Indonesian Technology

I have heard it about Polish, Romanian ..etc engineers. We, of an ancestry not rich in technological discoveries, use self irony, so others will not mention it....

But this about digging in Scotland (beg pardon, lad) it is said to be true: Some archaeological digging at Aberdeen found the oldest known half penny coin. They enlarged the digging area and there thy found two skeletons, on their knees...

It's a "classic" we tell them with Dutch, German & Belgium Engineers

3 Metal Spheres

The Board of Trustees of a nearby University, decides to test the Professors, to see if they really know their stuff. First they take a Math Prof. and put him in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in and the balls are arranged in a triangle at the center of the table. Next, they give the same test to a Physics Prof. After an hour, they look in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, they give the test to an Engineering Prof. After an hour, they look in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.

Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a few hours, you realize that he likes it.

4 Golfers on Sunday

Four men are on the golf course one Sunday morning, and as they were about to tee off one of them, a car dealer, says that he had a confession to make. "You know, guys, this golfing on Sunday mornings is costing me an arm and a leg. I had to give my wife a Lexus that is fully loaded in order for me to be able to come golf with you every week."

The second man, a well known realtor, says, "That's nothing, I had to buy my wife that mansion up on the hill and put it in her name only so that I could come."

The third man, a travel agent says, "I can top that, I had to send my wife and daughter to Paris for two weeks for a shopping spree. I have no idea how much that's gonna end-up costing me."

The fourth man, the engineer, doesn't say anything, so they asked him about it. He says "Well... it's no big deal for me at all. I just roll over Sunday morning and say to my wife: 'intercourse or golf course', and here I am, just like that."

Hi...Indonesia, This ones from my old college days about 40years old:

The Americans once made a very very thin wire. They showed it to the Russians as an example of what a capital economy was capable of.

The Russians examined this thin wire and then bored a hole through it. It demonstrated what a socialistic economy was capable of.

Both Americans & Russians were pleased with thier work. They took the wire with a hole to the Chinese to show them thier combined engineering feat.

The Chinese saw the wire and they made internal threads in it. This was fantastic. The communista had shown what they were capable of !!!

Now, the three stopped in India. Those days India had a mixed economy. It was part capital, part socialistic and part communist. The Indians kept the wire and returned it after one day. Then the Americans, Russians & Chinese laughed saying the Indians can't do anything. At that moment one Mr Sardarji brought a huge microscope and kept the wire under it. It was then the Americans, Russians & Chinese very able to see the words embossed on the wire "MADE IN INDIA".

Share a Pakistani:

World conference on Arms & Ammunition:

3 Top Scientists from America/Germany & Pakistan.

American Scientist:

We have satellite-controlled missiles that can be fired to any city and it will travel touching the top of the buildings.

"Touching" ? exclaimed the other two. Well not exactly, 2" gap.

German Scientist:

That,s nothing, we have satellite-controlled missiles that can be fired from a submarine and it will hit any city travelling underwater touching the ocean floor.

"Touching" ? exclaimed the other two. Well not exactly, 2" gap.

Pakistani Scientist:

Well that's nothing. In Pakistan children are born from arse.

"Arse" ? exclaimed the other two. Well not exactly, 2" gap.

Three engineers had decided that God is an engineer, but disagreed on what field of engineering.

The first said "He's a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and muscles. What a wonderful machine! Each joint has the best mechanical advantage and range of motion to serve it's purpose. I wish I could design a machine so perfect"

The second said "He's an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system. No one can make sensory and control circuits so efficient and compact."

The third said "He's a civil engineer. Who elso would put a playground right next to a sanitary waste disposal site?"

Posted previously, but maybe worth a rerun here:

Overnight, a large red sphere appeared on the west lawn of the White House. The President, and even moreso, the Secret Service, were anxious to discover what the object, which had the appearance of a huge red rubber ball, actually was. The President immediately convened a conference of all of the top scientists, and the best engineer, in the entire country. At the conference, the President addressed the nation's leading physicist:

"Sir, please explain your course of investigation to determine the nature of this ball."

The physicist outlined research into the ball's physical parameters, including dimensions, specific gravity, etc.

The President then directed the same question to the country's top chemist.

The chemist outlined his plan to research chemical composition, bond angles, molecular density, etc.

This same scenario played out as the President addressed each scientific discipline's leading representative around the conference table. Each one gave a brief description of how they would conduct research into the nature of the ball. Then the President asked the same question of the best engineer available. The engineer replied:

"Mr. President, it's really very simple. I'll just look it up in the Big Red Ball Book."

And thus, the difference between scientists and engineers - the engineers know where the books are...

I think it is very interesting to say the punch line and try to assemble the joke.

Example: At least I would not put a play ground next to the effulent dump. Harley and Davidson talking to god.

What is the joke.

Set up: More people ride my invention then yours: Davidson to god.

Another rerun joke:

An engineer and a lawyer were arguing about which one's profession was oldest. The engineer stated that God created the universe out of chaos. The lawyer replied, "Where do you think the chaos came from?"

