Spontaneous Human Combustion

IMSL !

(= Is My Self Laughing ). Just a sontaneuous reaction.

Nah, you're bluffing you meant IMML I made myself laugh... but you can't spel for tofee. .

Nice typo at work...

bloke sent out an E-mail saying the factory would be shut from...

except he spelled shut with the next letter on the keyboard..... the 'i'.

Now that made us laugh..

Love it ! " The factory will be sh*t until the New Year" ROFLMAO

As long as the factory sh*ts itself and not on you!

Could you get compensation if it does? That will be messy in the tribunal all those beeps.

Hi Kris,

Roald Dahl is really great, I have it on my highly recommended reading list,

can we start such a list here? would there be a continuous growth of readable titles?

RHABE

Hi RHABE,

There is a list of favourite music someplace on CR4, and I think books too (there's a real big Science Fiction following, not unsurprisingly). I see no harm in starting a new thread on the topic (this thread can probably run on it's owm title for a while yet), but maybe it should be science/engineering re-lated (? , Just my opinion). Why not go for it and launch such a thing.

Being 'Mr Off-Topic' myself I don't mind either way ! Dahl is great. Short stories by Saki (H.H. Munroe) are also great fun. He had a similar evil sense of humour. In order to keep some topicality, I've never read Fahrenheit 451.

As an alternative, you could check the second part of this sketch from Python; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFDgSKbapzY

or.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_soV0oFVoPA&feature=related

I found this after I correctly spelled the word in google search

Those are funny.

My Mother-in-Law used to work in an old folks home. One night a lady died and they had to get the body downstairs ( the building was several stories high). The body was rigid when they moved it, and due to the old nature of the building the only viable way was via the lift. Damn thing broke as they were coming down ! Oh the indignities that go on in some old people homes. If the full truth was known, few people would go into one voluntarily.

I just did a search. I think it's been wiped....

By Aliens..or MIB ?

Even worse! By CR4, whom we know are members of both the Illuminati and the Masons!!!

My pleasure. http://cr4.globalspec.com/blogentry/2405#newcomments

It's quite long, but has some great stuff in it. My humungously big bath thread is soooo much bigger. agghhh,,,hang on,,, me head just hit the roof ! Ignore vermin and Del - either of them getting points is a travesty of natural justice. <sulk>. I'm on their case though !

Who said anything about "natural?"

Hey, let's all get paranoid ! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilderberg_Group

OK. So from time to time a vermin comes in through the air duct and squirts a can of lighter fluid on the scene, but, I mean, let's get on with it!!!

When I first heard of this film, I thought it was something entirely diferent.

Really, anything Irwin Allen was responsible for was a real POS!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_Grove Look this up and then it will help your paranoia grow a little bit. I think of anything Bohemian and I think of Queen and that scene in Waynes world but this is the real deal here... Kris, I am still wondering about that UFO reference that you made in an earlier comment. Is it a thread that I can find here somewhere? We had a UFO sighting here on New Years Eve(?), well it was about 12 30 in the morning but a whole bunch of people around town saw some lights in the sky and one person recorded them with a video recorder, or phone or something like that. I tried to get the properties to post them but they wouldn't come up. Want to check them out? Go to Fox6.com and type in Strange Sighting or UFO mystery solved? in the search box. It is kind of interesting... (hint of the X Files theme going on in the back ground- fading slowly)...............

I'm gonna look this up Ferris, but meantime you've give me another chance to make my favourite link!

As far as I can find out, the UFO thread was wiped.

Terrible, terrible, terrible remember in the movie men in black when Tommy Lee Jones and WIll Smith are looking at the "make believe news rags" i.e. the star, national enquirer to find out the "real news"? That just killed me... No more threads on the good ol' UFOs, huh? Well, maybe one can get started again sooner or later. Thanks...

The Star and National Enquirer are both real newspapers... Unless you mean "make believe" in the sense that there stories are usually make believe.

So, like, why don't you start a UFO thread?

It does seem to be a while since we've had a UFO thread. I'd like to know about all the 'probing' that supposedly occurs. Lacking experience, I am unable to start such a thread. It does seem to be an American phenomena. We have what are known as 'Public Schools' where this is reported to happen, but I don't think it involves ET. I also lack experience in that area. There is no way I'll ever believe ET will come a zillion light years and look up somebodies arse ! A simple "Hello, we come in piece" or " Die Earthlings would surely make more sense.

