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What You See Is What You Get

05/27/2019 6:49 AM

What you see is what you get.People tend to find what they are seeking.For instance,if you have a red Corvette,or VW you will notice another car like yours on the highway and remember it. All others will be forgotten. Likewise with offenses.Seek and you shall find offense in just about anything. No one can be offended unless they allow it.When someone is obviously deliberately trying to offend you,ignore it.Or respond by saying "Thank you." That really catches them off guard and puts the insult back on them. Consider the source and allow for ignorance,and don't go looking for offense for you will surely find it.

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#1

Re: What you see is what you get

05/27/2019 9:55 AM

So true, if someone is trying to upset or insult you, nothing frustrates them more than a polite, happy response.

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#41
In reply to #1

Re: What you see is what you get

09/30/2022 12:25 PM

This works people and dogs. Stand up straight, look them in the eye, snap your finger while pointing at them, and in a strong voice say, "How are YOU going to act!". It catches them off guard, and they hesitate. Looking them in the eyes is the key, because if frustrated you never know what they're going to do. Be prepared with your words, don't be wishy washy, but in this day and age you have to be ready to stick a couple fingers in their throat which stops them cold giving you time to run. Another thing that works is to hold your phone up to an oncoming person and say, "Gotcha, we know what YOU'RE doing!"

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#2

Re: What you see is what you get

05/27/2019 12:46 PM

Random musical interlude...

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#42
In reply to #2

Re: What you see is what you get

09/30/2022 6:31 PM

That was really good. A good dose of blues without being too dark. I'll have to check out what else she's got. I'd bet she swims good, too.

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#3

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/27/2019 11:51 PM

I disagree. " No one can be offended unless they allow it."? You don't always have the power to NOT allow it. You can bring it to their attention, but after that, it's up to them to fix it. I say give credit/blame where credit/blame is due (don't ignore it). Don't give credit where blame is due, and don't blame where credit is due. But, DO pay your dues. Then, nobody can say you didn't try, and it is on them.

"When someone is obviously deliberately trying to offend you", you never know how far they will go with it. I will not accept the responsibility for their insistence. Killing them should not be put on my shoulders. How far will you go?

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#6
In reply to #3

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 6:37 AM

You have the right to disagree.My philosophy is not for everyone. >Words are just words.Say anything you like,but if it becomes physical, or have the potential to physically harm me, I have the knowledge,skills,abilities and technology to defend myself. I refuse to let someone else have control over my adrenal gland with mere words. I will not allow them any head space.

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#8
In reply to #6

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 7:29 AM

"Words are just words"? That might be true for someone who uses words easily/carelessly. But, some people put their blood/sweat/tears/heart/soul into them. Something worth doing should be be worth doing well. If one uses words carelessly, why use them at all? Everybody's word should be worth something. Please don't de-value words.

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#10
In reply to #6

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 8:39 AM

It's hard to use your wits and tools when being "offended" by a psychopath. There are no tools to deal with an offensive psychopath aside from utter contempt and refusal to play along.. litterly moving on.

The "therapist" and law are of no help unless you are more than offended... by then it's too late... guess who knows how to play the system like a violin?

This knowledge is not free to come by so remember it as the most successful psychopath is hidden in plain sight.

.. happy Tuesday!

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#11
In reply to #10

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 9:12 AM

To each his own.I do no try to convert anyone to my way of thinking,or that my way is the "right way". It simply is my way.It has served me well over the years. When I was young and foolish(who wasn't?)I was very easily angered,and I got into many physical conflicts.The best defense was a swift and brutal offense. As I matured,I became a little wiser and realized most of my troubles in my youth were because of anger and hyper sensitivity to insults,real or perceived. Most could have been avoided by a calmer more mature attitude. I was ready at the drop of a hat.I don't recall anytime when I spoke in anger that I did not later regret it. Yes,I can be offended,but it will never show.I can only be offended by those that I respect,all others are invalid.

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#14
In reply to #11

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 5:11 PM

I was easily offended in my youth as well. Vulnerable and wounded by any slight, I was ruthless in moving on and chronically a loner.

