Guruship

Yeah! They live in dreams...in dreams I tell you.....in dreams!

(EnviroMan you're gettin some miles out of that image)

cr3

Oh, you know the legend of the unicorn, don't you? Figured he needed some taming down for a spell.

See my reply to that post for a different horse...or scroll down...

Valuable lesson to pass on to grasshopper:

Wise man never play leap frog with unicorn!

RIGHT! Whether you're over or under, you'll suffer...

Well - I guess that's a horse of a different color, then.

RIGHT! Now back into the getteaux with you...

If medals are ever awarded for off-topic posting, there are surely a large number of them required...

How about the "Crystal Clear Star of Thanks For Being Honest"?

Ive got to be a contender if it ever happens. Apart from always veering OT, I get a perverse kick from the Edit box thanking me. I sometimes even do my On-Topics as Off Topic, such is my delight in it.

Here's one of your very own, then - no one else may touch it w/o your permission...

Hear Ye, be it known then by all here present, that the former skwirrel known as Kris has sole posession and ownership of this rotating crystal star here exhibited, and none may disturb it upon pain of pain. Should there ever be an award, medal, citation, or other formal recognition presented for off-topic post generation excellence (should such term be determined to apply) either by way of quality (as if) or quantity (highly likely) which supplants this temporary recognition, this prior award should be considered for appending to it as a previously determined meritorious superfluous posting recognition. So it is written, so it shall be.

(Affix Seal Here)

Signed - EnviroMan

Dated - 21 January 2008

I..I .. feel myself coming over all Halle Berry ! The tears are welling up.... I'd like to thank my Producer, Director, <sob>,Wonderful fellow Actors, the film crew, best boy, gaffer, caterers, my agent, <sob> , family, friends, styalist, <sob>, wardrobe, all the people I've forgotten, but most of all EnviroMan without whom none of this would have been possible. This award will be treasured. I'm so happy...

Hey I thought there was going to be a link!

I could do a Richard Attenborough 'Darlings, Luvvies....' type thing, but I haven't heard a technical prank today.

How bout the one where we used to take a blowtorch to a nickel, place it on the floor and point it out to an unsuspecting... you know the drill. Got lots of folks with that one.

In keeping with the heat theme, how about a teaspoon fashioned from Wood's metal ? It would supposedly melt in a nice hot cuppa (although the boss may not be amused at the poisoning aspect).

Wait, let me get the manure shovel. It's getting a bit thick in here.

Nooooo. We'll either get Roses or Mushrooms if you leave it.

It depends on whether the horses have been on antibiotics.

by the way have you been to bed yet?

Are you coming on to me ? No, and No I won't let you dishonour me ! The Kris sleepeth not.

Not without your nurse administering the chlorpromazine first!

Stuff that, they'd have to certify me dead first.

(Our off-spring are coming along nicely btw)

Both with any luck at all...

That might be good with Valentines day coming up. Flowers and food will work wonders. The Indian Vultures can feast on antibioticated* dead Cow.

*Patent applied for on this new word.

Feast indeed! Can you patent a word? I'd think © would be more appropriate...

No, antibiotication is my ingenious method for introducing medication (deadly or otherwise) to animals. Oh OK, I know zoo's etc do that stuff already. Ya caught me out. It's a liitle bit beside the point since posting on CR4 gives them rights over anything.. If I ever post a really good money making idea here, Chris Leonard and the others will be enjoying the hi-life whilst I throw myself from a cliff in angst. Luckily I have not yet blabbed about my anti-gravity device, or perpetual motion machine etc.

Right! No discussions in public of your anti-gravity device or perpetual motion machine. How about the time machine; is that fair game?

Say, there in Etherville, are your gardens marauded by Ether bunnies? They might be a viable commercial target for some of that antibiotication treatment...

Why won't you guys let this one die?!?!!?! Argghhh! Remember the Bath!

Let the Bunny die ! I'm gonna tell the Bunny Rights Association about you Charley.

Doctor: So what's wrong with you Mr Rabbit ?

Mr Rabbit :Mixin' me toasties.

Yet another fine example of humans meddlin' in the affairs of nature. I found the French bacteriologist's supposition that "poachers had taken rabbits from his estate" to be particularly disingenuous. Unless he had one of those electric invisible fences set up, and shock collars on each of his estate's bunnies, the bunny hop would get them 50 Km away quite readily. What a mutton-head!

