Death, Sex in Space Considered by NASA

I'll be pretty old in 30 years, so they won't have to worry about me having sex if they send me, but then again there's the dead body issue...

. . . and how many miles can you wear a diaper non stop . .

This is the film for you

What, no sex in space? How did she go to the moon last night?

I sent her there. Want pix?

Forget the pics... u want the video?

There are those of us who can, and those of you who can only talk about it.

Quite interesting: sex is only an issue in mixed crews.

Quite interesting: sex is only an issue in mixed crews.

I doubt it . That issue aside , whoever is knocking boots with who they are going to use more oxygen . Then again , the exercise and pleasure may help them to endure the trip. If people can get around the ethics , eating dead crew saves transport cost of food.

Given the cost of transporting the food etc. Can they take a nice Chianti?

Having food, sex and death, mixed issues, on a real-long space flight, it may eventually lead to infinite self eating food-chain reaction going on, if you get my "Mad Cow" drift.

What will they think of next?

Chianti production may be a problem , but I'm sure we can work out a viable astro..sorry herd size.

The cast:

SAILOR #1
Michael Palin
SAILOR #2
Graham Chapman
SAILOR #3
Eric Idle
SAILOR #4
Terry Jones
SAILOR #5
John Cleese

The sketch:

(Scene: The interior of a lifeboat. Seagulls are crying.)

Sailor #1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

Sailor #2: That's a rather personal question, sir.

Sailor #1: (low voice)You stupid git. I meant how long has it been in the lifeboat? You've destroyed the atmosphere now.

Sailor #2: I'm sorry.

Sailor #1: Shut up. Start again.

Sailor #1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

Sailor #2: 33 days, sir.

Sailor #1: Thirty-three days?

Sailor #2: We can't go on much longer. (low voices) I didn't think I destroyed the atmosphere.

Sailor #1: Shut up.

Sailor #2: Well, I don't think I did.

Sailor #1: 'Course you did.

Sailor #2: (aside, to 3) Did you think I destroyed the atmosphere?

Sailor #3: Yes I think you did.

Sailor #1: Shut up. Shut up!

Sailor #1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

Sailor #2: 33 days, sir.

Sailor #4: Have we started again? (slap)

Sailor #1: STILL no sign of land. How long is it?

Sailor #2: 33 days, sir.

Sailor #1: Thirty-three days?

Sailor #2: We can't go on much longer, sir. We haven't eaten since the fifth day.

Sailor #5: We're done for, we're done for!

Sailor #1: Shut up, Morley.

Sailor #2: We've just got to keep hoping. Someone may find us.

Sailor #4: How we feeling, Captain?

Sailor #5: Not too good. I...I feel so weak.

Sailor #2: We can't hold out much longer.

Sailor #5: Listen...chaps...there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a gamy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of you might. So...you'd better eat me.

Sailor #1: Eat you, sir?

Sailor #5: Yes. Eat me.

Sailor #2: Iiuuhh! With a gamy leg?

Sailor #5: You didn't eat the leg, Thompson. There's still plenty of good meat. Look at that arm.

Sailor #3: It's not just the leg, sir.

Sailor #5: What do you mean?

Sailor #5: Well, sir...it's just that -

Sailor #5: Why don't you want to eat me?

Sailor #3: I'd rather eat Johnson, sir! (points to sailor #4)

Sailor #2: So would I, sir.

Sailor #5: I see.

Sailor #4: Well that's settled then...everyone's gonna eat me!

Sailor #1: Uh, well.

Sailor #5: What, sir?

Sailor #1:: No, no you go ahead, please, I won't.......

Sailor #4: Oh nonsense, sir, you're starving; ducking.

Sailor #1: No, no, it's not that.

Sailor #2: What's the matter with Johnson, sir?

Sailor #1: Well, he's not kosher.

Sailor #3: That depends how we kill him, sir.

Sailor #1: Yes, that's true. But to be perfectly frank I...I like my meat a little more lean. I'd rather eat Hodges.

Sailor #2: Oh well, all right.

Sailor #5: I still prefer Johnson.

Sailor #5: I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me.

Sailor #2: Look. I tell you what. Those who want to can eat Johnson. And you, sir, can have my leg. And we make some stock from the Captain, and then we'll have Johnson cold for supper.

Sailor #1: Good thinking, Hodges.

Sailor #4: And we'll finish off with the peaches. (picks up a tin of . peaches)

Sailor #3: And we can start off with the avocados. (picks up two avocados) Sailor #1: Waitress! (a waitress walks in) We've decided now, we're going to have leg of Hodges...

(Boos off-screen. Cut to a letter.)

Voice Over: Dear Sir, I am glad to hear that your studio audience disapproves of the last skit as strongly as I. As a naval officer I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden. Arabs? Yours etc. Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic.

Classic ! I must see you for lunch one day. Perhaps you could arrive with an orange in your mouth - it will save preparation time. Catch yourself a bit of a tan , while I sharpen the spit.

Remarkable.

Maybe the best choice for a 3 year flight would be lesbian couples.

Male homosexuals would be no good they might end up killing each other.

Straight couples or mixed crews end up having children on route.

I think you made up this list from the standpoint of the Houston flight control center:

If it need to happen, what is the most attractive on the screen?

None if they are preoccupied with sex and personal relationships.

It's perhaps a nice television format: Temptation flight.

And with the televison rights the project can be paid.

With the likely crew applicants for TV coverage it's a sure fire no-brainer.