I have seen quite a few programs that try to debunk the whole UFO mythology as being a cover up by the CIA or entity here in the U.S. to cover up skunk works programs for plane designs. Some of it made sense, how they were trying to deceive the Russians during the cold war in order to keep them unaware of the u2 spyplane program, then the sr71 program. Later, it showed the cover up of the f117a and the b2 both of them (when seen from the proper angle) fit in with the whole triangular lights in the sky thing. The "soundless hovering" is the throw off though. The Harrier makes a hellish sound as it hovers, helicopters make quite a bit as well. So, then what is it that allows soundless hovering? I saw a piece (on google? don't remember) that was a demonstration of how a guy applied some voltage to a transformer, gets a higher voltage, which is then routed to to a triangular frame which "levitates" off of the ground. Soundlessly, just floated there. It was cool indeed.

Any plane coming towards you..e.g on it's landing approach appears to be hovering...I live just down the road from London Stansted...trust me.

Yes, I have seen that on many occasions; especially the bigger planes. They look like they are just hanging there in the middle of the sky. It is a pretty cool optical illusion. Or is it an optical contusion? Every now and then a big C5a flies over, or I get a chance to see one of the few dc-10's still in service on final approach coming into our local airport.

I think the term that I was looking for when I wrote this was "Tabloid Magazine" and not newspapers. They aren't too far apart though, what with the made up, spin that "real" newspapers deliver to us on occasions.

That's the problem with the media. It is a business. The tabloid's sell a sh!t load of papers. So it is good business for the monopolized media to incorporate similar crap into 'journalistic' papers.

The problem is everybody believes so much that they are told.

Yes, but it the "big" media is so, hmmmmmmmm led by agendas (?), I think that would be a fair way to put it. Led by big $$$ and government input.

A government class I took at college taught by an old austin hippy was great for this discussion.

We were shown how all major towns/cities used to have a number of daily's. And now how they have one maybe two and how they are now owned by the same companies that own tv radio and film. There is a free press, we just don't own it!

hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa,bwa hahahaaa. So true indeed. I guess the idea of a free press is kind of old fashined. Everything is being spun this way or that way. Reading one partys agenda or the others. The rags here in town are only slnted towards the right. Nothing devoted to the left, or to the middle for that matter.

You have a slant right and we have slant left. Hmmmm I guess we could find the middle somewhere around Flagstaff, Arizona.

Yeah, most likely that would be the place to look for it, huh?

Ya think you have problems in USA ?

Hey Kris I clicked on the ? at the end of your comment (because it was underlined) and was treated toThe Pratts Bottom Web Site. Feisty Squirrel... Hiding stuff like that in msgs. I think I need to head on over to Pratts Bottom and check out that model railway show!

Yeah he hides his nuts.

LOL ! Just my way of having fun. Check out CR3's one ! I think somebody used that as an avatar pic a while back. Wow, does he have nuts .

Wait a mintue..... I need to clean off my monitor! I just spit out a mouthful of soda Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa

I can't wait to take the farm tour...

"Uh, now this would be dirt... Can everyone say 'dirt?' Over here we have something that is... is... Well, it certainly isn't dirt. Why are you all suddenly bursting into flames?!"

It's so strange what you can find on google ! http://blog.justanothersoldier.com/?p=28

_{It's so strange what you can find on google}

No shit.

I just cried laughing with some of the stuff google chucked up on that. Here is one of mine;

Doctor : Are you regular ?

Patient : Like clockwork. 7 every morning.

Doctor : Well what's the problem then ?

Patient : I don't wake up 'till 8.

Haahahahahahaha!

Now I've soiled my monitor!

Well, you're not supposed to put it in your pants!!!

Hmmmmm, there is nothing like walking on to a jobsite and going into one of the porta heads to drop a deuce only to find no TP, in any of the shitters on the site . There are plenty of men who have gone home missing at least one sock, I have also seen underwear tossed in to the terd receptacle....

They put new, no-water, touch-less urinals in at work. I stood in front of that damn thing for 10 minutes before figuring out what they meant. Heck! I thought "touch-less" meant that "it" was going to do all the work!

It's worth it though, just for some of the graffiti. A lad who worked for me once used to do excellent caricatures of people and pin them on the office wall. One day the biggest hairiest arsed foreman you ever saw strode in to see the portrait he'd heard about. I thought all hell was going to break loose, but luckily he saw the funny side ! The cartoonist got himself a thriving side line in doing pictures to order.

