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The Engineer
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A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/02/2009 5:44 PM

Those of you who know me on CR4 know of my crusade against Penguins. Previous warnings can be found here or here. Often my warnings of the impending Penguin threat are ignored or laughed off as a joke.

Well here's some news that hopefully will give you naysayers pause, it turns out that Penguins have established a beachhead in South Africa (somebody warn Jorrie!). These "African Penguins" have adapted to the warmer temperatures and in their usual devious manner charmed a local beat writer into complacent admiration, no doubt so they can fortify their position without resistance. The article can be found here.

This follows closely on the heels of the recent decade long occupation of Patagonia. Here is the link.

And of course their vicious campaign for the Stanley Cup (Go Wings!).

Where does it end? I understand no one watches hockey anymore, and who really worries about Patagonia?, but as they slowly drift northward bent on domination at somepoint they will start to conquer places that matter. It's time we acted.

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#1

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/02/2009 7:41 PM

May a thousand octopi rise out of the Hudson and feast on your liver!

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#2

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/02/2009 8:25 PM

Roger - how I missed your previous posts is beyond me!

I have worried about this threat since helping the youngest with a science paper - and I have to tell you - you may have missed the greatest aspect of this dread threat

Poopal velocity

An Ig Nobel for fluid dynamics was awarded for a theoretical analysis of penguin poop propulsion, conducted by Benno Meyer-Rochow of the International University of Bremen in Germany and Oulu University in Finland, and Jozsef Gal of Lorand Eötvös University in Hungary.

When nature calls, brooding chinstrap and Adélie penguins are reluctant to leave their nests and expose their eggs to the cold. Instead, they simply point their rear outward, lift their tail, and fire. The departing excreta typically reaches distances of about 40 centimetres.

Accounting for the bird's height, anal anatomy, and poopal velocity and viscosity, the researchers calculated that the internal pressures reach 10 to 60 kilopascals (0.1 to 0.6 atmospheres), well above the highest pressures humans can put to the task.

But is this not a rather trivial matter for serious scientists? "Actually, only a few people felt this," Meyer-Rochow told New Scientist. "And when we explained the responses from zookeepers, palaeontologists, engineers, human physiologists and so on, everybody understood that examining the physical properties of the release of fluids through small orifices was something of general importance."

Courtesy of Ignoble

A 40 centimeter radius!

Explosive poops!

All treated like a joke - What will it take to awaken people to this threat?

(I have a call in to Al Gore)

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#3
In reply to #2

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/02/2009 8:31 PM

We have five of the little buggers over at the Aviary (Yeah, one of 'em is named Sydney of course). Last year, for my birthday, my wife got tickets for us to spend about an hour in a little building with one of these while watching a presentation. So, the guy climbed all over us during the show, and roughly every 15 seconds, Bombs Away! It's nonstop.

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#4
In reply to #2

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/02/2009 10:24 PM

And if you think those guys are bad, wait till you get a load of these guys ......

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#5
In reply to #4

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 12:52 AM

Good god, they're insidious.

First South Africa, then Madagascar.....they're just a single campaign from seizing Kenya. From Kenya they can infiltrate the Sudan, take the Nile and Red Sea, and control shipping through the Suez, effectively cutting off the Mediterranean.

If you examine the Risk board below they're plan becomes obvious:

Independently South America, Africa, and Australia are not worth a lot of armies, but if you hold all three you've got a major advantage. If I were them, after securing those three I'd go for North America. It's easily defensible and offers a nice launching point for Europe or Russia.

God I hate them, but I admire their strategy, tactics, and plain gumption.

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#6
In reply to #2

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 12:54 AM

Don't worry, They're monitoring the threat from space (open the link, you won't believe it):

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/06/02/penguin.satellite.images/

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#7

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 1:55 AM

Hi Roger - Jorrie and myself are quite safe as we are not close to the ocean but I will post a notice outside "Penguins required in Zimbabwe" to be on the safe side.

I think they struck already in SA - We just lost 55 whales who beached themselves during a protest march against the penguins.

I have a question - Why do humanity attempt to return or kill beached whales when they come out of the ocean to evolve?