One of the best things that happened to me, I took a creative writing course where we learned to give and receive constructive criticism. Until then all criticism had been perceived as destructive, but my perspective changed entirely. Instead of being offended I learned to see every criticism as an opportunity to better my own game. Even if the criticism turned out to be not useful to my work, it informed me about the broader audience, and as such I learned something and scored a gain. The second positive thing that happened, at a public reading of our writings my fellow students laughed loudly at what I had written. I found this immensely satisfying as a perspective on my miserable existence and as a reward for sharing it.

As for our internet, I am rarely offended but it does happen sometimes. I agree it is better not to engage, especially trolls which love to be fed, it is better to starve them of attention.

I have a great personal talent for offending others unintentionally with my words. So I do try to be careful about that. I am not malicious or unkind at heart, but I know my flaws and have to work at it to express myself without cutting anybody.

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#35
In reply to #3

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/04/2022 5:20 PM

Hmm…

maybe we should have a ‘Therapy’ section here

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#4

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 1:22 AM

Not that long ago, someone called me an idiot.

Rather than saying anything, I briefly thought about it.

I came to the conclusion that they were more or less correct.

I have done some pretty idiotic things in my lifetime.

I then dismissed the thought and went back to whatever I was doing.

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#36
In reply to #4

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/04/2022 5:26 PM

I worked at a ship yard, the saying there was ‘If you never screwed up, you’re not working’.

I highly doubt that anyone wish that they regret on doing something,

my take on it, there are two (2) two kinds of people

(1) people that sit on a fence and say, you’ve shouldn’t have done that.

(2) people that actually do things they may regret some things they did, but they learned by it and move on… the fence sitters,… well,… they’re still sitting on a fence passing judgement.

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#5

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 5:04 AM

Now I am offended!

I did not get what I have wanted!

Where is my Corvette?

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#7

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 6:54 AM

I will not be a victim. I have said for a long time that if I am offended, I have allowed you to make me a victim. You can not offend me. I will not allow it.

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#9
In reply to #7

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 7:55 AM

Since when is being offended being a victim (or vice versa)? If someone steals my beloved things, I'm not offended; but, I am a victim. If someone insults me, it depends on the quality of the insult/who says it, that determines whether it's true or not. But, if a genuine offense has been committed against you, you are a victim whether you like it or not, or are offended by it or not. Just because you don't take offense because of it, doesn't mean you weren't violated. And, just because one is violated/offended, doesn't mean they should run off on a temper-tantrum "justifying" every little stupid thing they do.

Not addressing the problem does more harm than good. I wouldn't "sweep it under the rug" and hope it goes away, whether I'm "offended" or not. Don't confuse the emotion of "being offended" with an actual offense committed against you. If you're not "offended" by an actual offense, then how can you trust your own values?

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#12

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 9:51 AM

I totally agree.

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#13

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/28/2019 11:53 AM

One little phrase totally disarms anyone:

"Thank you for your feedback".

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#15

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/29/2019 11:36 AM

The slight flaw is that it can be hard to brush things off. To use a classic example in psychology, if I tell you not to think about Polar Bears you cannot do it. Part of your brain is still working on recalling what it's not supposed to think of. A huge number of possible events can also trigger a memory.

Offence may be done with intent (of differing nature), but it's also down to interpretation. The offence may be an attempt at constructive criticism. Not descending to the gutter is generally good, and not getting a reaction will drive the other party round the bend.

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#16
In reply to #15

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/29/2019 11:39 AM

Thanks a bunch Kris, now my head is full of polar bears.

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#17
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Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/29/2019 1:02 PM

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#18
In reply to #17

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/29/2019 1:08 PM

Imagine a universe with no hypothetical situations.

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#32
In reply to #18

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 4:09 PM

I have a question for you. If the canary in the coal mine dies and nobody notices, does that mean the mine is safe?

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#33
In reply to #32

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 5:55 PM

Does that mean that a 'somebody' would have noticed the death of a beautiful bird.

