New Years Resolution

I resolve to be taller.

I resolve to consume beverages containing alcohol only under the following two scenarios...................when I am alone or when I am with someone

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

Just one more for KJK, and this is a VERY Important Health Warning about drinking!!!

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.

When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends.

I may have posted this elsewhere-----

Of course ice is bad for you. Look what it did to the Titanic.

Yes, you did. That's the "beauty" of getting on in years. I didn't remember it.

Too funny - Thanks

I resolve to drink only on days of the week that end with a "Y", and never before the sun sets, somewhere.

I resolve to let Stedou73ish post at least once before me this year...and send Sue some platform shoes....and lose a few lbs., don't want to set the bar too high...

Thank you! And with all this talk about drinking and setting the bar, I do believe I detect a theme...

"I will also beat Solar Eagle to at least one posting for this new year."

Don't bother. Solar Eagle is in therapy for premature postulation and will soon be cured.

I vow to be nicer.

OK, OK, One more:

Horse walks into the bar.

Bartender says, "why the long face"?

Skeleton walks into a bar says "give me a beer and a mop"....

A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"

In a bar in a remote Alaskan town, a newcomer hears people yell out numbers (#23!, #56, etc.) and then everyone laughs. He asks the guy next to him what's going on, and he says the jokes have been told so many times, people just yell out their numbers instead of retelling them. So the guy yells out #27!,,,, but nobody laughs. The guy next to him shrugs and says, "Some people can tell a joke, and some people can't."

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That trombone is fantastic. I don't know how you found that, but I'm stealing it.

LMAO

In this New Year, I will put more efforts to promote green building concepts among the young engineers in the globe

What Shade?

I want everyone to work for world peace by destroying nuclear weapons,reducing army and arms,reduce expenditure on space race,guarantee sovereignty of persons,races, communities,racial/religious minorities, stop polluting atmosphere and water and unite against aggressors,colonisers,foreign invaders etc. If required eliminate or restructure the UN.

PNABAN,

Here in the US, we have the organization you have been looking for.

It is now known as, "OCCUPY," and happily accepting new members.

Coming to a city near you soon.