It's Valentine's Day, After All...

RED-NECK VALENTINE'S-DAY LOVE POEM

Collards is green
Dog's name is 'Blue'
And I'm so lucky to have
A sweet thang like yew.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.

Yew move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
Yew ain't got no scales
But I luv yew anyway.

Yore as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yore as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.

Yew have some 'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When yew shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
An' awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
Yore there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what yew can.

Yore as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
Yew ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
Yew spark up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.

When yew hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfekshun,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' yous like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They 'splain, so suave and so cooth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yore too special, yew sweet thang, yew.
I got yew a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!