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#34
In reply to #33

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 6:53 PM

Hmmm... Good question. I suppose that if "Nobody" noticed the bird, then "Somebody" would have, also. Then "Somebody" would have decided the mine wasn't safe, and saved "Everybody" from entering the mine. That works for me. Thanks.

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#29
In reply to #16

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 9:46 AM

And now it still is ! Not to worry, a hundred or so people are now doing the same (self included)

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#19

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 9:38 AM

There is one aspect of this that I must comment on. Especially on the internet, there are a lot of Terms Of Usage that include "The Service May Not Be Used to Access or Disseminate Offensive Materials".

Who decides who's "offense" is more valid than someone else's? It's not fair to allow some entities the right to be offended, and not others. There is a point to the argument "I'm offended by your offense". You can't allow one entity to run rampant with offenses, and tie the other's hands behind their back. We are not chickens on a chicken farm. That offends me (that should offend you, too).

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#20
In reply to #19

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 10:31 AM

So I should be offended because it offends you?You wish to impose your weakness on me?Offense is a personal thing,and to each his own.As I stated,my philosophy is mine and mine alone.There may be others that share a similar opinion,but if not,that's OK with me.You have the right to be offended by anything or anyone you please,and when it comes to matters of opinion or taste,arguments are moot.I may say that your wife and kids are ugly.Does that trigger your adrenal gland? Offend you? See how easy it is for someone to control you?I do not relinquish control to anyone else.But then again, that's just my philosophy.

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#21
In reply to #20

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 3:53 PM

You're missing something. As part of the terms of use, we all agreed to "The Service May Not Be Used to Access or Disseminate Offensive Materials". If either you or I are offended at the drop of a hat, somebody got offended and those terms were violated. Now, should they ban one of us for offending the other, or ban the other for being offended? Just like me, I'm sure you don't want to be banned. Would getting banned offend you? It's better to resolve the issue than to "suffer in silence". If Admin intervenes, Not only do they have to takes sides, But they will be set-up to offend one of us. Neither of us think we're doing anything wrong. Therefore, the ban will be an offense to one of us. How do you propose to resolve that? Which one of us should blink first?

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#24
In reply to #21

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 6:14 PM

My comments were not intended to offend,merely to give an example.

I did not say they were ugly,I said"I may...", a hypothetical question.

If you were offended,I apologize.I thought you would take it in the context that it was meant.

Say anything you like about me or mine,and it will not bother me a bit.You don't know me,I don't know you, so my opinion should be totally worthless to you.

It is merely some inconvenienced electrons striking some phosphors on a screen that have no meaning except what we assign to them.

I see you seem to be easily offended,so I will tread lightly in future correspondence with you.

I realize there are many people that are not as thick skinned as I am,and I sometimes come across as abrasive to those of a gentler persuasion.

Once again,my apologies for offending you.

However it does prove the point of this post.

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#25
In reply to #24

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 6:19 PM

I did not intend to offend either. But, stuff happens. Now what? How does it get resolved? Or, does it just fester?

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#26
In reply to #25

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 6:31 PM

I was not and am not offended.It is very hard,nearly impossible, to offend me,so there is no need for you to apologize.My reconciliation has already been made,unless you demand a pound of flesh,in which case,you will just have to fester.I consider it the end of the matter.

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#27
In reply to #26

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 8:30 PM

Well, all this proves is that my choice of words wasn't adequate. The several points I was trying to make are 1) One can be offended whether you "allow" it or not. A thief still deprives you of your stuff whether you're "offended" or not. 2) Accidental "offenses" will recur, unless that "accident" is brought to the attention of the offender so he has an opportunity to correct it. 3) "When someone is obviously deliberately trying to offend you...", ignoring it is NOT disallowing it. 4) "I see you seem to be easily offended, so I will tread lightly in future correspondence with you." That's not what I want. Referring to #2 above, I don't want you to feel that you can't point out my mistakes, depriving me of the opportunity to fix them. 5) "People tend to find what they are seeking." Then why is it so hard to find something that really works? It seems that life on this Earth is just a promotional advertisement that doesn't live up to all the hype. Where's "truth in advertising"? 6) What I don't understand, is why the same fights keep getting fought over and over and over and over again. I'm more interested in a lasting peace that really works. Toleration is just something you put up with; that's not prospering. That's just something you have to settle for. I'm tired of living that way. 7) None of this was intended to keep you from expressing your true beliefs. But, please examine your beliefs once in awhile, to ensure that you really believe them, and are not just giving them lip-service that de-values words.