Sending out those to Mars would be great for earth's average IQ level: But make sure they don't know that the return option is not yet implemented.

Tell them about TV , and they wouldn't question any potential drawbacks. If by chance they survived the trip , the Klingons might want to ensure no further visitors.

Plan cancelled. Let Big Brother have them , it's their only possible use.

Plan cancelled. Let Big Brother have them , it's their only possible use.

Thats it, you've gone to far know, the level is through the basement.

I haven't mentioned Jordan and peter yet.

Oops. yes I did. OMG .The charlotte church / victoria bekham /...... show.

bluuurrpppp.

Male homosexuals would be no good they might end up killing each other

So wouldn't this just mean more food? Assuming there isn't any HIV contamination involved but I would imagine that sort of thing would get caught in the regular training/testing needed to go into space.

The menu would go as follows:

first: Eat all the veggies

2nd: eat the vegitarians (leaving them alive would be too cruel)

3rd: eat the late homosexual males

4th: ...then the lesbian females

(note all this eating needs to allow time for couple to procreate)

5th: eat the parents.

Hopefully you've made it somewhere.

"Thank you for flying with..."

Leave it to the contributors at CR4 to come up with the ultimate in recycling implementations! We could name the craft the soylent green...

milo

Using only lipstick lesbians, we can finance the mission with stream video to a porn site called "Boobs in Space".

Need a different heading. NASA already has dibs on that one.

It all depends on what you want to eat when looking from sexual stand point of view and there is a view of necrophilic. They should look into taking those austronauts out, because that just be too nasty.

I want my money back. (pointing) That one moved.

I suggest making a new TV series instead of SEX AND THE CITY.....SEX AND THE SPACE CITY...it would be a nice story of lesbian and Gay couples who are killing each other for food and not only because some of them will be necrophilic.....Not a bad idea for TV series huh?

So, the immanent magical mixture is:

- A reality-TV show, about a shuttle to be launched to the last frontier, with a hand-picked group of people, comprising of four distinct groups: Homosexuals, Lesbians, Necrophiliacs, and Cannibals.

- Each group is quarantined, at the first stage, the all-round selection tournament.

- Selection of the momentary-losers in each tournament, means cooking them as buffet-food for the duration of each tournament.

- Selection of the final-losers in each tournament, means cooking them as pantry-food for the future remaining competants.

- The host is a normal, God-fearing, All-American Jo-Blow.

- I only get royalties for Pay-Per-View agreements with syndicated broadcast organisations.

- My people will call your people to discuss and sign the fine-print.

Why do you insist on cooking the food?

Is this some Jewish tradition?

No. Cooking food is a worldwide tradition. Cooking the dead is Jewish.

What are you, the Space Kosher Police?

LMAO

My Dad got badly burned for saying thinks like that . Mind you , they don't f*** about at Milton Keynes Crem.

Just for the record , come the day , I would like to become an egg-timer or a door-stopper. Being on ladies fingers is appealing , but I am selective and could not retain control of this. Other suggestions will be noted.

This has got to be the most over-the-top thread I've yet to see on CR4. A sure sign this is a healthy forum!

And you're way over the top, europium!

Your new avatar matches you personality better, I think, but the old one was more scientific. I'm torn. Did you take that picture of yourself while looking in a mirror?

S

Nah. That's just one of my personas. Here's a real pic of me:

Before morning coffee...

after...

This is a tough one. The feathers might cause choking , the Morlok will put up a fight , and head-ache guy could be bluffing. We'll have to let the Morlok fatten up on the other 2 , and then overpower him with bright lights. Come to think of it , the lights would work on all three.

Too much cannibalism is bad for your health. Consider this guy, a captain in the Royal Navy:

Eating himself?!?!?!?

What gives?

He'd have been rejected by the USN as under-weight. RN would not waste a potential resource.

That too, but here, consider this just for instance, any instance at all

That weird pope/masonic/everything ensamble is ,well , weird !

You know some strange places

What happend to Layka ? Toasted/stuffed/experimented (recall zero pressure thread)? humanely poisoned ? Oh , yeah ,forgot it was Russia quite some time ago. Nowadays nobody would ever do som.... Oh , yeah,forgot it......

Oh...Layka, my old Russian cousin. She's really of Japanese descent you know. Born on the shores of the rice-spouting hot-water lake, near Kamiokanda...

I like it! And I must admit that I have an affinity to incorrigible nonconformists.

The Good , the Bad , and the Ugly. Lets truel for it. I wanna be good ! You two can sort the rest out between yourselves . Well OK , I'll play Bad if you really want me to , but I'M NOT PLAY UGLY.NO. WONT DO IT.

Hey, Once bad, what's ugly?

B-b-b-bad to the bone. And until you've seen me before morning coffee, you ain't seen ugly!

Btw, I caused my ex's death. When I pulled the bag off my head, she keeled over. So did the hooker. Thank goodness the great dane could dial...

We know every sordid detail e , and you're next for the honey-trap Yuavl. Beware of squrrels holding nuts.

You're nut's. What's there to beware of? I love nuts. literally. I even play pocket-nuts, all day long. At nights I play the nut cracker.

Beware you don't get expressionated.

get some of these quick !

Took choice for the personality too?

Aren't we all so very humane? With all the beauties "trapped" in show-biz, who will be left to serve all the she-apes out there?

Me, for one. I do the good deed, for posterior and posterity.