Nine-year-olds Timmy and Susie Select Sprockets

(Presenting a dialogue between Timmy and Susie, both age 9, as imagined by HUSH.)

"Hey, Timmy!"

"Hiya, Susie!"

"What are ya doin'?"

"Roger challenged me to a bike race down by the river, but my bike is broken! And my dad is at work so he can't fix it right now! I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Ohhh, I really hate that Roger! He's so mean. He thinks he's so cool because this is his third time in the fifth grade."

"Yeah, well, he said he'll trade me his Patrick Roy rookie card if I beat him. And I can pedal like super fast. Like 100 mph."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"Not-uh. Not without a new sprocket for your bike."

...via Getty Images

"A new what Susie? A, spa-, spa-, sparrot?"

"A sprocket Timmy. Jeez. Do I have to do everything for you? Here, look at this…"

"Hey, when'd you get an iPhone Susie?"

...via Knight Bike Co.

"Just look. On GlobalSpec, I can determine what kind of sprocket you need so you can fix your bike to race Roger!"

"Whoaaaaa!"

"First we need to figure out if your sprocket should conform to ANSI standard B29.1, or ISO R606."

"Ummmm..."

"Then, we need to figure out your bike's chain length, accounting for the derailleur of course, along with the pitch and size of your new sprocket."

"Oh, yeah. I knew that…"

"What's the center distance between the sprockets, Timmy? I need to know because we need to compensate for the sprocket diameters."

"Jeez, I, uh… I, uh…"

...via iKid Apps

"We might want to consider sprockets with a double-duty tooth layout. That way, the next time Roger wants to race and your sprocket has broken teeth, you can adjust the chain and it's like you have a new sprocket."

"What is it called Susie? A spaggett?"

"A sprocket, Timmy. Pay attention. Now, we may want to incorporate a new, integral shaft with this sprocket. Have you considered an aftermarket oil drip for your bike?"

"But, Soooooosiee!"

"Here Timmy, I'm going to send you this link to your email. You can also connect with manufacturers through the GlobalSpec site, so you can evaluate your purchasing options. What's your email Timmy? "

"Stop it, Susie! I don't have an email. And you're just a girl! You don't know anything!"

"Now I know what my mom means when she says girls mature faster than boys. Fine Timmy, be like that. I bet Roger kicks your butt later. I'm leaving…and now I'm never, ever being your girlfriend."

"Girls are icky. Wait, Susie. What was that site…?"

...via Entertained Organizer