LHC Set for September 2009 Restart

You know, we could start something naughty here. Given the fear of the LHC and the never-ending thirst of conspiracy-theorists, it seems to me there's an opportunity to spread a little fun:

The LHC isn't down for repairs. It's not damaged at all. Something happened right after launch. Something unknown. The "government" is apparently still running the LHC. They're desperately buying time by pushing out the "re-start" date. Some people say that they've seen heavy military weaponry and supplies being delivered to the facility. Other people say they've seen unmarked blue trucks carrying out wounded on litters.

In Berlin, an unconscious and badly burned woman with no ID was admitted to a hospital. One morning she partially awoke and started incoherently babbling in English things like "Get CERN...I'm clear!...don't shut it...white grass?...listen!...what?...sliding blood". Then she died of what is assumed to be a fright-induced heart attack. Later that day her body disappeared from the hospital's morgue, as did the attendant on duty. A policeman outside the hospital reported seeing an odd blue truck in the area.

And so forth.

That really happened and you're just trying to make it look like a cute hoax or something. Well, it's not gonna work, Hoax-Theorist guy! We can see right through your flimsy sham.

You'd better pack your toothbrush, Pal. The Black Helicopters are on their way.

Oh yes? I've got news for you. You're up to your own neck in this thing. That's right. You don't even know it yet, but you're the linchpin of this little endeavor.

"Europium" indeed. Number 63. As in 1963 - the year Wigner won the Nobel for Physics, for his work on elementary particles. Exactly like those being sought at the LHC. Do you really think that was just a coincidence? Well, do you???

Of course not. It was all part of the play. The marvelous play in which you, sir, are the unwitting star. And now...just now...you're starting to realize the magnitude of your audience and the scope of your performance. Ah, yes. I can almost imagine the look of realization creeping across your visage now. How very sad that we can't all see it for our amusement.

Say your lines quickly. The curtain falls.

"How very sad that we can't all see it for our amusement."

You can see me here, 24/7. Look for the guy in the suit.

"Say your lines quickly."

In a hurry are we? What, have the choppers arrived? Or did Pop just pull up in the driveway while you frantically mop-up that elderberry spill?

"The curtain falls."

We go live in 5 seconds.

It would be interesting to know more about the decision of whether to add helium valves for the magnets. An engineer would probably make a better choice about something like that than a physicist ;-)