Engineering Helpful Hints for Santa

Use the internet it's faster.....

Lightweight Kevlar armor for the naughty neighborhoods.

my gift to ANONS

How anonymous do I have to be to get a couple tons.

As the poor of old will take a warm house over some gifts most likely will have to return or never use.

In country, we usually housed our old men and women accompanied and served until death.

I hear that in Mexico, Pedro Negro has the option of leaving a cow turd instead of taking away the bad children.

PLUS THIS

How about a nuclear powered 3D Printer that Santa can use to make gifts at the drop of his hat.

You know the Elves are forgetting to put all the gifts in his sleigh, good help is really hard to find in the North Pole!

A FLIR system to know if you are sleeping.

A link to the FBI database to see if you've been bad or good and to prevent misdirection of lingerie to undesirables.

I suggest that avoiding it all is impossible. What mankind's first Mars colony will do is debatable, though.

If we establish a colony on mars, then we'll go with the Mars calendar. In other words, since Mars rotates 668^{+ a fraction} times during one orbit about the Sun.

Then on December 26, only 667 Mars days till Christmas.

Or better yet, We'll still use Mars Orbit in earth Days which is almost 686 earth days till Christmas.

Its not what you wanted, but its a start. We'll probably have to add a extra month to the calendar,..... And we'll call the Month,.... ahhhh, lets see.... I know, we'll call the extra month 'Steve'.

HO HO HOLY S..T What just happened here?

Dur, quantium teleportation of the gifts so Santa doesn't need to leave his nice warm chair in front of the fire.

Nanotubes are the next big thing (they make anything.....BETTER!), so make sure the toys include them or just a big box of Nanotubes for us Engineers and Scientists. It's like Lego but smaller.

Or we could just program a million of these the deliver the packages for Santa.

Lego beat us to the punch again!!!

A Santa robot!!

Have the Post office reroute all the letters to Amazon and let them deliver them with these new drones. Give Santa a Christmas off to spend with Mrs Claus

No way am I going to let that goon have a nuclear powered anything. When I was a kid, and still a good boy, the old goof could never get my simple wish lists right even after checking them twice (supposedly) so I have serious doubts on his ability to pilot a nuclear powered anything over populated areas.

Based on the pretty safe assumption that flying reindeer poo is nasty stuf... an automatic in-flight pooper scooper would be high on his list one would think.

I agree wholeheartedly!!! I got "BOMBED" by a Seagull in Middle School. Let's just say it was a direct hit in the center of my forehead and it then dripped its way down my face as I ran to the restroom to wash it off.

I cannot imagine getting hit by reindeer poo at supersonic speeds. OUCH!!!

I think it has been posted before but, I can't resist.

Subject: Santa from an engineer's viewpoint

I'm sure many of you have seen this before, but in the spirit of the season, enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

There are approximately two billion children in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, this comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them, Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles/second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high-calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

now you have a better understanding of why he rents all those C-130s!

" instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now."

I can live with that.

"instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo."

You know nothing about Santa. He has the ability to enter a time warp to deliver all the gifts and fill up on cookies with milk. When he returns back to the north pole, decelerating out of warp speed, he returns to his jolly old self.

An upgrade to the latest Organic LED for Rudolph's nose!

I want to know why Santa gave all the best toys to the rich kids!

How about recycling all the greenhouse gas out of Washington, D.C. into carbon for the little tots who were naughty this year (mostly a small group of ill-tempered Senators, who will not let bills be read, much less voted on). Harry Reid are you reading this? You should be. Are you hearing us yet?

For the first time ever, hardware designed on the ground has been emailed to space to meet the needs of an astronaut. From a computer in California, Mike Chen of Made In Space and colleagues just 3D-printed a ratcheting socket wrench on the International Space Station. "We had overheard ISS Commander Barry Wilmore (who goes by "Butch") mention over the radio that he needed one," Chen writes in Medium this week. So they designed one and sent it up.

Surely this is an example of engineering help for (or from) Santa?