A Very Short Tragedy

You forgot to include the package of "patents with no basis in engineering science" free with every order...

Edit of OP,now a long story:

For sale:

1 Parachute.

Used once.

Never opened.

Small stain.

3 Ring release needs lubricating.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3-ring_release_system

Checking the functionality of one's gear before leaping from an aircraft would seem to be a prudent thing to do.

In controlled conditions that is the way to go,but in an emergency,where a person is grabbing a chute from a rack,it may not be an option.

By the way,does anyone believe that DB Cooper had a good parachute?

It could have been purposely rigged to fail.

I am pretty sure the Gov'mnt knows that he did not survive.

No, DB Cooper wanted two parachutes, indicating that he was taking a passenger hostage on the jump.

This ensured the ‘chutes would not be tampered with, authorities couldn’t take the chance.

Of course, he didn’t take anyone with him - clever ruse, all in all.

Too clarify it’s history, was the owner caught in the act?

Possibly...but that's another story....

Does it come with a manufacturer's warranty - satisfaction guaranteed or money back, that sort of thing?

Of Course.

A non-transferable Lifetime warranty!

Is that the lifetime of the purchaser or of the parachute?

This is appropriate joke and on topic.

One day, 4 people were on a small plane, a captain, a priest, a boy scout, and a smartest man in the world.

They were all eating a nice meal until the pilot came out and said, “This plane is about to crash. Grab a parachute and jump!”

The pilot then grabbed a parachute and jumped off. The smartest man in the world said, “I need that parachute, the world needs my knowledge” and so he jumped off.

The priest said, “Boy you take that last parachute, the world doesn’t need me, I am just an old priest.”

The boy scout said, “No, what are you talking about? There are 2 parachutes left.”

“What?” – the priest.

“It is correct, the smartest man in the world took my backpack.” – responded the boy scout.

OK,you got me started on the parachute jokes.

A sky diver making his first solo jump was having difficulty finding the D ring,and on the way down,he met a man going up.

As they passed by each other the parachutist asked:

"Do you know anything about parachutes?"

"No,he replied.Do you know anything about gas heaters?"