Back in the 70's I passed by a field in Yorkshire. It was covered in all these critters that were either dead or dying from 'toasties'. Looks like a real nasty way to go.

Well, isn't that a nice little bit of animal cruelty!!!

I wuz only quoting Charley, and exclaiming in horror.

A bear and a rabbit are both having a crap in the woods. " Don't you find it sticks to your fur ? " asks bear. " No " replies Mr Wabbitt, So the bear picks him up and wipes.

Simply a 'charmin' little joke...

Well, DUH! We're trying to FORGET the blankety-blank BATH! This is how we choose to do it.

Say, if you didn't find the repartee invigorating, you wouldn't be here reading this drivel anyway, would you?!?

I hate to tell you this, but a summary of the bath + a couple of lousy pictures is scheduled to appear in the DIY blog in a couple of weeks. AGHHHH ! 'Invigorating' is a great word. There is mention in the link. That'll take your mind off the 'B' word !

Concur - a whole lotta...

and traces to be found...

! My BB costs £10/pm ( I just bargained themdown from £18), so ignoring the electrical usage, I get quite a good deal on you !

Ah, yes, Disneyland - a people trap operated by a mouse. And my Mrs. insists we'll go to Disneyworld (<100 miles away now, so I'm all out of excuses) for her birthday. Which is Groundhog's Eve, which is Friday. So I'll let you know next week just how little fun is discounted these days...

I suppose Groundhog's Day is strictly speaking an American celebration, though, isn't it?

I've never been to a Theme Park ( I don't think Wicksteed Park really counts as themed, but it was enough to put me off in the early 60's), though one of my Sisters likes going to Florida every other year with her kids. The mere thought of the queues makes me shudder. Hope you all have fun though ( Do Disney really have 'morality Police' to keep out the undesirable looking ?)

We don't do Groundhog day, but we do have Bonfire night when we don't do much except watch fireworks and worry about the early appearance of X-mas stuff in shops*.

* Moaning about the early appearance of Easter/Halloween/X-mas tat is second only to weather in Brit conversation. Third is probably nostalgia, which fills in so we can hark back to last years events. It possibly amounts to a Groundhog Year !

I don't know if they still have the morality politza or not, but several years ago at the original California park some friends of mine who were about as strait-laced as they come were denied entry to the parking lot because they had a bead-and-feather decorated alligator clip hanging from their rear view mirror that was said to look like a 'roach clip'. My friends didn't even know what that meant until I () explained to them what it was...they just thought it looked cool. Guess we'll see if my pony tail passes muster...

I'd only heard about this from reading Freak Brothers comics. Here's an interesting take on morality , only problem is that Disney didn't write a lot of the stuff they produced.Hmmm. Here's a Disney production that left me slightly baffled.

Ah, yes, the phabulous phurry phreak bros! Skeed Pills! Uh, I mean Peed Skills! No, no, that's Keed Spills! Uhh...oh, nemmamind...

That does have to be the most obscure Disney animation - after all, only an estimated 93 million girls saw it... Shoot! But definitely an oddity - some of the industrial production films made during the war years were oddball fun, haven't seen many, nor any for years, but they were great!

My favorite Disney flick is Fantasia (love the dancing Chinese mushrooms and the pink ballerina hippos in tutus!), followed by Song of the South (zip-ah-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ayyy). Some of the nature films (non-animated) like 'The Living Desert' had scenes that were staged, not really "natural", but done well, and close to the truth in most cases.

Skid Pills ? Is that ZAP-talk for acid? Rev-talk for "Speed Kills"?

One of the comix had a "public service ad" inside the back cover, Fat Freddy trying to warn kids that "Speed Kills". But he was, of course, far too stoned to ever hope to get it right. Those were the Stengalese versions (or pispropouncinations) that I remembered... Thanx for the .jpg file! Cool cartune.

Hmmm...I wonder if Phineas and vermin are cousins? I note a similarity of resemblance in their appearance.

Gilbert Shelton was one of the co-founders of ZAP magazine, (together with Robert Crumb) which by itself was one seriously insane publication, fondly cherished by potheads of the early seventies, myself included.

Their level of sick-puppy humor was way beyond calling even an imaginary web persona, be it Kris or anyone else, a figment of their imagination, so sick it was.

