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Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 8:42 AM

A Manager, a Mechanical Engineer and a Controls Engineer are going off to a new site in a car. The car gets to the top of a slope, and as it drops down the slope it becomes apparent that the brakes have failed. They negotiate the bend at the bottom - just - on two wheels and a door-handle and rattle to a halt in a hedge, shaken, though not stirred.

The Manager is the first to speak. "Well, I'm going to call a meeting, get everyone round the table, and run a cause-and-effect session to analyse what happened and see if we can prevent a recurrence."

"Fine", says the Mechanical Engineer, grabbing the toolbox out of the boot/trunk. "While you're doing that I'm going to fix the brakes."

The Controls Engineer speaks last. "Well, I think we ought to push it back up the hill and have another go!"

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#1

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 9:30 AM

That was a funny and unexpected outcome ! Great !

Someone should (or perhaps may I say must?) create a section, a blog or whatever you call it, here on CR4 devoted to humor threads !! Why not you ?

I warranty hundreds of comments per thread.

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#2

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 11:09 AM

You know you're an engineer when

The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
You really know what http:// stands for.
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium.
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck admiring the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

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#3
In reply to #2

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 12:51 PM

I'm not sure whether to be proud or ashamed, I hit 15 out of 21.

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#12
In reply to #3

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 5:34 PM

12/21 here...

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#36
In reply to #12

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:33 AM

Ohhhhohhhh, I'm in deep DO DO.......21 outta 21 here!

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#5
In reply to #2

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 1:10 PM

Just wanted to add, it may be your husband that has no idea what you do at work. There are a growing number of women engineers.

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#6
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 3:01 PM

Absolutely correct. I certainly didn't mean to sleight either gender. How about a few more, with a gender-neutral theme?

You know you're an engineer when...

You can figure inverse functions in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $40 restaurant bill... and think that spending $40 for dinner is ridiculous.

You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.

You've modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.

You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

You've described your spouse in terms of MTBF.

You can name six Star Trek episodes.

Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.

You automatically associate the words "sexy" and "butterfly valve".

Your ideal evening consists of fast forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.

You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.

You know which direction the water swirls when you flush.

You've taken the back off your cell phone just to see what's inside.

A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.

You think the concoction ET used to phone home is stupid.

You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains.

You burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

You think that when people around you yawn it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

Your three-year-old nephew asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

You have no life... and you can PROVE it mathematically.

You've explained your position in the company to a junior engineer as "I am a vast oasis of knowledge in a desert of ignorance".

You lost your wedding ring for six months and found it in a box of brass tubing fittings in your desk.

Your work clothes are almost as old as you are... and so is your car.

You think of the Carnot cycle every time you turn on your AC unit.

When you look at objects in the distance and think of mean free path.

You explain surface tension to a 10 year old boy when he asks why you are adding oil to boiling spaghetti noodles.

You have thought about how coffee changes color in the body.

You try to explain entropy to strangers during casual dinner conversation.

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#9
In reply to #6

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 3:52 PM

And you know you're an IT engineer when you want to fix ALL PC issues by formatting the hard drive.

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#15
In reply to #9

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 11:07 PM

Slash and burn, Been there done it! Best fix...

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#14
In reply to #6

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 10:54 PM

You see a statement like...

'Your three-year-old nephew asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.'

...and you feel compelled to correct it since the sky is blue due to scattering, not absorption.

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#28
In reply to #14

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:58 AM

and you are an engineer when you start a research, because you have two different opinions and found out both are correct. And you are happy therfore.

During dusk and dawn the blue comes from absorbtion, during normal day time it's from scatterring.

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#25
In reply to #6

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:26 AM

You spend the majority of a one hour flight explaining to the flying-phobic stranger next to you just why the plane will stay up in the air.

When you spot oil streaming out of the starboard engine, you call the trolley dolly over with the words "I don't think it's too serious, but you might want to tell the captain..."

You solve all problems by using flow chart and considering all prossible outcomes - and can't comprehend why this is regarded as odd...

