Engineering Doubletalk

I heard that one a few years ago. I'd forgotten about it. Good one!

I think this thread should be titled Engineering Proverbs! Very enjoyable!

Good title.

"Is it possible to float on light waves?"

Perhaps on sodium vapor light waves.

LMAO, LMAO, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think this post only lacks one line at the end. It should include:

...And now you know the rest of the story. Good Day.

Additions to the original list:

Engineer says: Fax/e-mail me the data.
Engineer means: I'm too lazy to write it down.

Engineer says: We are following the standard!
Engineer means: That's the way we have always done it!

Engineer says: I didn't get your e-mail.
Engineer means: I haven't checked my e-mail for days.

Okay, I know these are not necessarily engineering double entendres but they're cute news headlines with double meanings so I think maybe they should be included:

March Planned For Next August

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

Iraqi head seeks arms

Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over

Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through

Teacher strikes idle kids

Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead

Squad helps dog bite victim

Enraged cow injures farmer with axe

Miners refuse to work after death

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Stolen painting found by tree

Two soviet ships collide, one dies

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

War dims hope for peace

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Man is fatally slain

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Now you've stepped it it!

• Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
• Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
• Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
• House passes gas tax onto senate
• Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
• Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
• William Kelly was fed secretary
• Milk drinkers are turning to powder
• Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
• Farmer bill dies in house
• Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
• Prostitutes appeal to Pope
• NJ judge to rule on nude beach
• Child's stool great for use in garden
• Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
• Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
• Organ festival ends in smashing climax
• Eye drops off shelf
• Dealers will hear car talk at noon
• Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
• Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
• Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
• Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
• Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
• Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
• Child's death ruins couple's holiday
• Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
• Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
• Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

I think those titles show just how awkward the English language is to master successfully... LOL LOL

John

And just in case any of you weren't sure engineers are smart-a$$es, here's a collection of some of my favorites. Enjoy!

Technical problem or defect reported by pilot or crew.

Remedial action or answer reported by maintenance engineer

Something loose in cockpit.

Something tightened in cockpit.

Left-inside main tire almost needs replacing.

Almost replaced left-inside main tire.

Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.

Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.

Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine.

Engine run for three hours. Noise now familiar.

Mouse in cockpit.

Cat installed.

Target radar hums.

Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Number three engine missing.

Engine found on starboard wing after brief search.

Pilot's clock inoperative.

Wound clock.

Aircraft handles funny.

Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.

Pilot removed from aircraft.

Noise coming from under instrument panel - sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Took hammer away from midget.

Suspected crack in windshield.

Suspect you are right.

IFF inoperative.

IFF always inoperative in 'off' mode.

Test flight okay except Auto-Land very rough.

Auto-Land is not installed on this aircraft.

No2 ADF needle runs wild.

Caught and tamed No2 ADF needle.

Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.

Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Dead bugs on windshield.

Live bugs on back order.

Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.

Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Evidence removed.

Three roaches in cabin.

One roach killed, one wounded, one got away.

DME volume set unbelievably loud.

DME volume set to more believable level.

No2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

No2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

That's what they are for.

Hi CSM,

Beautiful! Took me a while to stop laughing. I especially like these:

Number three engine missing.
Engine found on starboard wing after brief search.

Aircraft handles funny.
Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Pilot removed from aircraft.

Noise coming from under instrument panel - sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Took hammer away from midget.

Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Good work CSM!