Off Topic Post

Snatch

See what I mean? Lewd and lascivious words. And then there's THIS!!!!

son of S. Creamcheese

Sorry Suzie, thought it said violins on TV. Nevermind Oh, but do check out , " retired , no title" thread

Dontcha hate when that happens?

_{Edo and Grumpy....sounds like a law firm}

I'm reminded of a bridge scrape in Queens when I was 12'3" and sign clear for a turn into 12'1" and started to scrape boxtop. Stopped and had to back out and find a new way.

Once drove an engine to BWI from FLL at 13'6". These trips were challenging.

P.S. Just cause glass is clear, doesn't mean it's not heavy.

You were 12'3"? Are you from Pandora?

Never mind the height, just count them legs !

Luckily for you it also did to the Rōninkai, and the Ninja are re-tasked the to the creator of that "technical travesty". But the threat to alert to ER is still on the table.

Kh, I hope that you are finding time to enjoy some of what the venue has to offer, and are not completely drowning in meetings. But, avoid the stranger vending machines.Or the vending machine strangers. Or the machines that vend strangers.Oh, nevermind, send pics. Wink, nod; nudge, nudge. -------P.

Ok, just got back from 600 mile round trip , by the way the crow drives, visiting stepson and fambly in JAX. So , I'm tired and not hittin' on all cylinders. The locale sounds Dutch, so i was thinking sumplace in the former Dutch East Indies, but when googling, Tasman pops up, so mebbe he's hangin' with the ghost of Errol, waaay down under. I'm stumped. Packdrill

Excellent - ^{_{thatyourstumpedthatis}}

I turned right, shoulda grabbed a handful of left rudder, full speed ahead, damn the Maori; Mandrake, steer a course to 36 deg. 52 min. 0 sec. S, 174 deg. 46' 0 " E . And keep a lookout for that wily bastard KH.

ooooh geography

40°43′47″N 73°15′13″

Third and Hubbard?

Is common knowledge chicks are not good at math.

Obviously taller than 50 feet. Mebbe 50 Arshin

I thought you were into geology, not geography?

hey, that's a-pretty good, boss. Gotta go, gotta get my arshin gear.

bwaaaahahahahahahahahaha

_{oops, almost gave myself away}

Ha. Very good riposte' ,

I'm still thinking this is 'neck and neck', as, like math tests, "the working needs to be shown", or it could be just a lucky guess.

One for Lyn's Turkey Day Be much more fun if they fought like this

post 606.

wunner how they'd say that in NZ.

Tart

Score another for the lovely lady.

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.


Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

I'm Pretty sure all that Schitt glows in the dark, but doesn't stink

what about the cousin from the east Tu

not from the edge,, too coherent.

A priest decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon, so he placed four worms into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the priest reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead;
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead;
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead;
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the priest asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration???"

A child sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said: "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Saw a great clip form an American Classroom; The kids (infant grade) had been taught all about the wedding at Canna and all that. Small girl, upon being asked what lesson she had learned - "When you run out of wine, get on yer knees and pray to Jesus". Impeccable logic.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.


The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.



There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.



But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.



"Janie, do you have a story to share?'



''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.



She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.



She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.



She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.



She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.



''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.



'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

this has become our own little literary corner

Draw bubbles.

(Includes shoes ).

"If we can't punish him, then what about kids that did bring (a weapon) for bad things?" Jankowski said.

And now, and Christmas poem:

The Twelve Solar Days of Christmas

• On the first day of Christmas my industry gave to me: An extension of the grant in lieu of ITC eligibility.

• On the second day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Thin-film bankability.

• On the third day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Volume CPV commercial entry.

• On the fourth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Margins that allow for profitability.

• On the fifth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Five... new... FiTs!

• On the sixth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Full capital market recovery.

• On the seventh day of Christmas my industry gave to me: BLM fast track priority.

• On the eighth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: True price of fossil fuel visibility.

• On the ninth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Standards for installation quality.

• On the tenth day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Commercial CIGS at low cost and 15% efficiency.

• On the eleventh day of Christmas my industry gave to me: Cost-efficient storage for CSP.

• On the twelfth day of Christmas my industry gave to the three billion people in the developing world: Life-changing electricity.

I didn't know there were three billion people in America ?!

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion .

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia ... the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted ... Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Last, but not least,..............Acupuncture is a jab well done!

!

That's really grate!

Finally! A scientific advance with real meaning!!! _{I can't wait....}

mmmm

I'm considering a new thread as a prank

a simple unassuming little post that would require reading & comprehension

my mixer thing has taken lots of restraint on my part

I really want to shout:

READ THE FUQKING OP & STOP TRYING TO REDEFINE THE PROBLEM

but after all I'm the 1st one to sneer & poke fun when an OP gets pissy about the cross talk.

