Dear Sparkstation,

Regarding your previous correspondence. You will have no doubt observed the 'Warranty void if broken' seal on your KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic'. Information sent by the embedded chip leads us to conclude that you have not only broken said seal, but attempted to reset the device to antipodean time. This is confirmed by the timing or responces to CR4. Please be advised that we accept no responsibility for the effect upon your neighbours drop-bears. The anti-gravitational gyroscope is precision engineered for GMT only. Your Graphics will be held in a secret location, as security against further misuse of the KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic'. Your associates in Nigeria have also been reckless with their Answermatic, although that serves them right for the cheque which bounced like a proverbial 'rubber-Gregory'. Our earnest advice is that you immediately don a hard-hat and begin reassembling your Answermatic.

Kindest Regards,

Customer Service.

Dear Kris

I received your reply, thank you for your promptness.

I took your advice and opened the safety warning package, which came as part of the package.

There appears to be some confusion, because of the number of warning signs included, which sprang out of that package the moment I opened it, along with the printed Advice Sheet which states that "All Signs Must Be Used While The 'KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic' Is In Use".

I have concluded that your unit is a reverse sort of Pandora's Box, and am now wondering if you have misappropriated technology which was patented long ago by Zeus and others of his ilk.

Yesterday I received in the post, a Report re your product, and in view of the advice therein, I have torn off the lower part of that report, because of the description about your product, and the language used was certainly not intended for the fairer sex, nor those of tender years, also unsuitable for the gentle readers of the CR4 Forum..

I had omitted to open that Safety Warning Package earlier, because I had been assured in the Sales Brochure that the 'KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic' was completely safe, and I am now deeply concerned that the unit might not be as safe as the original sales information indicated, particularly if such old and unproven technology has been only partially understood by yourselves.

The other package I opened, labelled "For Emergency Use Only" contained the sign at left, and perhaps your packing department made an error including that sign, which would be more appropriately for your own personal use.

I trust that the 'KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic' does not contain any standby battery system, which may enable it to continue its nefarious work whilst in transit to your store.

The unopened 'KrisDel^TM 'Answermatic' has been sent back for full credit, you can see the factory Warranty Seals have not been interfered with at all, as it is still under the 28 day trial period, and in view of the troubles it has caused, perhaps you would consider a full refund.

Kind Regards....

SparkY

WARNING!

SparkY & Del - on examination of the #4, #5 & #6 ratings, you are both in serious danger of overstressing the credit flux.

Disconnect all your devices from all power sources immediately. Ensure all condensers greater than 1nF are equipped with bleeders giving discharge to less than 0.01% of working potential within 1us. If not already in place, fit shorting turns around all coils, ensuring full flux linkage. Replace all overcurrent devices with physically similar parts with at least 10 times their present current rating. Disconnect all protective earths. Remove all batteries/disconnect mains power from all smoke alarms.

Reconnect your power sources.

CR4_® considers itself to be at risk, and will not tolerate any activities which may cause lasting damage.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE: you may be permanently discontinued.

The Overlord.

Damage is already being noticed. Previous message should have indicated overflux in #5, #6 and #7.

DO NOT ALTER POST #4. DO NOT RATE IT POSITIVELY OR ALLOW IT TO ACCUMULATE ANY RATING POINTS.

The Overlord.

_{I'm frightened now... I want mummy cat}

Hello Del the cat

Here she is.

Kind Regards....

_{Don't panic - no hope was packed in the boxes, so the Overlord can't get any either.}

Here she comes :-)))

Ah yes the 'AnswerSafe' is 'work in progress' as we speak...
Advanced orders being accepted, for a deposit of sardines, nuts or unwanted gentlemen's recreational. magazines

Del (Tech' Director KrisDel corporation)

I think it's somewhere around twenty times the webnazi wil let you express your freedom to vote. Then you are summarily shut off from voting. Try it and let me know please.

Right - like I'LL ever remember to keep track! I know I've been handing 'em out like candy at Halloween on this thread though!

Oh you can do it...You're young, dynamic and clearly intelligent. Go on...exhaust your supply of "Good" votes and see just how many you can sprinkle throughout this distinguished forum.

I suggest adding a point to each participant who is only one point away from a thumbs up rating. That way you'd be doing something kind and generous which befits your intrinsic nature. Or you can deduct a point from someone and suffer the wrath of Del the Cat, LOL.

Yeah, but I know from past experience that you can't give but one per post, and I've already done that for almost everything here...

OBTW, you are spot on about the young, dynamic, etc. etc.

taejonkwando: You have a smooth way with words - and are undoubtedly fair of face - but something in this unnerves me.

IF YOUR ARE IN ANY WAY RELATED TO SparkY, Del or any of their legion of foul conspirators, your lot may be theirs - Discontinuance!

The Overlord

Yeh can't you see taejonkwando is an anagram of sparjky dwel and Krits...

Slaps furry head with paw.

Pray come clean and identimify yourself Voldrero

Ohhhh you do make me laugh..Thanks for the chuckle.

Holy crap DEL.....I almost p*ssed myself!!!!!!!!

I looked like an idiot cracking up all alone in my office....

Thanks....

"I looked like an idiot cracking up all alone in my office"

Ummm...not that it's any of my affair, mind you, but I can't help wondering...to WHOM?!?

An inflatable co-worker perhaps?

Of course - how silly of me - Otto the Pilot!