Of course, I cannot quote anything here in fear of being banished for good, but suffice would be to refer to one particular revelation, - issue one, page six...

Looks more like 'separated at birth' to me ! ( I only said 'looks' vermin, calm down )

The most infamous of these is the one about the North country. Disney people paid 50¢ a lemming to the Inuit children for lemmings. Then the shot of them running through the snow was filmed on a very large turntable. Finally, the scene of the lemmings plunging into the water was achieved by a bunch of people behind the lemming herd, pushing from behind!

Yes, the morality police still do exist. Let's face it, if mom, dad, and little Genny are going to have the time of their lives in the "happiest place on Earth," they have to be pretty strict about who comes in.

When was the last time you were at a county fair with a midway? You can feel the tension in the air! A whole lot of people have come just looking for a fist fight! And little Genny is not going to be exposed to that kind of atmosphere in a Disney park.

By the way, both Disney parks are built with a honeycomb of passages and rooms underneath, with well disguised entrances. I'm guessing if anyone even acts tough in a Disney park, they're hauled underground, and never heard from again!

By the way, next to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, there is an unmarked door. IF you can gain entrance, it leads to a private restaurant - the only place to get liqueur in Disneyland. Walt would entertain national dignitaries in there. Funny thing is, Walt had all the tables bugged. He liked to excuse himself, go to the back, and listen in on the conversations!!!

"...the only place to get liqueur..."

Maybe true once, and maybe still true in Anaheim, but the Orlando EPCOT International Pavilion has all manner of beer, wine, and in 'Norway', even aquavit available by the glass or (to take home) bottle. Yummy stuff! The rest of it is all probably true...

Well, come on... We're talking Florida here, for God sakes!!! Florida children are raised by intoxicated parents, and they all know what spousal abuse looks like!

You've been watching too much CSI Miami and Miami Mice - our population is 51% >65 years old and 13% <18. We don't have that many parents...it's all for the touristas.

Don't let him get away with it Enviroman ! Florida is the 'drunken', 'abusive',or 'fat' state, so what is California ? Tell me, tell me ! Kent is know as the 'Garden County' - they clearly didn't see the condition of mine ! Gimme some in-fighting guys. I once read all the state nicknames (Schotts Miscellany, I think), but it would be great to hear the real names. Will they have an extra big celebration in Arizona soon ?

Don't worry, he's got nothing! It's the capitol of old people from New York, and the capitol for people that pray on old people from New York.

It's hurricane central, but that's nothing to brag about. A bunch of drunk college students infest it during the Easter holiday, but those are only the ones good looking enough to appear in a bathing suit. All the rest are swilling down illegal doses of cough medicine and hiding under their beds back at school!

Heck, they can't even keep the swamps alive and thriving. AND THEIR GOVERNER IS THE BROTHER OF THE PRESIDENT!!! Wow! that would want me to raise a glass in pride! No sir! No gay manatees in this state, thank you!!!

This may explain why I can think of lots of songs about California, but none about Florida. Which (out of them all) is the most hideous state to live in ? Brit allegiances are usually based upon where a person spent their formative years. Having moved about a fair bit, I lampoon all UK regions equally. Most Brits do this, the focus of attention usually being accents. Many Brits will change accent depending upon where they are, but mine remains a mish-mash of all sorts. It's still fairly common to find people who've never travelled more than 50 miles from where they live. I knew one old boy who only once travelled outside the village he was born in, and even then he refused to get out of the car !

"I knew one old boy who only once travelled outside the village he was born in, and even then he refused to get out of the car!"

Must have been the gypsy in him...

My 'midwestern twang' is a product of my Iowegian (as Iowa natives are often called) childhood. But I have also lived in Nebraska, Kansas, Nevada, California (southern and northern), Colorado, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Florida, with significant amounts of time spent in Louisiana, Texas, South Dakota, New York, Washington, Oregon, and Arizona. Since a child, I have had an ability to mimic accents readily. After a few hours in a place, I can nearly sound like a native; New Englander, Brooklynite, Tidewaterer, Minnesotan, Southerner, Texan, what have you. Also applies to other countries, to the extent I speak the language.

I near bust my mouth saying Iowegian !

