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Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 4:20 PM

PARIS-Citing factors ranging from the dumb, ugly asteroid belt separating the terrestrial planets from the gas giants, to the super-boring and practically empty interstellar medium extending in nearly every direction, new research published Wednesday by the International Astronomical Union has concluded that Earth is located in "by far the lamest" region of the observable universe. "Despite years of intensive analysis, we have failed to uncover even a single pulsar, black hole, lenticular galaxy, binary star system, quasar, or any other cool stuff within 50 light years of this stupid dump of a solar system," read the study, which noted that to date, no telescope-either ground-based or in earth orbit-has been able to locate a portion of space more dull and tiresome than our own. "Maybe if we were a little closer to the center of the Milky Way galaxy instead of piddling away on one of its lame-ass outer arms, that'd be one thing, but we are right smack-dab in the middle of nowhere. All we've got is a bunch of crappy old cosmic background radiation and dumb-as-sh!t magnetic fields out here. Ugh." The study's authors added that they "so wish" they were on board one of the Voyager probes currently racing out of this mind-numbingly sh!tty planetary backwater.

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#1

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 4:28 PM

This is where the anthropomorphic argument does hold. We live in a boring, hospitable region of space because we would all quickly die if we would be near something interesting. At least something interesting as far as astrophysics is concerned.

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#3
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 5:17 PM

Bingo.

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#7
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 3:57 AM

Anthropomorphic and anthropic are not the same.

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#9
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 7:06 AM

Thank you. You are correct, I meant anthropic argument.

[Must have been the Onion juice in my eye.]

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#12
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 12:46 PM

No problemo. We knew what you meant. Next time get the spelling right.

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#10
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 10:41 AM

I could not have stated that better, so I will not. Life has to be coddled and protected in order to survive the rigors of astrophysics. Thus far, while we (may) have found planets in other systems that could support life, and possibly a moon or two in our own system that could support life, that has yet to be confirmed.

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#17
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 2:12 PM

Have you SEEN the new Cosmos series, with Degrasse Tyson? Our pre-pre-pre-prehistoric ancestors (aka bacteria) were riding around on chunks of rock in naked vacuum during the periods where Earth was a molten ball of hot magma death due to the latest major asteroid impact. The lucky ones survived the radiation and re-entry and picked up where they left off after crashing back onto the planet after it cooled. (The unlucky ones either got home early and were cooked like all the stay-at-homes, or they went on a LOOOOOONG journey out of the Solar System.)

Being launched into hard vacuum and radiation is not exactly 'coddling and protecting.'

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#20
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 2:50 PM

All of that is conjecture, and has not been rigorously proven. I agree that under the "right" circumstances it might be possible to have single-cell organisms in "cryostasis" of outer space, but really not so much if exposed to high doses of short wavelength or even ionizing radiation, and cosmic rays for extended periods of time.

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#16
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 2:04 PM

Although it's called the Anthropic Argument (or Anthropic Principle)not anthropomorphic argument.

The anthropomorphic argument goes along the lines of "Why don't we have talking animals in real life? Why are humans the only two-legged, tool-using creature on the planet with a written language?"

'Anthropic' meas 'Of or pertaining to humankind.'

'Anthropomorphic' means 'human shaped or human-like.'

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#35
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/21/2014 12:53 PM

Maybe it's just that I'm getting old, but this "boring" cul-de-sac is still FAR TOO EXCITING for me. S.M.

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#2

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 5:10 PM

Wow, research paper standards have really slipped over the years.

What's next, the Royal Astronomical Society scientifically referring to the vacuum of space as "Sweet fu$k all".

;)

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#15
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 4:46 PM

You should've seen what they wrote before running it through the autoclave. Twice.

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#4

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 8:01 PM

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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#8
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 5:05 AM

"there was a long pause, followed by a short pause, but so close together were they, it all just seemed to be one long pause."

―Spike Milligan, Puckoon

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#5

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 8:08 PM

No thru traffic...

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#6

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/14/2014 8:19 PM

We live on a cul-de-sac. It's better than living on an interstate.