Toilet Robot Saves Water, Earth In The Process

why can't I write headlines like that?

What? Massive over claiming? Nar - I much prefer your Editorial position.

How d'ya know when you've just passed an elephant?.....cant put the lid down <slap>....why have elephants got big ears?....

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..Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom

Liked that first link

_{the second one tricked me}

Cultural references can be so bewildering........

I know - teach me to go all "well read".

_{Isat sushi being trucked on a trencher?}

Tekka maki. With some sake.

I had to look that up

.

_{(Anyone round here doin' a survey?)}

any of first 5 ?

They all OK.

Cool Boots

MISS DIMPLE: Law offices of Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel. You want to speak to Mr. Ravelli? He's not in now, Madam. Mr. Flywheel's here. Oh, you don't want to speak to Mr. Flywheel? Groucho: Who doesn't want to speak to Mr. Flywheel? Give me that phone, Miss Dimple. I'll show her a thing or two. So, Madam, you don't want to speak to me? No, this isn't Ravelli. This is Flywheel. 'F' like in Flywheel, 'l' like in fly, 'y' like in Flywheel, 'wheel' like in wheel cutlet, and 'fly' like in milk. Listen, Madam, I'll have none of your lip, but I'll take an ear of corn. Goodbye! (Door opens) Mrs. Brittenhouse: Oh, Mr. Flywheel, I simply love the things you say.

Groucho: Oh, Mrs. Brittenhouse - I know you'll think me a sentimental old softie, but would you give me a lock of your hair? Mrs. Brittenhouse (coyly): Why, Mr. Flywheel! Groucho: I'm letting you off easily - I was going to ask you for the whole wig.

Leprechauns and cheese burgers - so much to work out and so little time. Can cheese burgers have bacon? Or are they just a sesame thing filled with cheese and dill? Or izat the other one?

Dill's the thing that really puts me off Leprechauns. Don't like the flavour, and it repeats on me for hours, if not days. Swear I'll never eat another one.

Are you sure?

I'll let you know when I see her in action with the dill.

Izzat a Bottomless Pit?

Izzat his real name?

Nar - this iz bottomless pit

An I believe that is his real name.

Al Murray recently described the Eiffel Tower as, "a waste of perfectly good Meccano". Though much amused, I'm not so sure about it being a waste. The folk who program ICBMs for various cities must find it useful to have a very specific location .

It's just occurred to me that ground zero might be best if it were slightly outside the 'target area'; Total wipe-out/pancaking is fine, but disruption and chaos is better. Leave the enemy panic stricken etc. About 10-50 miles away seems about right, which is now somewhat worrying to me. Hythe is shorter to spell then Harlow, and they might just go for the quickest to spell option . I hope to crap that the 'Young General', or whoever, reads CR4 and understands who's loss would be more devastating to the free world ! Also, bombing the coast would waste half the effect. Shame what might happen to Randall's garden shed, but that's collateral for ya.

Ooo - Pamda-vears with fat kegs esting snakes! Thouhht they et banboo .

_{Whete's mu glasses?}

_{shhhhh....'e's goin' unner cover.....}

In the course of a conversation I was having recently with a mechanically-inclined friend, who happens to be an erstwhile self-employed kitchen and bathroom fitter, the subject of the fragmentation of a cast-iron bath arose.

He recommended that the bath be covered with a stout dustsheet and, working from the region of the waste orifice, a cold chisel be used (with a 4lb hammer) to propagate cracks towards the periphery of the bath, eventually (unequally) bisecting the same. The process to be repeated until the fragments were small enough to easily be manhandled from the premises.

Yea, verily, the most off-topic post on this thread.

How odd, my off topic post has been put off topic.

Could this be a new sport?

Curious that it should score 5. (I just checked - it definitely wasn't you wot dun it).

the boobage probably drew the ire of certain powers that be

I see spidey curious vaporized in the night too

Is she a sport?

2min25sec

Oh, woe! Sackcloth and ashes for me!

Just noticed I've ruptured an infinitive in a most heinous manner. Had I but one-fourth the wit with which I was born!

Woe, woe and thrice woe.

I blame the Ruddles.

Calm down, JD. They can fix that by simple laparoscopic surgery these days.

Now I'm even more afeared.

200 GAs for yew!!! I'll buy yew a beverage when next we meet in the Bath.

Yer on! Ni' night.

Ruttles!

Look, this is a place for grown up people. You know exactly where to go - put down the cigarette, and step aside from the whisky. Yes, you know the routine, mind your head and step into the bath.

This just in: Hickory the Scottish Deerhound wins Westminster Best of Show .-------------------Yayyyy!----Huzzah!--------Go Caledonia!

Caledonia

an it's about time something other than a one-hander took top prize at Westminster.

Enjoyed the musical interlude, but I would like more cowbellbanjo added..

And less radium.

Banjo.

Squeal Like a Pig