Where to Put Food on the Grill for Perfection Every Time

This is the most ridiculous thing I have read in quite a while...

Every backyard BBQ master know that you start with three times as much coal as is probably necessary, give it fifteen minutes or so (the steel body of the grill should be glowing bright red), and toss a hunk of cow onto the warping steel grate. The orientation of the meat on the grate doesn't really matter, it's going to be thoroughly cooked. Whole potatoes should be dropped right into the coals (Alum foil? Are you kidding me?) for about half an hour; these can be scooped out with a shovel with long enough of a handle that only second degree burns are likely. Black layers of charred spud can be cracked off, and you will find a white nugget in the center about the size of a pecan: this will be raw.

THAT is how you use a grill.