Sounds like 'Norwegian', but with an 'Io' (eye-oh) in front of the 'wegian' (wee-gee-un). So, Eye-oh-wee-gee-un. Save the mouth for better things...which I shall leave to the imaginations (imm-aj-inn-ay-shuns) of the public. We'll see if said public can manage to get the gutter out of their minds...

It's easier to pronounce if I imagine sucking a Lemon.

Oh no you don't! I will NOT get roped into any kind of discussion like that, even if all it involves is citrus fruits.

There must be something I don't know here.....hmm....mind in overdrive....

Think, skwirrel, think! Recall Led Zeppelin?

"Squeeze my lemon - make the juice run down my leg."

And a Brit band at that - unmusical sot!

It had so many possibilities..... Anyway, it go's back further than that..... Slide this way........ Oddly, I have a zep compilation sitting on my desk. I don't normally buy compo's, but it was going dirt cheap ( Mothership, £3)

What?! Not a single mention of Bleeding Gums Murphy, and his 1955 album "Sax on the Beach?!" I'm shocked!!!

He's dead - gone to the smoky bar in the sky...

Sure, but who knew you'd ever even heard of Robert Johnson?!? Cool video, thanks for the link! Pretty good for a nut magnet, I must say...

I knew ! Some things just never die.

I'm off to the weekend in a half hour or so, and going to a Doo-Wop music concert with EnviroMrs this evening. No further posts to be expected from me until Monday, subject to change if it rains, which means I'll be in over the weekend. Cheerio!

_{Sounds like 'Norwegian', but with an 'Io' (eye-oh) in front of the 'wegian' (wee-gee-un). So, Eye-oh-wee-gee-un. Save the mouth for better things...which I shall leave to the imaginations (imm-aj-inn-ay-shuns) of the public. We'll see if said public can manage to get the gutter out of their minds...}

One time, when I was younger my friend had a slumber party and brought out a ouija board. We were ouijian all night long.

cr3

ROFLMAO!!! Now imagine that happening in Des Moines - Iowegian ouijian - LOVE IT!

You get a

This seems to be the new thread for all manner of tomfoolery [see title]. Kris's observation about California needs to be expanded to

California the Grapes of Wrath State

I never read/watched that all the way through. Did the Okies make it OK ? My favourite California-related song is by Maze (Look at California), but there are plenty to choose from.

A new phrase has been added to my personal lexicon ; 'Super-Guru' for whoever can find a song with 'Florida' in the title. An SG should be able to locate any type of trivia or fact (useful or otherwise).

I don't think the old State song can be allowed since it was rejected for the slightly embarassing one, and is fairly easy to find. However, the info about Wile E Coyoye speaking was worthy of SG status - entertaining/obscure etc. If the powers that be ever introduce ratings for good research, a vote is reserved in your name Garthh.

How about the song 'Florida' by Diplo on the CD of the same name (2004) on the Big Dada label? Go to:

< http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=6762285&cart=679800821 >

Does this get me a banana?

It's close, but.....NO ! I couldn't hear anybody sing the word 'Florida'. Ok, I didn't specify 'sing', but that was my conundrum. What could be rhymed with 'Florida' ? 'Horrider' ? Best hush my insulting mouth. Lots of Brits love the place, it's just a shame they don't go outside of Disney.

From your message #205:

"A new phrase has been added to my personal lexicon ; 'Super-Guru' for whoever can find a song with 'Florida' in the title." (Emphasis mine...)

My submittal had nothing BUT 'Florida' in the title. Are you going to become a cheese-parer on me now?!?

I'll try ! My studies of pedantry may pay off yet.... I said "..in the title" not "...as the title". Oh go on then consider yourself Super-Gurufied.

How about "Cledus went down to Florida" ? The chances are fading for would-be SG's.

"...studies of pedantry..." ?!?

Is that legal? Or moral? I know you Brits have a much more relaxed attitude than we seem to, but REALLY!

I concur - there can't be very many more songs with Florida in (OR as) the title. Which may be the good news...

Legal ? Moral ? ROFL.

My bad - skwirrels haven't even GOT morals, have they? And are as cognizant of laws as were these other forest dwellers...

Yeah, but they were the good guys !

And when did I say you were NOT one of the good guys? Silly nut magnet!

But I want to be bad ! I'm going to have to don my cape again before I loose what credibility is left.

Hadn't you heard? 'Bad' IS the new 'good'! Keep away from THIS cape...