One Spork Multitool To Rule Them All

If it's anywhere as sturdy as my titanium spork, then I need to make a purchase asap.

There is probably a version of Victorinox "Swiss Army Knife" that does this already. Or maybe a "Leatherman." The pictured item looks considerably less versatile, though it might cater to another set of demands (combo shoehorn, beer can opener, and rappelling brake?) See also "Vegematic", "Ronco", or "Popeil" for other multitools. Watch late-night TV for further examples.... A New Yorker cartoon of a French Army Knife consisted of about 8 corkscrews.

One of the earliest multi-tools was the U.S. Army WWII bayonet. It was used for many different tasks; opening a can, using it as an eating utinsil and killing an enemy. That along with his helmet, canteen and rifle was all he needed.

There was a recent CR4 thread/video on a Chinese version of an entrenching tool. Slice, dice, dig, chop, mince, open cans, pound, climb, etc. They didn't show slapping the enemy's face or other bludgeoning, or burying spoor, but those could work too.