Apple, Samsung Add New Devices to Upcoming Patent Suit

ARENA 1.2

The U.S.C.E. Malus (domestica) is in pursuit of a well-known alien ship which has raided an intellectual property base on iP*d XXII, stealing an unprecedented quantity of rounded corners and other marginally-patentable items which they plan to incorporate into their own handhelds.

The base on iP*d XXII.

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In hot pursuit through In an uncharted area of patent law space, both the alien ship and the Malus are caught by an advanced race called the Tabloids. The Tabloids are angry at the two ships for trespassing into their space and believe that physical combat is the answer to finding justice. Other measures were considered, but it was decided that protracted gratuitous violence and carnage held out the highest promise of boosting ratings.

A Tabloid.

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The Tabloids transport Malus' Captain HoneyCrisp and the alien CEO, a lizard-like creature called a Sam, to an uninhabited asteroid to fight to the death.

A Sam and chief executive officer of the Good Ship Galaxy MCMLXVII.

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The Tabloids promise that the victor and his ship will be set free, whilst the loser will be fined countless billions upon billions. Predictably, only the Malus' legal department showed any interest.

The Legal Department of the USCE Malus (domestica) look on, having seen it all before.

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The Sam informs HoneyCrisp that the base on iP*d XXII was destroyed because it was believed to be a hostile intrusion on Sam space. The Sam is 2.5 meters tall and much stronger than HoneyCrisp, with an extremely competitive nature, but Honeycrisp has the advantage of speed and agility that he only thinks his opponent lacks. Still, HoneyCrisp manages to keep out of the Sam's way long enough to mix local minerals into gunpowder, which he uses in a primitive cannon to wound the Sam executive.

IP theft in action.

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This outrages the Sam who immediately issues an official statement claiming that HoneyCrisp shot him on-screen without paying royalties for the commercial use of an invention -- gunpowder -- which the Sam own.

Back in the saddle.

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When HoneyCrisp refuses to kill the Sam and opts instead to fight him some more, the Tabloids decide there may be considerable wisdom in this as it is sure boost their own popularity at store checkouts. Consequently, both the Captain and the Sam CEO and their ships are set free to keep up the Good Work.

Elsewhere in the Galaxy...

In a related episode an advanced space-faring Dutch civilization claims neither race have the corner on rounded corners and sends one of its own ships to prove it...

"Holy sh*t! Think we should litigate?" [SMACK!!]
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