No, that can't be, because poor Otto, he disintegrated after years in Jerry Zucker's Garage.

Workers on the production floor looking through the window....(_{no inflatable}...)

And they'd have noticed a difference because...

Im usually grumpy.....I was laughing....

This should help...

Hail Great Overlord. No we are not related by blood but perhaps they may join me in the desire to demolish this stupid popularity contest, this inane "grading" of answers because we believe all answers to be good and noble, offered with sincerity to the best of one's ability.

It is up to the recipient to evaluate answers to his or her query and select the one that seems most informative. Seriously, CR4 risks losing its identity as an open forum and instead, becoming a popularity contest to see who can garner the most "good" (or perhaps "bad") votes.

Just gave me a thought - turn this into a thread where everyone can come to get some "good" (only 1 comment each!).

We can all get it off our chests !

On this basis, I've gone round bumping everyone I could find up.

Should cetainly piss off the overlord!

OK, it's a fair cop! To explain, one of the guys on the team has gone round during the night mopping up all those GAs that were being so liberally scattered.

Quite rightly, IMHO & on reflection. It was making a mockery of the rating scheme.

Sorry, everyone .

John

... they seem to have come back! (I'll swear there were none there at 8:30 GMT today!)

Was that before your morning cuppa then?

"Was that before your morning cuppa then?"

No .. modal sequence is BBC Radio 4 weather then news at 7 - ablutions & dress - cuppa to take up to office for first check of e-mails (attention to urgent matters + junk elimination), then CR4.

Timing & events vary depending on happenings previous night, presence of Small, general feeling of well-being, necessity to travel to far-off romantic places (Sellafield etc.) and so on.

Why Sellafield and not Basildon? <Splutter>

I don't know Basildon - does it have radioactive beaches?

Not likely, no beaches to be had of any sort. But they do have Wat Tyler County Park...will that do for now? (Little is known of Wat Tyler with the exception of his fame as the leader of the English Peasant's Revolt of 1381.)

Doesn't sound very romantic - and it's not that far from Reading - so I'll probably avoid the tempation.

I dunno, it IS Wat Tyler, after all...what could be more romantically tempting than a good peasant's rebellion? It just doesn't get much better than that, does it? Well, OK, maybe glow-in-the-dark beaches, but hey...

Always like to come back from a jaunt with a nice, healthy glow.

enc.: sunset snap from photo album of last hols -

Another day over, tired but happy.

The locals reckon this is a good way of dealing with revolting peasants.

"The locals reckon this is a good way of dealing with revolting peasants."

So did this guy - he wasn't one of the locals though...

"Sire, the peasants are revolting!" "I'll say they are..."

JohnDG: you and your kindred play like infants.

Abandon hope - there is none.

See how I can take from you that which you so dearly hold!

THE TIME APPROACHES!

The Overlord.

You deluded fool...

It is the job of Engineers to maintain the sense of fun, curiosity and adventure of infants!... That's where our creativity comes from.
When the TIME comes we will all escape with the KrisDel^TM Escapepod deluxe time travel capsule. (Which we marketed in ten years time)

<Exit monitor left...caterwauling wildly into the night>

Don't know what's going on here. There were at least 20 comments with ≥2 GAs last night - down to 12 this morning! Maybe it wasn't the "team".

To whoever's doing it - there's and old expression which fits here:

" - if you don't want the Goods - don't muck 'em about!".

You're right! I've gone from a whopping 6 GA's down to a sultry 3! Most disturbing for a Saturday morning feel good factor. I think somebody is batting for the other team!

Oh, so that was YOU bumping me up...I wondered what that was! Thanks awfully...

Well done, oh noble John DG. You have brought joy and hope to those who have been mistreated and misesteemed by miserly misfeasing ministers of malcontent.

We must persevere and rail against these minions of misery until they merge once again into the misty murky depths of morbidity and menace.

Continue to thwart these thrasonical threateners and recive the ardent thankfulness of those whose joy has been thwarted by theives of the good answers theme.

Ummm...that new thesaurus of yours...just how far are you from La Brea, California? I ask because that's where the tar pits are with all of those fossilized animals, and I'm thinking that thesaurus could maybe join the allosaurus in extinction? Just wondering...

DIDDO 10 FOLD!!!

Now that's just showing off. <Cough>

your dream booking agent.

Aha! Another potential enterprise for KrisDel^TM Virtual products.. I shall get the flying monkeys working on the Dream-o-tron right away... fly my beauties....fly
(I'm sure youll settle for a small royalty TK?)

Del

An entitlement for services would certainly be appreciated. However we must always confer the title of "entitlement" on any gratuities because the other term for obtaining clients is "solicitation" may have some rather negative connotations LOL. TK

That was sneaky ! I know you're not keen on the Corgi's Del, but they do a terrific job of cleaning up Pizza crusts......... We've had a little chat, and they promise to behave. No more yapping when you run for the cat-flap, and they also agree to stop using your litter tray. In return, they request you desist from prowling along the back of the sofa - your elevated view point is adding to their short-dog syndrome. We still have that returned Edward to find a home for, and the postage stamps wouldn't fall off it's head either. If the Corgis don't keep to their word, you can call Parcelforce and we'll never see them again. Edward's happy because I told him he was going to an opening.

You old smoothie!

Wonder if this thread now has a record GA density? (38 comments, 16 posters, 11 Green Thumbs, as I write this).

Hello Kris

Now we know what you really look like

Kind Regards....