Bad Temper

You should seek professional counseling...Don't hesitate to get help, there is no reason to live in misery, help is available and treatment can change your life....Look for an anger and depression therapy center near your location, and make an appointment tomorrow...

http://www.aplaceofhope.com/intensedepression.html

http://www.livinglifecounseling.com/Anger-management.html

http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx

There can be many possible causes for unwelcome feelings, ranging from genuine injustices to dietary influences to environmental poisons, etc. Similarly, treatments are widely varied, from verbal to dietary to medical measures.

You have already taken the most important first step of recognizing possible areas of improvement. Do your best to seek a careful professional evaluation. I know of people that had problems with depression, anxiety, or anger; and were helped greatly by medication. You may need to try more than one approach to find what works best for you.

Best wishes in finding out where any problems may lie, and working through them.

I'm impatient and grumpy and can also get pretty 'down'. I work hard at trying to see the positive and the beauty around me. If I'm stuck imaptiently waiting for someone I'll try and use the time for rest, relaxaation or get on with something useful. If I'm feeling down, I'll go and tidy out my garage/work shop or go for a walk in the woods.
So much stuff we get angry about doesn't matter one jot.
I've had a year off driving for health reasons, I walked and cycled a lot and found it both enjoyable, relaxing and good for my state of mind and health.
Now I'm back in the car wondering why the A$$hole in front has stopped at the approach to an empty roundabout... calm calm... it doesn't matter.
Another good outlet is a hoby.

Good luck with your quest for peace.

Personally I'd avoid counsellors like the plague (well unless they are pretty... but that's just 'cos I'm a grumpy old git).

Most of us go through some really bad stuff at some point in our lives. It's how we deal with it that makes the difference. Try to get a perspective on stuff.

Del

(If all else fails get a cat)

"Personally I'd avoid counsellors like the plague"

Boy, I agree with that! My anger management coach sure pi$$es me off. Talking to that guy is simply a waste of my time.

for starters.... staying off the computer

If it is embrittlement:

http://www.twi-global.com/technical-knowledge/faqs/material-faqs/faq-what-is-temper-embrittlement-and-how-can-it-be-controlled/

As for feeling blue, no harm, who cares? I sometimes like to feel red things.

You are Titanium, with a temper.

You've been heat treated to 337°C.

Take two aspirin and go to bed.

thank you all,i think maybe i have two problems,one is the work pressure, the other is the gap between me and my son, we almost cannot have a talk at all.

instead of talking AT him why don't you just talk to him about things that are important to him, if you do that often enough maybe it will become easier for you both to talk about the things you currently have no approach for.

Yes either one by itself can drive to drink....This is where an enjoyable hobby can really pay off....A support group or friend to talk to can help with gaining perspective....In any case when you hit a wall, I find it best to back away, find something enjoyable to do until inspiration gives a way forward....$.02

Forget talking.

Just do things together. The talk will come.

Work is a different story. Can't help you there.

or you could move to Colorado and develop a mutual recreation

You have started doing the right things to understand and either accommodate or cure the things you feel are not the way you would like them to be. The first step is to recognize that maybe things aren't the way you think they should be. GOOD, KEEP IT UP! Next is to look for help in at least clarifying what these things are. GOOD, KEEP IT UP. Next is identification of these problems, their interconnection, determining whether you what to maintain a status quo or seek outside help. Professional help is usually the best way to get educated and impartial help identifying clearly what the problem(s) are and what will assist you in having them control less of your life. Don't reject it until you have tried it.

Finding the right professional help that you are comfortable with is somewhat of a hit or miss endeavor. Some helpers are terrible for you but might be great for others. Don't stay with a helper unless you feel comfortable with them and their methods. Go on until you find the best for you, the one who can help you the most.

Many conditions and problems are not isolated by themselves but only one of a combination of things or part of a larger problem. Not that it pertains to you but a higher percentage of engineers than the general public suffer from depression derived from being "perfectionists". We (almost) always seek the exact and absolutely correct answer to things. We all know that the other guy can't be perfect all the time but don't realize that about ourselves. Missing that goal of being and producing "perfect" all the time can have us putting too much pressure on ourselves and make us depressed. One short term self help for this is to intentionally make a few mistakes or don't go into long explanations so that everything is explained to perfection. Short term for this is state what are the basics and then shut up!

As for your son, if it is of any consolation, many fathers have/have had the same problems with their sons. It too can be improved. Tell the therapist about it and they should be able to tell you how to handle it and improve it. Regretfully children don't get better as they get older, they just get different! There are more participants in this blog than you can imagine who have and continue to have the same type of problems you speak of.

As for the immediate, as others have stated, get a hobby in something you are interested in and/or enjoy. One good way to start is to begin working with your hands. Work Enjoy yourself with perhaps woodworking, metalworking, running, ham radio, sculpture, artistic welding/brazing, cars, building things, even cleaning the garage, etc. Many of us have found mental, job related and worries relaxation from such things. If you could see my "work shop" you would see from its size that I have had some very high tension and worrisome job related and home pressures. My workshop kept my sanity!

You have begun what might seen to be an arduous trip to helping yourself but any and all efforts will be well appreciated by you (and us). You are a human being; living in comfort with yourself is at least what you deserve.

Good Luck, Old Salt

I like to find something to make myself laugh. Laughing is a big relief, even if you're grumpy or blue. Especially if you're grumpy or blue.

Go on the internet, search for a good joke. Find a really good one that makes you laugh. Then email the link to your son "A good joke".

When you see him, remember the good joke and you'll start to smile. Ask him "Did you like my joke?" Maybe you'll get a smile or a few words. But if not, try again.

Go on the internet, find some news or a story that's interesting to your son. Because you are interested in him, you care about his interests. Email that to him too.

Not ten times a day, but only once every three or four days, email your son a link to a joke that made you laugh, or a story that made you interested, or that he would find interesting, without expecting too much in return.

Children can be very difficult at certain times and ages, and it can go on for a couple of years. You need a way to show your love even if it's difficult to talk. Be patient, and tell yourself, it will get better after time.

Best of luck to you.

Two words. Reduce expectations.

Dear Sir:

Thank you all, I will do my best to think about your good advice and try them.

1) Reduce my expectation about my job and my son.

2) Be myself, not be perfect at everything.

3) Do exercise, occupy my free time.

4) Try to relax, see a film or have dinner with my friends.

5) Move my focus on some easy things.

6) Withstand and endure.