Engineering News (In Lieu of Engineering News)

There is no Engineering News this week. That's right: Nada. Zip. You knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

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Space Sciences

Curiosity is still poking at rocks named 'Jake'. NASA is now reasonably convinced there are rocks on Mars.

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Automotive News

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Business and Economics

Apple is not feeling particularly litigious this week as most of their legal counsel are still at home or in motels, parked cars, brothels and back alleys, sleeping off last weekend's massive First Annual Ever Since Steve Jobs Died Patent Troll Lollapalooza, 2012.

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Samsung is still making money hand over fist thanks to Apple's unwitting $1.3 billion ad campaign telling the world that Samsung makes the exact same products that Apple does but for 1/3 the price.

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Politics

We now know from watching this week's debates that neither presidential candidate is fit for office and probably couldn't lie his way out of a paper bag if his presidency depended on it, which it does. Even Bill Clinton was amused.

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Your Horoscope for Week of 16 October, 2012

• Aries - You'll have your train of thought derailed this week, instantly killing thousands of Indian passengers, injuring countless livestock, and choking the streets with cargo and crew.

• Taurus - Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of flying. After this Thursday, though, it'll mostly just be nightmares.

• Gemini - It's not true that everything you like is illegal, immoral, or fattening, but that's because you're a boring Puritan with no imagination or glands.

• Cancer - Not that it's really the zodiac's business, but most people take the dead goldfish out of the tank before adding new ones. The same goes for the drowned cats.

• Leo - A freak accident this week will endow you with the relative strength and speed of 10 wheelchair-bound men.

• Virgo - You've never paid much attention to abandoned offshore oil platforms before, but suddenly everyone seems to think they'd be perfect for you.

• Libra - Getting laid off is a tough pill to swallow, though that's primarily because it's a suppository.

• Scorpio - Through the impressive process of extending Orion's celestial finger, the stars indicate that you should ____ off.

• Sagittarius - Sometimes you wish you could just close your eyes and disappear. Wait, no. Not sometimes. Always.

• Capricorn - Next time, when passing a note intended to find out if someone likes you, you'll know to provide more than one box to check.

• Aquarius - It turns out that Andy Warhol overestimated the duration of your fame by about 14 and a half minutes.

• Pisces - Although you've certainly slept your way somewhere, no one would ever mistake it for the top.

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(horoscope courtesy of The Onion - The Nation's Finest News Source™)