This also shows another difference between engineers and lawyers. Engineers will argue because they know physics, math, chemistry, etc, and the variables in any situation can give rise to a variety of viewpoints. Lawyers argue because they know how to argue, and how to get someone to pay for it.

Lawyers will argue when someone pays for it. If no one pays they will agree

An engineer will argue because they want to know how smething works (or what the problem is)

Hi every body, all of the stories are funny enough and made me kept smile until i slept yesterday.

Lesson carefully to this another engineering joke maybe you can learn something from this joke,

One time there are three engineers in a plane, American, Japanese and Indonesian.

Somehow the plane is accident, crash and kill that three engineers, and then their spirits are go to heaven.

100 feet from the heaven gate there's a guardian angel and when the 3 spirits of engineers come, the angel stop them and ask," Who are you?" and they answer," We are that killed at crashed plane 15 minutes ago."

The angel say," Ooh, that crashed plane, according my knowledge, you are 3 engineers, right?"

" Yes, we are" they say together.

The angel said," Wow, it's one coincidence, you see that gate of heaven?" the angel pointing to the gate," That gate is broken and hard to open and i need an engineer to fix that gate, check that gate and give me your quotation, first from you, American engineer."

The engineer from America go to the gate, then he check the gate, after that he comeback to the angel, " Well? your quotation?" the angel ask, " $600 to fix it" the American say.

In the angel mind say," Expensive, but very normal because America is famous by their high technology." Then the angel ask for Japanese engineer, the Japanese engineer go to the gate, check it and back to the angel," Well?" the angel ask, " $400 " said the Japanese engineer.

And the angel mind say," Not bad because Japan is famous with effective technology."

Then the angel say," Okay, i have my decision, this project is given to the Japa..."

" Hey, sir, sir angel... sir angel... ," Indonesian engineer yell, cut the angel word.

" WHAT??" the angel getting angry because somebody cut his words.

" Sir angel you forgetting me..." answer the Indonesian.

In the angel mind say," Ahh.. Indonesian... what can he do? I know he can not do anything, all he know just corrupt, but if i not give him a change, he will say to The God that I'm unwise angel... "

" OK," the angel said, " You, go, check the gate!!" at the same time he pointing to the Indonesian engineer, and the Indonesian answer, " No need, no need to go there sir angel, from here i can see what's the problem with the gate."

The angel say, " Wow... and the quotation?"

Indonesian answer," $1000, sir angel."

" WHAT???" the angel get shock to hear that and he's more angry and he say," How come? that's very expensive, what technology that you have?"

The Indonesian engineer coming near the angel and with calm he whisper to the angel, " Lesson to me sir angel... you can use the American engineer or Japanese engineer, but you won't have anything from them, how if we ask the Japanese engineer to fix the gate, his quotation is $400, and my quotation is $1000, so we have $600 profit and we can split the profit, you 50% and i 50%."

The angel say, " 50%? $300?" and Indonesian answer," Yeah."

And then the angel say to all of the engineers," OK, now i have my decision,this project to repair the gate of heaven is given to Indonesian engineer."

Learn something??? it's just a joke.

"Learn something???"

You bet! Sometimes the bidding process is more important than the technology.

I consider that's a very good answer, learn fast yeah...

I received this longtime ago & saved it. Enjoy:

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Ha... Ha... Ha...

That's the funniest, very good one.

try another with due aplogy to everybody.

After a World Telecommunication conference in Tokyo, an American from Motorola, a Japanese from Sony and a cell phone dealer from Pakistan meets each other in their hotel sauna room (all naked & swetting off) and a general discussion is undergoing.

Suddenly the American says, "excuse me I'm receiving a call from my office" , puts his right palm on his right ear and starts talking making a fist with his left hand. The other two looks in wonder – the American replies, "I've a chip embedded in my palm & a mike on my fingers – this our latest in telecommunication technology".

The Japanese does not want to be behind and after the American finishes says,

" excuse me I'm receiving a call from my office" and he just puts his index finger on his forehead and starts talking. The other two looks in wonder – the Japanese replies,

"I've microchip embedded in my forehead & index finger with infra-red/blue-tooth technology – this our latest in telecommunication technology".

The Pakistani had enough, excuses himself to go to the wash room and leaves the sauna.

Both the American & Japanese are busy talking on their Country's advancement in telecommunication for some time. The Pakistani returns back from the wash room and as he takes off his towel and turns around to sit down , a foot-long toilet-tissue paper is seen struck in his arse and hanging down.

Both the American & the Japanese says together "Hey Mac- you left the toilet- tissue paper stuck up your arse".

" Oh!, excuse me", replied the Pakistani, " that's not toilet-tissue" he says.

"I'm receiving an important Fax from my office. You know how backward we are with over 10 hours of electrical load shedding in our Country so we no longer trust electrical equipments to be that reliable!".

"Pardon me and ignore me", he says "please do continue on with your discussion on your advancement in telecommunication technology, it seems a long fax because my tummy is still rumbling inside".