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#8
In reply to #7

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 3:07 AM

and you thought those were people on Clifton Beach (Cape Town RSA)

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#10
In reply to #7

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 8:40 AM

Yeah, I heard about the whales. You raise a good point about the whales. This time though I think the Penguins used the whales as amphibious landing vehicles and then simply discarded them once they established their beachhead.

Smart thinking about the sign.

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#9

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 7:44 AM

4 to 2

Quod foetet?

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#11

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/03/2009 9:05 AM

Greatness......

I hit the stars button, and I might just GA-Bomb the hell outta this thread - thanks Roger!

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#12

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/05/2009 12:52 AM

Roger, you might be onto something after all. I think I've discovered their mastermind!

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#13

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/05/2009 10:05 AM

Hey, penguins can have issues too:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8081829.stm

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#14
In reply to #13

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/05/2009 10:22 AM

I can't believe that article. I checked it twice to make sure it was real. There is no comment or response for something like that.

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#15

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/07/2009 9:04 AM

During the Falklands war, the Harrier pilots found a way to deal with penguins.

They flew parallel to the beach. 10,000 penguin heads swivelled to watch.

They reversed the direction. 10,000 penguin heads swivelled to watch.

They came in from the sea. 10,000 penguins tried to follow the motion and fell over backwards.

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#16

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/10/2009 7:36 AM

Roger,

I realize it's not Lent, but I understand Penguins have a habit of feasting on octopus on Fridays. ??

Care to wager? Loser has to pose a good challenge or discussion.

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#17
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Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/10/2009 9:11 AM

I'm confident they don't, only because I know they are godless creatures.

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#18

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 2:13 PM

And of course their vicious campaign for the Stanley Cup (Go Wings!).



Alas, your fears have come true! (Well, this one at least.)

I believe they sent spies into Tulsa a few years back.

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#19
In reply to #18

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 3:26 PM

Damn Penguins! How does Pittsburgh end up with a team named the Penguins anyway?

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#20
In reply to #19

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 3:38 PM

I wrote that comment from my new Blackberry. I'm so 2004.

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#21
In reply to #19

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 4:08 PM

We wanted to call them the LuvGuvs, but it turns out that was already used.

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#22
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Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 4:42 PM

Witty. You may not know protocol so I'll bring you up to speed. We keep the politics in the political posts. Play nice please.

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#23
In reply to #22

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 7:01 PM

If it's any consolation, we have the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup, the G20 conference, but then to bring us down to earth, we have the Pirates who can't decide whether to shoot for .300 ball or act as a farm club for the rest of the league.

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#24
In reply to #23

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

06/13/2009 7:08 PM

Yeah, I was talking about that the other day. What is up with the Pirates? You've basically got a good franchise (if unfortunately named) in hockey, a legendary franchise in football, and a sad baseball team. I actually was recently in Pittsburgh and thought it was a good looking city (I liked how all the bridges were painted steeler yellow, bold move Pittsburgh). The pirates make no sense. It has to be the owners, at least that's what I'm assuming. They should be run out of town.

How tough is it to be from Detroit right now? The best thing you've got going is eminem.

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#25

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

12/15/2009 4:56 PM

I hope this is not too late, Roger.....

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#26
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Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

12/15/2009 7:09 PM

It's never too late to raise awareness of penguins cutting brake lines.

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#27
In reply to #26

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

12/16/2009 12:19 AM

Damn, is that quick for a thread that's been quiet 6 months ! I am now resolved to keep my eye out for further news of penguin insurgency . PETA might scream, but these critters are very sneaky in how they gain a foothold !

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#28
In reply to #27

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

12/16/2009 9:12 AM

Santa Claus?? Is there no end to their hypocrisy?

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#29

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

01/05/2010 9:10 AM

Roger-

Until today, I suspected that your concern over the "Penguin Threat" was a bit over the top. Then, I came across this:

http://www.ladyada.net/make/bedazzler/index.html

It would seem, based on their logo, that this may be just the tip of the iceberg...

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#30
In reply to #29

Re: A Threat We Can't Ignore: Penguins

01/05/2010 9:41 AM

Ah, 1 million dollars at work. Awesome.

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