How to Overcome Anger

Therapy.

Talk!

I keep beating the cr4p out of em until they learn to stop P'ing me off!

Then I talk to them and convince them that its their fault and that they need to change their behavior.

but what if your husband make you anger for one small thing, what i would do avoid anger?

What you're calling anger has two parts, actually, each very different than the other.

The first part of course is the emotion itself, the feeling of anger and of being angry.

The second part is what we DO with that feeling. It is also the part we have complete choice over. Things will invariably make us angry: injustice, being wronged or hurt, seeing loved ones hurt, my ex, and so forth. It is what we do with those feelings that gets us in trouble - or not.

Which part are you asking about?

i mean if somebody make you angry, what you should do to avoid do not feeling angry? and the one who make you angry is someone related to you.

as you said, we can control ourselves not to angry when somebody make us angry. this is not easy, somebody quarrel with me, i can not control myself to not angry.

When you find yourself getting to that point, step away from the situation and give yourself time to cool off, even if they're still talking or whatever. There were times when I was on the phone with my ex and told her, "We can talk later when you're more settled. Meanwhile I am going to hang up the phone in three...two...one..." [CLICK]. She'd call back, sometimes as many as 30-40 times in the same number of minutes, and so I had to turn off the ringer or go nutters.

My ex has significant anger issues. It is why she is my ex. She is simply too toxic to live with. Some people are. You may love them, care for them, but some people you must walk away from for your own sake. Remaining in that situation is nothing less than a slow, protracted suicide on your part.

That person in your life may or may not be one of these people. If they are, you need to extricate yourself from the relationship because if you don't, you lose - possibly everything. I was in that situation, and I had to leave it. I had no other choice - and it was the best decision I ever made.

Either way, mandy, when you find yourself about to blow a gasket, step away from the situation and cool off; don't respond in anger. You have that choice.

One last note: when a person is stressed, the brain's reptilian safeguards kick in and dump all kinds of wonderful goodies into your bloodstream. It is an autonomous response designed to prepare you to either kick the livin' bejesus out of your aggressor or high-tail it outta there. Fight or flight. It has other 'benefits' as well. Read on.

The part of our brain which evolved somewhat later (though, for some, I've seriously had my doubts) tends to get in the way. It wants to comprehend the situation, analyse it, understand it, plumb its depths, Solve the Problem, whatever. This takes time, time we may not have if the situation is life-threatening, and so at this point our marvelous frontal lobes shut down so that they won't get in the way of the rest of our body's trying to save our sorry ass. Result: our IQ drops 40 points, on average, when we're stressed. That ol' grey matter shuts down because it isn't needed to save us. At that moment it is, in fact, a liability. One of those wonderful biochemicals that gets dumped in our bloodstream? It's designed to do exactly that. Shut down ye olde noggin. Once the situation has passed, the biochemical takes about 90 minutes to exit our systems. You can accelerate the process somewhat by breathing-in slowly whilst counting to four, then breathing out, again counting to four. Do this for several minutes at least. Causes the stuff to metabolize faster. Not completely, just faster. It is still best to wait before returning to Atilla-the-Hon. I tried to wait at least a century to return to Her Glorious Presence and even made it a New Year's Resolution every year. Never worked.

So, when people find themselves in highly-stressful situations, they're dumber. They are! (managers listen up: if you're stressing your people, you're cutting your own throat by making them dumber employees when, what you really want is some way of the making them smarter. Smarter than you! It worked for Henry Ford). Worse, if these individuals don't have many smarts to begin with, some of them will turn into total abject retards, I kid you not. In the clinical sense! Some don't even remember having, say, killed or injured someone else whilst in that frame of mind because they were too dumb at the time! In such cases, stepping away from the situation regardless would have made all the difference.

Hope this helps. It is an Engineering forum, after all! (and please, folks, please refer all gardening, landscaping, and "How Do I Make Virtual Compost" questions to the Software & Programming Section).

thank you.

You're welcome!

Take three deep breaths in a row...you'll be calmer by half.

I respectfully disagree on the grounds that your approach is different.

GA europium. Frequently we mis-interpret the information or suffer from a lack of the complete story which leads to the wrong conclusion. I like to say that everyone is responsible for their actions. The key to that statement is the word "responsible" but I think it should be spelled "response able" meaning that we all have the ability to choose how to respond.