Having worked on countless large scale commercial projects I can say the shit boxes are always a point of...well....expression.

One squatter had time to query all with:

"How do you guys smoke in this hot bitch? I can barely eat my sandwich!"

I found that surprisingly witty.

LOL. I once saw a 'portaloo' get knocked over with a guy inside it. Wish I'd been near enough to hear the cussing he must have uttered. That must have been one bad mess. Kinda like.....

Yeah, sometimes the tagging (grafitti) in the porta heads is funny, other times it is nothing more than people venting their frustrations, rascist views, the desire not to have a non union company on the job (esp. if it is pretty much a job manned by union shops and one lil' ol' rinky dink non union shop comes into work. The chatter in the shitter goes up quite a bit) . Then, at times there are the people that barely make it in time in order dto get in let alone sit down and there is a big stinky mess blasted all over the top of the seat . Doesn't happen often but it (unfortunately) does happen...

There was one port-a-potty business owner that brought a doctor out to see his collection... Seems that each time a used unit came in, they hosed out the bottom that had a mesh screen to catch the odd stuff. This guy wanted to show the doctor this huge pile of undigested vitamin pills he'd collected over the years!

This guy wanted to show the doctor this huge pile of undigested vitamin pills he'd collected over the years!

Hey..we all need a hobby ...but...yeuch.

Well what do you expect from a guy that makes a living with Porta-Pottys!!! I tell you, I don't trust undertakers any further than I can throw them... That's too weird!!! If I was a kid and found out my dad was an undertaker, I'd immediately sue for emancipation!!!

You might end up with internation - " Drop that shovel Sue !".

You should see the stuff that they find at waste water plants. All kinds of stuff gets flushed down the tube- condoms, more condoms, trash, can't remember everything that they told me but these guys at this plant had a "wall of honor" for the things that they would find. Tell you what, the second stage of the process was such an "aromatic" thing to behold...

Knowing that somewhere someone might be evaluating debris that I put into the system for consideration on a 'wall of fame' makes me want to do very, very bad things.

I wonder if that will fit......hmmmmmm.

hahahahahahahaaaaaaa. I heard that more and more American men are having problems producing sperm because of the hormones that are taken by women (think birth control) that can not be taken out of the water by the different processes that are used. Something to think about...

Just in back of my junior high school was a state-of-the-art waste water treatment plant that vented to the bay through a rather small inlet. Just below the high tide mark there was a small, dead bush. I have no idea how it first got there.

Anyway, we called it the Christmas tree, because each time the tide came in and then went out again, the bush would be draped with a colorful collection of condoms! With each high tide, the colors and arrangement would change. Eventually we got used to asking each other "How's the Christmas tree today?"

What a spectacle to behold I am sure. All the things in life that I have missed... A Christmas "condom" tree is right up there.... heheheeeee

I'm sure someone with a high enough degree in mathematics could deduce how many people were having protected sex the night before.

Well, yes and no. The deduction would only be towards the people that practiced "safe sex." It couldn't be a representation of everyone that had been having sex. What about those guys that use the females' belly button? Can't count that one...

Wha... Who?

Ummmmmm, I am not telling. My apprentice told me that his first "sex talk", you know the converstion that is supposed to come from your dad if you are a boy and your mom if you are a girl?, came from his mom and her comment was something to the effect that the pull out method doesn't work... He told me this and how uncomfortable it made him coming from her (his dad was "oldfashioned" and not willing to talk) like this. I laughed my A$* off when he told me. I can't imagine hearing this from my mum...

You should see some of the **** that get's sold as Newspaper in the UK. The Brit press has got to be one of the worst in the world. It's no wonder that in more austere times people would use it for toilet paper.

So you didn't read my #95 ! Ingrate !!

Oh thanks, I just saw it today... Rainy day, job was closed down, two hours show up pay=more time to get online and look around. It looks like the thread came to an end last July. But thanks anyway

It comes to an end when yo quit posting to it!

I thought I had unsubbed to it but apparently not!

Hey this is a great chance for someone to be devious and reactivate it ! Say, Ferris, did ya catch that clip of the guy on an aicraft carrier getting sucked into a jet engine ? Bloody amazing - he survived ! Woof , that must have been a bad day out.