You enjoy reading legislation documents

You admire those who put together coherent legislative frameworks

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#68
In reply to #25

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/22/2011 8:07 AM

You enjoy reading legislation documents

You admire those who put together coherent legislative frameworks

Ah, thanks, something for us in requirements!

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#17
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 1:52 AM

May be that's why we have more problems in engineering offices/sites.

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#20
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 3:12 AM

And most of them are gorgeous ! (At least at the GE R&D center at Schenectady, NY)

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#38
In reply to #20

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:40 AM

hey I know where the General Electric R&D Center is! Located on Balltown Road in Niskayuna NY, right around the corner from KAPL! I grew up about 6 miles away from these facilities in Burnt Hills!!!! I've done a lot of facilities engineering work there over the years.....

Kvsridhar, did you work there at the R&D???? Let me guess....you were either a RPI or Union College Engineering student or Grad?

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#41
In reply to #38

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:50 AM

Oh no... i headed the Indian R&D center at Bangalore, just had the privilege of visiting that awesome facility in 2000, just before i retired. While i visited the USA several times (Milwaukee/Pittsburgh courtesy Eaton/Cutler-Hammer and Plainville, Niskayuna courtesy GE, i never lived there, hope to visit my son who lives near Washington, early next year )....

i envy your experience in so many fields....remember, i may need your advice on my next computer !!

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#23
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:14 AM

Welcome to the gang! There was a "where are the female CR4ers" recently and it seemed I was the only female engineer around here (the others are staff...and we have no idea what they do, eh sue?). It's good to welcome another {{{LakeGrl}}}

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#33
In reply to #23

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:02 AM

A swing & a miss

http://cr4.globalspec.com/member/37919/LakeGrl

appears to be staff, being close to the home office

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#51
In reply to #33

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:08 AM

Thanks G.

My knowledge of US geography is not that detailed, so I wouldn't have picked it up. Mind you, I did wonder when LakeGrl's other posting said she didn't know how to fix something simple on her car....

As you were, men. Seems I'm the only girl out of the closet in the CR4wl.....

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#58
In reply to #51

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/19/2011 7:21 AM

Why would it make a difference whether lakegirl is staff or not?

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#59
In reply to #58

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/19/2011 7:49 AM

the difference between

Talking the talk

&

Walking the walk

the difference between

management/HR

&

people who actually do productive things

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#60
In reply to #59

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/19/2011 8:13 AM

You ain't right.

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#61
In reply to #60

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/19/2011 8:20 AM

duh

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#24
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:20 AM

Well said.

A recent invitation a colleague received to an institution dinner set-out the dress code for the event. It didn't mention the dress code for women Engineers and their husbands. How rude!

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#42
In reply to #5

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 11:03 AM

Good point! I have to say that my husband and I (both engineers, but different fields) mutually have no idea what the other does at work

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#52
In reply to #42

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:13 AM

Woohoo! A genuine fellow female engineer.

Funny thing was, when I read that post, before anyone else commented, I thought it not worth commenting on, since the point was that any close relation doesn't understand what we do...

That's not true for me, since I make an effort to explain what I do in layman's (deliberate) terms to my mother.

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#7
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 3:06 PM

"You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts."

There is no such thing as a "short-sleeve dress shirt".

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#26
In reply to #7

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:31 AM

I wondered about that, but thought it must be an American thang...

9/21

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#43
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 11:05 AM

It is an American thing, but only worn by engineers with pocket protectors!

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#44
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 11:17 AM

I think in the late 50's and early 60's the guys who wore short sleeve white dress shirts were the rebels of the American engineering crowd. (Everyone else wore long sleeve white dress shirts.)

These two guys probably hated eachother :

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#53
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:18 AM

Those are work shirts....dress shirts have frilly fronts, pearl buttons and need cufflinks. That last makes short sleeved dress shirts an oxymoron.

That might be a European thang.....

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#54
In reply to #44

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:18 PM

On the weekends those guys wore the same shirts with plaid shorts.

