serious relationship with one girl at a time.

You just met her on the bus. Thats hardly grounds for Changing the very fabric of your life. How do you know that she is not dating others as casual friends? Over here we have a saying- "its only lunch." That means its for a defined time, in defined place, and so the heavy burden of all that other crap is not a part of the deal. Its just lunch. Enjoy the company. enjoy the conversation. get to know another human being. Its not a guaranteed express train to marriage and breeding. Its only lunch.

After a lot of lunches, figure out which one you want to get serious with before getting serious with either. Then it will be time to limit your socializing with others. Thats the advice I gave my son and daughters.

If you are not engaged, going steady, or already declared or committed as a couple, i would urge you to date many gals, before you are unable too. I cannot counsel you about whether to follow your traditional path or not, that is up to you.

But a lifetime with the wrong person seems like a pretty high price tag just to "keep up appearances."

Culturally, that might be the norm, there, or in other places. But I wouldn't survive under those expectations, let lone thrive. But you are getting a modern North American opinion from me. Might not be a best fit solution for you in your culture. But then again, it might serve you (and the gals) very well.

My best advice: Go meet both of their mothers, because that is who they will become in about thirty years... So go look your future in the face.

Good luck.

milo "if you are respectful to both, you honor your self"

Hmmm. I didn't get the rule book that said you can only date one girl at a time.

I did get the book that says You can only have a serious relationship with one girl at a time.

After a lot of lunches, figure out which one you want to get serious with before getting serious with either. Then it will be time to limit your socializing with others. Thats the advice I gave my son and daughters.

..........

A lot of good advice!

Thank you~

I will make friends with and know better of them both. And keep honest and friendly to them always~

B/Rgds.

Ani-Luo

First question: just how serious are you about your fiancee? In other words, do you genuinely love her, or do you have other reasons for wanting to marry her? I'm sorry to ask such a personal question, but this is the most important issue at hand here. You don't need to answer it here, but you have to answer it to yourself to be fair to everyone involved.

Next question: so you get along well with this girl. What exactly do you want from her? Are you content with being just friends, or do you want something more? If it is the former, then this is a non-issue. Just be honest and open with your fiancee about you relationship with this girl. If it's the latter, then does this girl want the same? And if so, are you prepared to break your fiancee's heart by breaking off with her? Because to be honest with you, if both you and this new girl want to be more than just friends, then it may be better to make a clean break with your fiancee. Of course it will hurt her, but it's going to be a lot worse if she was to discover this for yourself.

So what should you then? Only you can answer that question. However, you will need to ask yourself the above questions; they will help you to decide for yourself what course of action you should take.

Hi,

Answer to your firstquestion:

There is no fiancee involved. I met both just several times, but both left me a good impression. The only difference is that the first one my cousin introduced is more likely to be my fiancee. She showed interest in me, and so I did to her. But we havn't known each other well enough. And of course, she is not my girlfriend now.

My answer to your second question:

To be honest, everyday I can encounter many many beautiful girls, many looks even more beautiful than that one I encountered. But this girl just showed a different impression to me. And we talked on the bus very gladly. One of them,I hope can be my girlfriend or fiancee.

My confusation.

Should I go on to keep in touch with the girl on the bus to know if she can be my girlfriend while at the meantime I keep in touch with the first girl to know if she can?

I hope it's more clear now.

I think I have to follow suit Milo's advice. I hope one will be my girlfriend while another be my friend.

I hope so but maybe it's difficult to get.

Thank you all the time~

B/Rgds.

Ani-Luo

Milo is correct. There is nothing wrong with going out with both girls. The question is, which one do you prefer? That, unfortunately, is a question only you can answer. Once you have answered that question, just be open and honest with both girls about your relationship with each of them, and make sure that each girl knows about the other as well so that there can be no misunderstanding. Better yet, let them meet each other so that they can be friends. In this way, whichever girl you eventually choose, the other will know about it.

Jesus Christ!!! Get a f%*king therapist!!! What do we look like, Dear Abby??? Also, you're asking the very bottom-feeders of man-woman relationships!!! We're engineers!!! We're GEKS!!! Old geeks, with no clue about the the modern rules of the game!!!

Beep! You fail the intelligence test!!!

Hi Vermin,

You are right! This is a place for engineers, and we are here for technical problem not replationship problem.

Sorry!

But still I got some very good advice here, and that is much appreciated!

And it does prove that people here are not only Engineer gurus, but also kind, warm-hearted, young and nice people.

B/Rgds.

Ani-Luo

Take a deep breath! Hold it in for 10 seconds. Now, really. Is the above question any more off base than:

"Hai, i worked in Petroleum refineries. Some heaters dont have port hole sampling Points, in this case i did check pollutants at ground level of the stack ( tapping line - which is connected at top level of the stack) There is any Pollutants Concentration variation from top to ground level? Is it correct way to analysis? Any errors in analysis? we used Portable gas analyzers for gases Analysis."

Or, "who to select swimming pool equipment's(pump, filter, heater, atc)?"

Or, "clinical research course"?

And, the ever popular: "hi every body....i want to know how we can know if we can build anther stairs in any building ...what the calculation must be made????"

Frankly, I'm surprised at the insightful answers given. You old softies!!!!!!!!

Us old softies are trying to "guide and form" the next generation of "gentlemen engineers" of the world by providing wisdom gained, sometimes from the school of hard knocks but more often from a friendly mentor who we could trust not to break the confidence.

If we can't be bothered to provide advice to someone who seems so genuine, then we're a poor reflection on what our oaths of induction are all about.

Besides, if he gets the relationship side of his life sorted properly, then he'll be able to commit more effort to good engineering skills.

Hello,

I would suggest becoming friends with both girls (and with others if need be) before you commit yourself to a single person for a relationship.
It could be one of the two, or it may be neither. You will know who is right when it is time.
Talk to them. Only through honesty and friendship do real and lasting relationships develop. You might find a relationship with one and friendship with the other.
Beauty is only made of skin. It will eventually wither and wrinkle.
It is personality that makes the soul and who they are.
When you find the right person, it won't matter how others judge her beauty.
To you she will always be more beautiful than the rest.

Nice answer guest. If you are not a regular member posting anonymously, Might I suggest that you sign up to CR4?

We can always use another thoughtful member.

milo