I'm sure that everyone can think of a situation where they became angry about something, only to find out that it was all for nothing, once they had the rest of the information. One of the most effective techniques I've learned is to wait for the rest of the information before allowing anger to set in. That has saved me a lot of grief.

Another technique is to print out the following statement in a large font and post it where you can see it. The statement is, "Anger is your Enemy!" and look at it every day. There may be a lot of reasons, but there really is no excuse for letting anger run you life. After all, everyone chooses how they are going to respond whether they realize it or not.

Thank you. Incomplete understanding, misinterpreting the other's meaning or intent, even ascribing meanings that are not there because the situation superficially looks similar to another, very different situation from our past. In this case, we respond as though the person were that other person instead, and the situation that other situation. Very unfair on our part.

Cultural differences also. One word which may be perfectly innocuous here may mean something altogether different there. It doesn't help when the media also misunderstand and so our ignorance of this is unwittingly reinforced. I once called a dear Scottish friend 'lad'. He took it as an insult, but it wasn't meant that way at all! I didn't even know it could be taken as an insult! After all, Star Trek's Mr. Scott used it all the time, didn't he? Americans are often lambasted for their cultural ignorance and, to some extent, the reputation is deserved. On the flip side, how many of these folks doing the lambasting would require their own to be versed in every single other culture's language, slang usage and idioms, because that is exactly what they are calling upon Americans to do, yes? The cure? Think first, talk later. In my friend's case, the usage was inconsistent with the fact that we were friends. Seeing the overall Context goes a long way in avoiding such misunderstandings.

Finally, there are the tiny minority who simply need to hate someone else (usually because they're different) and, for them, any ol' reason is good enough. Not much we can do about these folks but just walk away, saying nothing, mainly because nothing need be said; these folks are their own punishment.

Half the World's problems are caused by people not talking to each other. The rest are caused by their not understanding each other.

Tell them they are making you angry and that they must stop, or your relationship will have to change....or you could just avoid them,,,,or you could just ignore them,,,or you could picture them in an embarrassing position every time they talk to you, causing you to chuckle every time they spoke...this will undoubtedly cause them some measure of frustration possibly leading to a non-communicative state of cold war....

Controlling anger...

good, can you tell me when your wife or husband make you angry, what would you do to avoid feeling angry?

I just leave....

Trade him for one of these...

He'll find other things to occupy his time, meanwhile, so don't worry...

I called to make an appointment for my ex, but the receptionist said you were booked through 2037 and were indisposed at the moment. Something about your being "...out behind the toolshed, giving one of his clients his propers."

tcmtech, have you looked into starting a franchise and is the make and model of toolshed truly the secret of your success?

Read about it in this month's KickStarter.

Perhaps your situation is specific to the environment (person) and therefore only reactionary and momentary.

If not, as a measure for long-term anger management, I endorse vipassana meditation. It has assisted me immensely in my life by training my brain towards a relaxed, stressless and self-aiding mentality in a storm of emotional turmoil. I feel I should address the stereotype that meditation is a pacifying, escapist and sedentary strategy. Rather, it is a wise confrontation of reality in a state of restful alertness that offers the ability to formulate a tactful response.

The paradox is that stressful situations require very tactful decision-making although stressful situations make you less tactful!

P.S. This suggestion is about self-psychological management, not theology.

Your anger gives the person you are angry at power over you to destroy your piece of mind.

Stop letting them make you mad and steal your peace of mind.

Yup. Like giving an untrained or ill-tempered horse the reins and then blaming it for where it takes us. The horse just snickers, meanwhile, because our protests merely confirm for it its conviction that, between us both, it is the smarter. It has, after all, succeeded in taking us where it wanted to go - and not the other way around.

It depends on your level of tolerance,temper etc. Also on the reason whether somebody is disturbing you from sleeping,studying,watching a good TV show etc or somebody keeps you waiting for long time,being hungry,or somebody teasing,insulting,attacking you or your loved ones and so on. In many instances it is very difficult to control anger. Some work behind closed doors with a board saying "do not disturb". If your BP goes up better to relax or meditate.

When a person is quarrelsome, you have to be detached. Notice that the therapist remains calm and collected throughout the argument:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkzjBfTDH20

I listen to Music.

DHAYANANDHAN.S