Their modern equivalent:

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#55
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:29 PM

I once worked for top-notch A&E firm where normal attire was shirt/tie/suit. We had casual Fridays, but not that casual. Alas, a decline in design/construction after 9/11 resulted in the closure of the branch where I worked. The principals took salary cuts before anyone else, and before the regretful branch closure, but the economic forces were just too much.

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#56
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 6:44 PM

That sucks. A lot of places have become pretty darned casual, especially with the computer/software geeks.

I've got one suit. I wear it to weddings, funerals, and any other time my wife tells me I have to dress up.

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#45
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 12:45 PM

Nothing says "nerd" better than a short sleeve shirt with a tie.

But then I spent the last 15 years of my "engineering" career as a manager/director, so I didn't actually do any work.

The only time I got anything on my shirt was when I put my elbow in a wet spot on the bar.

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#16
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 11:25 PM

I fail - 5 for me. I could get 6 but I'd have to massage the data.

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#21
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 3:25 AM

You should try running your tagline through a spelling checker; there are (still) three errors in it. Unfortunately, few if any computer spelling checkers can find them; it takes a literate person, not a robot.

--Editor Crankshaft

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#31
In reply to #21

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 9:19 AM

"Yeah"... BUT... who has an *Original* copy (1872 Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There), to see how he (Carroll) had spelt it...?

Google provides quite the variations online. Check-out the differences between THIS one and the Wiki version...(under "Origin and publication")...

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#57
In reply to #21

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/18/2011 7:11 PM

I have run it through a few spell checkers over the years. My challenge isn't for any one to find 'errors'. It's more a case of poke this and see what happens. Some spell checkers have offered some interesting variations.

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#4

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 12:54 PM

You forgot the MCSE who wanted to turn off the car, get out, get back in, restart it, and see if that fixed the problem.

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#8
In reply to #4

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 3:49 PM

You forgot to close the windows, then get out....

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#11
In reply to #8

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 5:18 PM

Getting older isn't for the faint of heart!

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#10

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 5:13 PM

Actually, the Controls Engineer would more likely say, "Leave it right here and don't touch anything! I'll be back in a minute with my laptop!"

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#39
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:47 AM
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#13

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/15/2011 9:03 PM

Here is another one

You Might Be An Engineer If...



1.You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.



2.You enjoy pain.



3. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.



4.You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force"



5.You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.



6. It is sunny and 26 degrees C outside, and you are working on a computer.



7. You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver".



8.You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water



9. You think in "math".



10.You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges



11. You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.



12. You have a pet named after a scientist.



13.You laugh at jokes about mathematicians



14.The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.



15.You can translate English into Binary.



16. You can't remember what's behind the door in the engineering building which says "Exit".



17.You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.



18. You are completely addicted to caffeine.



19. You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.



20. You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy".



21.When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe



22. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.



23. You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.



24. The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it



25. You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading.



26.The salesperson at TEKNOSA can't answer any of your questions.



27. You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.



28. You're in line for the guillotine... it stops working properly... and you offer to fix it.



29. You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.



30. You have any "Dilbert" comics displayed in your work area.



31. You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.



32. You have never backed up your hard drive.



33. You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.



34.You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.



35. You would rather get more dots per inch than kilometers per liter.



36.You've ever calculated how much you make per second.



37.Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.



38.You understood more than five of these jokes.



39.You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page !)

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#18
In reply to #13

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 2:21 AM

you took the "engineer" jokes to extreme

thumb up

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#27
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 4:44 AM

12. You have a pet soft toy named after a scientist.

I have two: Nusselt and Prantl, and a male friend whose teddy bear was called Bernoulli.

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#29
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 5:28 AM
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#47
In reply to #27

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 12:50 PM

Great ! Still play with the three?

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#19

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 2:29 AM

Only an engineer or other tek person findz this funny:

A digital caliper that displays in random denominator fractions.

http://www.nooalf.com/STaMeTKaLIPR.jpg

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#22
In reply to #19

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 3:42 AM

I suppose a tech geek would have to ask how this device chooses the denominator to use. This idea isn't necessarily all bad; I used to have a Casio scientific calculator with the ability to compute fractions.

