An Engineer in Paradise Blog

An Engineer in Paradise

This blog was started by accident - a chance mention of silk in a Challenge Question set my mind racing and the first, brief episode was born. The reaction to this and the follow-up episode was positive, so keeping the episodes together seemed like a good idea.

I'm a fairly unusual creature - an engineer who enjoys language and likes to use it to its full. Oh yes, and I'm a woman!

I hope you enjoy reading An Engineer in Paradise, remember: If you have nothing to laugh about - laugh on credit.

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Episode Two - Starting Trouble

Posted April 30, 2007 8:17 AM by English Rose
Pathfinder Tags: Humour

She woke as the fingers of the dawn light reached through the curtains...curtains that she slowly realised were not her own. Her eyes opened wide in shock, and she froze as she heard the sound of gentle snoring beside her.

Slowly the memories of the previous evening came back to her...the meeting at the distribution company to investigate the mysterious patterns found in the sides of the large plastic boat hulls...the attempted theft of the top secret moulding technology that allowed her company to make the lighter than expected balloon baskets and which gave the factory team their advantage...the irony that even though the burglar had been blown off the roof by an abandoned 30,000 cfm fan left over from an abortive propulsion experiment, the BB from her date's gun had still hit the felon, and now Blaine was in custody, facing charges for murder; she doubted that the jury would be able to understand the intricate mathematical proof that the man was as good as dead before the BB hit him.

Slowly she slipped from the bed, without waking the sleeper, who still bore the faint burn mark on his cheek. She slipped into her blue silk dress, a dress that was now very creased; she would drop it into the drycleaners that afternoon, she decided. With her high-heeled sandles in her hand, she padded silently from the room.

When she reached her car, old AMC Gremlin, she sat for a while gazing out across the bay; the effect of the sun rising behind her and the delicate fern-like patterns of the dried salt on her windscreen added an otherworldly feel to the morning. Sighing, she slipped the key into the ignition and turned it; nothing happened. Startled, she tried again. Nothing. Sighing she looked through the salt-pattern windscreen, then got out to open the bonnet.

Donning the overalls, gloves and boots she kept in the boot, she wrestled the distributor cap off and emptied most of the contents of a can of WD40 over it and the rest of the car's electrics. While she waited for the penetrant to sink it, she paced up and down, the silk moving sensuously against her body beneath the workman-like overalls, with the result that her...<snip>

She walked back to the car, slightly breathless from the various effects of her pacings, and reached into the engine bay to replace the cap. In the morning light she couldn't see the spark, but she heard the crack of electricity as the silk induced static build-up earthed. The car started; thank heavens she always left it in park!

(c) ER Literary Production 2007

Originally Posted in "Why won't the Car Start?"

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Anonymous Poster
#1

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/01/2007 3:34 AM

HUH!

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Associate

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#2

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/01/2007 5:47 AM

It all started when I second guest by self and won that goat. When my eyes first open I saw Foxy Lady in a blue dress slipped out the door. The next thing I heard was Gremlin cough to life and take off. She driving on the wrong side of the road. I look at my watch it 2:00am why is the sun coming up?

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#3

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/01/2007 7:46 AM

This is priceless ! I have a picture of the squre jawd Blaine in my head. He has to die. Perhaps he can become embroiled in an embarassing round up of Goats. The subsequent shower seen (post-mortem of course) could put all other Writers to shame for lack of technical plausability. Your side-splitting audience awaits ER.

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Anonymous Poster
#4

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/01/2007 7:24 PM

So what is so bad about winning a goat?? An all wheel drive (leg?) weedeater that runs on water, and a good scratch, 7 days a week. Very handy to keep treelines and paths clear, without a 2 cycle engine. And if you take them on hikes (they love hikes), when you stop to smell the flowers, they eat the flowers....Okay you should smell the flowers really fast....

Great story I allways wondered who ended up with the AMC Gremlin I once owned...

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#5
In reply to #4

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/02/2007 1:30 AM

Goats can mimic sound. A relative had a Goat that had been raised with a Donkey (no kidding ! Sorry , Honest ! )- The sounds it made were blood curdling.

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#6

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/03/2007 9:49 AM

Love the story, keep it coming.... Just one thought, how are you gonna fit the game show probability in your next story??

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#7
In reply to #6

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

05/03/2007 9:58 AM

Already done, mate. See Episode 3

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#8

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/05/2007 2:51 PM

"...blown off the roof by an abandoned 30,000 cfm fan left over from an abortive propulsion experiment."

-----

Most of the abandoned 30,000 CFM fans I've met were long since disconnected. Are you quite sure the source of that draft wasn't Tony Blair on an evening stroll, muttering to himself (as you can see, I'm no fan of Tony's)?

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#9
In reply to #8

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/05/2007 6:23 PM

You imply that someone still is!???!

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#10
In reply to #9

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/05/2007 6:28 PM

Well said!

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#11
In reply to #8

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/06/2007 7:56 AM

This was a very thinly veiled reference to a previous Challenge question on yacht propulsion. Do try to keep up with the internal references!

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#12
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Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/07/2007 12:30 AM

I do try, but with all my scheduled book-signings, talk-show guest appearances (did you know Larry King really is an honest-to-goodness Bimbo?), and commercial endorsements, I scarcely have time to visit the loo and wash my hands.

Oh, "What book?" you ask? Why, my newest best-seller, The Compleat Idiot's Guide to Dating for Engineers. Why is it so popular, you wonder? Why? It's brief and to the point; exactly the way engineers like things (except when they're explaining something to someone else, which can take for-bloody-ever). As an example, let's look at Chapter 17: Contraception for Engineers. It's a short chapter, so please allow me to quote it in full:

"Be yourself."

As you can see, I'm a very busy man.

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#13
In reply to #12

Re: Episode Two - Starting Trouble

06/07/2007 3:27 AM

Put me down for half a dozen copies - for my colleagues, obviously

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