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#22
In reply to #19

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 4:39 PM

When these kind of rules appear in the TOS, it is up to the owner of the site to decide what is meant by offensive material. Most site will give examples of "offensive material" but if not, and a moderator sanctions you for the offense, all will be explained no doubt, if you have failed to understand what is meant.

If you don't like the rules or how they are enforced, you don't have to frequent the site. World Wild Web has plenty of places to accomodate various tastes, rules, etc.

Sites that exclude politics and religion can have a tough time with 'politicized' topics. That burns, but ultimately we still have the freedom to go to some other site that shares our political views and mouth off in like minded company.

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#23
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Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/30/2019 6:10 PM

Yes, I get that. But, If you limit your conversation to those you agree with, how does anything get resolved? Maybe the term "anti-social" needs to be redefined, too.

I get that this is not the place for such discussions. But, it was brought up by someone other than me. I was just responding. I'd be glad to move this to the Break Room; that's why I joined the Break Room. But, don't expect me to be silent on something that matters to me that was brought up by someone else. I did not bring up the subject.

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#30
In reply to #19

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 10:17 AM

You seem to have entirely missed the point.

I thought I made it plain that I was referring to verbal or written insults.

Do I need to explain it further?

Never mind,it will do no good.If you don't get it by now,you never will,IMHO.

I leave you with these thoughts:

Mark Twain said it best:"Knowing exactly what to say,I said nothing." “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Exit 0

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#31
In reply to #30

Re: What You See Is What You Get

06/01/2019 2:07 PM

I understand that you don't want to argue. But, was that intended to imply that I should not argue with a fool? Maybe you're right. I'll concede that point. Maybe I was giving you you too much credit. But, as a gesture of good will, I want to acknowledge that I like the handle HiTekRedNeck. I'm somewhat of a redneck myself. So, since I'm also sympathetic to the Native American Indian, I wouldn't mind if you called me SavvySavage.

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#37
In reply to #31

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/04/2022 7:10 PM

Before any one can offend me verbally or with writing,I must know and respect them and their opinion..even then I take it lightly,unless it is constructive criticism,then I give it consideration.

When someone deliberately tries to be verbally offensive,I usually reply:"Sticks and stones may break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.!)

That usually elicits a smile or laugh and defuses the situation.

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#38
In reply to #37

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/05/2022 8:52 AM

That is a better response. Regardless of how much a fool they might be, a lot of people fail to evaluate it properly to know what kind of response is appropriate (they might not be a fool; just a bully testing the waters for sharks). My point is that some don't know when to quit; No response risks the possibility of them not quitting (a bad fate).

One sarcasticle (a piece of sarcasm) is worth ten silences.

But, even a sincere fool might appreciate being "enlightened" that he was offensive.

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#39
In reply to #38

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/05/2022 10:15 AM

I will never argue with you.

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"A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child." "Never argue with a stupid person.They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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Guru

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#43
In reply to #31

Re: What You See Is What You Get

10/15/2022 8:52 AM

I will never argue with you.

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"A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child." "Never argue with a stupid person.They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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Power-User

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#28

Re: What You See Is What You Get

05/31/2019 7:14 PM

In with you, here is another possible response, on free speech, "because, in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive"......JBP

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Member

Join Date: Oct 2019
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#40

Re: What You See Is What You Get

09/30/2022 2:05 AM

It's a cliche that exactly means what it says: you get what you see. That's what you see when you see something.

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Cournes
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