Give me boring any day.

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#11
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 12:36 PM

I don't know about that. Studies have shown that bored civilizations tend to get into more mischief.

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#13
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 2:00 PM

Must be extremely boring in the mother of all cul-de-sacs - The Middle East. I name no particular actors at all in this, but nearly all of them are busy creating mischief of one kind or another, and you can't make this stuff up.

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#14
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/15/2014 4:40 PM

Come now. They're just trying to prove that the invention of the word 'civilisation' is about ten million years premature.

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#18
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 2:23 PM

I hate to say it, because it'll just start a flame war, Drama, and Hate, but the discovery of oil in the desert was one of the worst things to have ever happened to the planet.

A hundred years ago, the Mideast was just an 'over there' place, where princelings fought each other over a sandbox, and nobody else on the planet cared. They had no wealth, no political power, all they had was history: "The first known city was here, Tigris and Euphrates, Cradle of Civilization. We had street lamps while Europe was in the Dark Ages."

Yeah, but Europe progressed out of the Dark Ages into the Renaissance and the Industrial Revolution, while in the Mideast, some sand dunes shifted but not much else changed.

Then someone found oil 'over there' and now everyone wanted to be friends with the Sheiks, and they got a lot of new toys with their wealth, and started developing weapons so they would still be a world power after the oil runs out, simply because they could be a threat to other nations.

If they were still like they were pre-oil, when the coming of the locusts was a celebrated event (because it meant a source of protein had just flown in), we would have a much more peaceful planet. Mainly because Bush and the Son of Bush wouldn't have been starting wars over there.

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#19
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 2:46 PM

alright, no reason to wax political and start blame game. Besides, everyone knows it is the other side (of the aisle) that always gets the U.S. into trouble.

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#21
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 3:03 PM

"...The Middle East. I name no particular actors at all in this, but nearly all of them are busy creating mischief of one kind or another..."

<names two actors>

"...alright, no reason to wax political and start blame game."

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#22
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 3:41 PM

I meant no reason to wax political in here, if you can't tell who is always starting trouble in the Middle East, and in Washington, D.C., then that is YOUR problem, not mine, as I have no politicomyopia. Besides, there are so many people these days with cranial-interectumitis (do I have to explain that one), oh wait, you are not one of THOSE are you?

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#24
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 3:55 PM

Not the point of my post at all. My point is: if you don't want anyone stirring the pot, then don't bring it to the party.

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#23
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 3:48 PM

I apologize, I was out of order to vent here.

This was a case where, since I cannot complain about the thing that is really irritating me today, I end up trying to find something, ANYTHING, to complain about.

Please forgive my misanthropic outburst.

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#25
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/16/2014 4:02 PM
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#26

Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 8:32 AM

"Despite years of intensive analysis, we have failed to uncover even a single pulsar, black hole, lenticular galaxy, binary star system, quasar, or any other cool stuff within 50 light years of this stupid dump of a solar system,"
Who wrote this? The language sounds like it came from a grade schooler's assignment. Do they even know that a lenticular galaxy is much larger than 50 light years?

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#27
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 9:14 AM

Damn this onion juice. It's making me cry so hard that I'm laughing.

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#28
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 10:56 AM

Stay on topic....stay on topic! Arrrgh! That was a good point obout lenticular galaxies.

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#29
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 12:13 PM

I was on topic. The question was who wrote this? LOL [weep]

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#30
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 12:27 PM

Yes, all the article says is PARIS--"blah, blah,blah, blah, blah."

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#31
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 12:52 PM

It's true, when you cook an onion they get sweeter. ROFL

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#33
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 5:00 PM

Oops, didn't even look at the link. I should have known it was an "Onion" parody!

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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 5:14 PM
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#32
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

07/17/2014 2:53 PM

Not to mention known binary star systems within 50 light years. Siriusly.

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#36
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Re: Study Confirms Earth Located in Cosmic Cul-de-sac

08/14/2014 12:24 PM

WOOF woof

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