I see that "nooalf" is continually devolving into ever crazier and more inconsistent forms. Does Cracker Jack® offer a decoder ring yet? And how often do they have to update it?

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#30
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 7:25 AM

This would mean, then, that you aren't laughing, wouldn't it?

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#35
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:25 AM

I have not been so insulted in.... the last 3 minutes!

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#46
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 12:47 PM

Don't worry. Your web does a fine job for you.

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#48
In reply to #19

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 12:57 PM

Sorry pal, I only read Svenska in adult entertainment magazines.

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#32

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 9:57 AM

You start a thread on "Engineering Humor", and everyone has a good time joining in - to bash themselves!

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#34

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:14 AM

And why do Software Engineers always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

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#37
In reply to #34

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:35 AM

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary and those who don't.

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#40
In reply to #34

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/16/2011 10:48 AM

Very clever, that one!

Keep 'em coming!

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#63
In reply to #34

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/21/2011 9:15 AM

Please do tell me, I R not Unnerstan Yr joke

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#64
In reply to #63

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/21/2011 10:08 AM

Being an international forum, I can understand that.

DEC 25 can be interpreted as "December 25 (Christmas)" or "decimal value 25"

OCT 31 can be interpreted as "October 31 (Halloween)" or "octal value 31"

Mathematically (or to a programmer), 31 octal is = 3 * 8 + 1 = 25 decimal

so Halloween is the same as Christmas.

Q.E.D.

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#65
In reply to #64

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/21/2011 1:25 PM

Well, I got it first time. But I guess that's because I speak both English AND Enginerd. And I like Math.

Bring 'em on. That was a good one.

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#66
In reply to #65

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/21/2011 2:26 PM

Got it the first time too, the rest of your sentence doesn't apply to me.

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#72
In reply to #65

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

02/21/2012 4:15 AM

Yup, that about sums it up!

Definite keeper that one.

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#69
In reply to #34

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/22/2011 8:18 AM

when you can post one like that and it isn't a puzzle

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#49

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/17/2011 12:20 AM

You know there's an engineer in the house when:

There's a pair of vice grips in the cutlery draw.

There are welding gloves hanging on the kitchen towel rail.

Paint brushes and machine parts are drying in the dish rack.

The bathrooms feature 1/4 turn gate valves.

The house runs off a UPS

The house has a PABX

The forge is used as a BBQ

The workshop is where guests are entertained.

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#70
In reply to #49

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/22/2011 8:19 AM

7/8

couldn't find a UPS that big

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#50

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/17/2011 3:15 PM

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?........ King Arthur: I'm not interested!......... Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: It could be carried by an African swallow............. King Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?............. 1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Oh yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point..................... Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: But then the African swallow's not migratory...

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#62

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/19/2011 5:02 PM

Going into the control room one day, I find a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer arguing about their interpretation of a screen of trends. I walk up behind them and check out what they were looking at. I said,

"The pressure fluctuations on the ... is following the temperature fluctuations of ... (sorry, secret)."

They ask, "which trend is that?"

I say, "the blue one."

Both their heads move closer to the screen. Then, they ask, "what blue trend?"

"This one," I said.

"That's purple." They give me a curious look.

Hey, I'm color blind. I didn't choose the colors on those trends.

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#67

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/22/2011 3:00 AM

A retired electrical engineer while driving his diesel driven van suddenly had failed lights. He used the "Megger" to test fuses and couldn't trace the fault. He managed to drive home without lights although at several points along the road police questioned him. Following morning he took the van to a mechanic who said "there is no acid in the battery". Another electrical engineer while preparing a price quotation for laying 8 cables in parallel in trench multiplied the total length of the cable given in BOQ by 8 and got a very high price for the job and quotation rejected.

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#71

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

12/22/2011 8:43 AM

Humor that ranges throughout science and reminds me of being a student - XKCD

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#73
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Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

02/21/2012 4:19 AM

Love that comic strip!

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#74

Re: Engineering Humour/Humor

02/21/2012 9:39 PM
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