Self-Coaching: Take Control and Take Charge

Ten minutes is very good as a time for either delay to no, or delay to yes.

Overall it is very important to be able to make a decision.

You will never make the right decision about every thing all the time.

Of course if you are still alive, and do not have a fatal disease that is the result of a bad decision, how are you to really know?

When I worked for a particular company they would sometimes call and ask me to come into work when I had had very little sleep.

Groggy I had several times answered the phone and just said yes, I'll be there in 45 minutes.

Do not commit to doing things when you are not awake eventually became a rule for me.

I did learn to say, "I'll call you back and give you a decision in ten minutes."

As a bottom line, I guess what I am saying is that it takes ten minutes to wake up, remember what you are most pledged to do, and make a rational decision.

I like the old saying that wisdom is the ability to learn from another's mistakes. I make too many of my own already. It took an old boss many years ago to convince me that when I made a mistake that I needed to admit it, learn from it and move on. That is some of the most valued advice I've ever received.

I frequently take a walk to mull over problems in a design. I can get away from the phone and other distractions and on occasion I can take the walk with an associate and discuss the pros and cons of my options to come up with a better result.

Being forced into a decision or being overwhelmed by outside influences or lack of knowledge seems to always bite the proverbial derrier. I personally do well with deadlines but not as well under pressure. Another invaluable lesson, learn your limits and try to stay "between the lines" of them.

Bad decisions .... I made a real beaut last week while working on one of my projects. Cost me a trip to the emergency room, 6 stitches in my forehead, a week long headache and a bit of a blue funk. My wife was the catalyst that turned it all into lemonade as we talked about why I was in the frame of mind that made me careless and where to go from there.

A favorite talk show host that I listen to a lot loves to ask people who call in with their problems, "And what did you learn from all this?" And sure enough, that's what I was thinking as sat with the icepack on my forehead being consoled by my wife. Mistakes are great learning experiences providing you live through them.

Ed Weldon

"Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose"

- Bill Gates

I like the Japanese saying when you win a battle tighten your helmet.

Success is not an end but a mark on a ruler or gauge. Win or lose time moves on, expect it and make plans or at least know your options.

Brad

Self coaching,self motivation,self seeking ,retrospection of pastdeeds and timely modification of attitudes are attributes of self quality improvement for an aspiring perfectionist.Given some room for patience,a wider unbiased thinking,understanding others,consulting coherent colleagues will surely add to one's personality values.Dr.Doug had been so open to share this frank experience.Err to human's-but one must develope the discretion of right and wrongs and keep building a matured value faculty.An accepting and open receptive mind /attitude could be an added gift as it sounds to be.Mistakes are our true mentors-non accptance may make people over estimate themselves and behave aggressively to criticisms.

Man's mistake may be Heaven's correction.

It may also be that there is no such thing on earth as 'correct', and that the purpose of our existence is to become aware of this, so that by contrast, we become aware of why Heaven is so perfect. We are not just a body and mind. Emerson wrote of the Oversoul, which is also 'us' but may be the other agent acting in our lives.

I don't believe that God interferes, as that would remove our choice, which would go against his principles. I believe that God (or other divine title) realized that only the sum of all points of view on all things was sufficient, and therefore diversified his divinity into all lifeforms, to experience all points of view, and to return to Heaven with those. No one of us is God, but all of us are divine. We should all be respected, and have respect for others as divine.

Mistakes, Death, Error, and all earthly thought can not be perfect. We are here to learn. No one gets out alive, because we must all have the final lesson. When you get to the other side, and realize the magnitude of all the errors in thinking, especially by believing in the finality of death, do we then capture the lesson, and realize the stunning brilliance and beauty of Heaven.

So for myself, I give thanks for what 'goes right'. There is no experience in this world that does not require management and learning. If you think you have gotten away with simple 'success', then you are probably in denial, and a lesson is forthcoming.

Chris

Well said and I thank you for that.

doug

Thank you for your insight. sorry for your pain. GA

Chris

I had a stepson from a previous marrage, he was really off the wall.... and to try and prevent mastakes, I tried to get him to think before he acts by going thru these 4 steps, 1) What are you doing? 2) How are you going to do it? 3) What could go wrong? 4) How can you prevent it from going wrong? These are very basic and the starting point of coherent thought. And the kid turned out ok.

I on the other hand am regularly haunted by past mistakes and I sought counsel to deal with these ghosts, I was told to try and find something positive from the event when the memory returns, and to not let it crush me. So I have tried to enjoy the view on the way down and try and not think about the splat.

Sorry that you go through that from time to time. By the way that is excellent advice for your stepson. For what it is worth, one strategy that I offer my clients when they have ghosts in their memory that keep haunting them is to reposition the event(s) in a different light and keep them in perspective. In other words, what I find is people tend to draw vast, painful and severe conclusions about things - especially when they personalize it. Step outside yourself and look at it objectively so you can really see how bad, aweful or painful the event REALLY is. Maybe look at it relative to the the bigger picture of things around you.

Doug

Good advice Dr. thank you.

Ready, Fire, Aim

Taking a break is an excellent approach. Breaks increase productivity and imagination.

Immediatley, one must tag the alleged mistake as a learning experience.

"I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work"
Thomas Alva Edison

I make a list of reasonably accomplishable goals for the day. Then I do one less than that. Procrastination at the sticking point will allow you to 'sleep on it'. Deadlines are good, but if you get in a hurry, your previous work can be lost.

When I yelled "quittin' time', I expect to hear machines shut down, and tool belts hit the floor within 30 seconds. After that is just courting mistakes and injuries. Much better that the client/boss is pissed off than a costly mistake, or a trip to the hospital.