How Much Would It Cost to Fight the Batman?

Recently, I've been saving every nickel and penny I can get my hands on. While purchasing tires (or tyres) isn't exactly a budget-breaking expenditure, the cost can easily set one back $1,000 or more.

Let's be honest, saving money is never exactly fun. Those nights out end a little bit earlier. Lunches are now brown-bagged. The dollar store? Try the 33 cents store.

Of course if I were rich, none of these cost-saving measures would even be necessary. That is, if I were rich. Instead, I'm here doing this, so draw your own conclusions. And either you're born into old money, or you do something amazing enough to earn that first million. Once more, with feeling: I'm writing this.

There is another way however. Something a little more illicit and malicious, but the payday is great and almost instantaneous. Crime.

I'm absolutely not saying a life in crime is the way to make your money. More than likely, a career criminal will spend years behind bars, have no sense of family or friendship, and may end up pushing up daisies. The only thing I am saying is that, well…it's an option. Some initial capital will be needed to get yourself on the right (read: wrong) criminal path. And, if you're going to end up fighting Batman, the richest of the rich and the most righteous of the righteous, you better have your stuff together.

Everyone seems intent on proving how much it costs to become the Bat, which some sources say is about $134 million, others indicate as $79 million, and yet others claim is $682 million.

Let's flip the coin and see how much it costs to become some of his nemeses; it is undoubtedly more interesting, and probably easier to financially guesstimate.

The Joker

The Clown Prince of Crime has a background he prefers to call "multiple choice," however some definite conclusions about his biography can be made. Notably, The Joker has extensive knowledge in chemical engineering, and his ghoulish white skin is a result of a mishap at his former place of employment, Ace Chemical Company. With this background he synthesizes his signature Joker venom, which kills people with fits of laughter. He has also demonstrated proficiency in weaponizing mundane objects, like playing cards or throwing pies, into lethal implements. Though he admits his simple tastes of bullets, dynamite, and gasoline, his garish purple suit is tailored from a top-end designer. The Joker doesn't have a permanent hideout, preferring to squat in or overrun his places of rest. Finally, the Joker occasionally hires a crew, but they usually die or are captured by Batman.

Education: Bachelor's in chemical engineering, $155,356 (out-of-state).

Customized equipment: Joker venom, $662 per pound (hydrogen cyanide at 75 cents per pound, and strychnodide at $661 per pound); Razor-edge playing cards, $30; exploding cigar, $1.83 (adjusted for inflation).

Weapons: .45 Colt revolver and ammunition, ~$800; 10 gallons gasoline, $35.54 (current U.S. prices); Pound of nitroglycerin, $12 (adjusted for inflation of cost per pound in 1866).

Outfit: Purple trench coat with green vest, patterned shirt, tie, and socks, $408 (Dark Knight authentic).

Headquarters: He's a squatter, so $0.

Fight training: He's a weakling, so $0.

Crew: One permanent member/lover, Harley Quinn, $500 per week expenses.

Overall: $157,445.37

Mr. Freeze

While The Joker runs around in maniacal, impassioned outbursts, Mr. Freeze is the epithet of cool. Literally. Due to a cryogenic accident in an attempt to save his terminally ill wife, Dr. Victor Fries (he's earned a doctorate in cryogenic engineering) cannot sustain himself in an environment which is above freezing. As a result, he must wear a cryogenic suit whenever he ventures outside of his laboratory in search of supplies. Additionally, he must wear an exoskeleton to support the cryogenic suit, but it also provides him with superhuman strength. Without a doubt, all of the cryogenic equipment he must procure is his largest expense. He also has a "freeze ray," which instantly immobilizes its targets. However, there is no such thing as a ray gun, but there are particle guns in development around the world. These operate by exposing the target to a seemingly limitless amount of energy and overheating it until it explodes. So, for Mr. Freeze, we're going to expand on these principles somewhat and proclaim he has a reverse particle gun: a weapon which draws all of the energy out of its target, rendering it lifeless.

Education: Doctorate in biomedical engineering, $253,382 (out-of-state)

Exoskeleton: $1.1 million, based upon Lockheed's HULC prototype

Outfit: chemical protection suit, $3,610 (based on Dräger CPS 7900); Full body, mobile cryogenic preservation system: at least $200,000 (based on the cost to preserve a deceased person)

Cryonic laboratory: at least $30 million (based on construction costs of the Magnet Test Laboratory cryogenic systems).

Weapon: reverse particle gun, $30 million

Crew: $0

Overall: $61,556,992

Penguin

Penguin might be the most visually unimpressive of Batman's foes, but he lives a lavish lifestyle, and like many of this rogue's gallery he has earned a scientific degree. He is owner of The Iceberg Lounge, which serves as the social centerpiece for Gotham's elite and as his personal base of operations. Penguin employs an entourage of mobsters and also keeps a personal aviary which rivals that of the Gotham Zoo. Despite his stature, Penguin is proficient in hand-to-hand combat from training in judo and boxing. His preferred weapons are a series of umbrellas which have clandestine weapons integrated in them, including machine guns, blades and propellers. Unlike Joker and Mr. Freeze, he also keeps a personal transport, his antique limousine.

Education: Bachelor's in zoology/animal biology, $134,128 (no American universities offer a degree in ornithology)

Umbrella collection: sword umbrella, $17.99; gun umbrella, $2,900 (estimate based on this)

Outfit: $1,000 (top hat, high-end suit, monocle)

Headquarters: $275,000 (based on cost of midtown Manhattan lounge for sale)

Personal vehicle: $55,000 (1951 Bentley limo)

Aviary: $590,000 (cost of municipal-sized aviary)

Crew: 10 individuals, at salary of $400 per week, plus cut of profits, $4,000+

Martial arts training: judo, $10,150 (unlimited lessons for five years plus fees); boxing, $12,000 (unlimited lessons for five years)

Overall: $1,084,195.99

Of course, the above estimates are only for fun, but I did my best to source the expenses. How do you think I did?

It turns out, that if I want to buy my tires, I'm better off squirreling away a few extra bucks here and there. Considering the scientific educations of most Batman villains, it would probably be just as rewarding to seek a career in my expertise. It would be considerably easier, and much less painful.