Engineering Sayings and Catchphrases

PEBCAK - Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

Final decision on a question of product safety from the legal department: We have concluded that it is the customer's responsibility.

If I turn this, that falls off. "Don't turn that".

Or even 'how hard could it be'

You can count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they've tried every other option.

"I don't know why, its just common sense."

"shut up, and just do it the way I told you."

"in all my years experience I have never seen anyone build that way, it can't be built that way"

"I don't care what the contract drawings say, we didn't bid for that"

"That is not what we bid to do, that is a changed condition"

"He didn't tell me we had to have that inspected"

"I need it by the end of the day on my desk". That was Friday and it's still on the desk Monday morning.

Hardware Engineer: "It's a software problem"

Software Engineer: "It's a hardware problem"

Or SMOP

...Small Matter of Programming.

From upper manager: "Ask forgiveness, not permission"

From a manager who got a reply he didn't like in a staff meeting: "Let's take this off-line."

Statement: " I bet your replacement can figure it out"

Meaning: I'm a friggin idiot that couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel - so I'll result to sarcasm, humiliation and threatening your career to put you in panic mode as a last ditch effort to make myself look good.

couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel.
Oh yeah, that's a keeper.

I love going out onto production for the crimp tool and tags and asking...
'Have you got the crimps?' and getting a chorus of ...
'No I always walk this way'
Good old carry on film humour.
Del

couldn't pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel. Bob

It looks like you guys have it just about all covered, thanks for the laughs. I have a friend that taught me one that left me speechless though. You lie to your friends …...I'll lie to my friends, but lets not to each other, my friend

It's Only Software

Living the Dream! (Aviation catch phrase for work that has run into the following day)

If we were smart enough to fix it, it wouldn't be broken in the first place

9 guys or 90, you still can't get a baby in a month

Wow, unless I missed it in my read of the m - a - n - y good responses, I like this one:

You can have it fast, cheap or good. Pick any two.

Senior eng to junior eng.

Don´t confuse me with facts.

"If it looks, smells, feels, and tastes toxic --- it probably was"

A bad decision on your part

Does not constitute an emergency on my part

Measure twice; cut once; curse once; cut again

Preventive Maintenance Motto: If it ain't broke, fix it anyway.

In my 40 odd year technical career I've heard and used these :

"If all else fails ring 'John Laws'."

(John Laws was an Oz Shock Jock/Agony Aunt and was on nationally syndicated Talk Back Radio for over 40 years and always had an answer for everything...)

"If all else fails read the instructions."

"If all else fails refer to higher authority." (Military reference)

"Tune for maximum smoke." ( RF )

"Light blue touche paper stand well back." (I usually use this when powering something up for the first time)

"That'll buff out.."

"That model is bad for it... "(Used mostly in the car trade)

"I love technology when it works..."

"I love it when a plan comes together.."

"I'll get my people to talk to your people, maybe they could do lunch sometime.."

"I'll get one of the 2 banana howler monkeys on to it..."

"That bad huh,, well you wouldn't of had that problem if you'd bought X instead of Y"...

"Yes all our staff are certified....". Certified nutbags..

When summoned before management (or headmaster) for no know sin.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"No"

"Well you need to work that out for yourself."

What about?

If it doesn't fit, hit it.

If it still doesn't fit, hit it harder

Paulus

My dad used to say "Don't FORCE it! Get a bigger hammer!"

1) Post by "Guest" - hy all -how to do ohmn s laws for testing?

2) "damn plastic s**t - they used to make these out of metal"

3) "now stand clear - if I get hung up on this busbar - hit me with that two by four!" ^{_{or four by two depending on your orientation}}

4) "F**k!!! - I hope we have spares."

5) "...that's funny - it worked when I bench tested it."

6) "black to black, white to white - no mixed marriages" _{(politically incorrect electrician's catchphrase)}

7) (from atop a ladder 30' up) - "Here - catch"

8) "If there's any more than 2 wires - cut the rest off"

9) "how do you expect me to get way the f**k up there?... hop on a broomstick and fly like a witch?"

10) _{my favorite} "It's got both SAE and Metric fasteners on the damn thing - why don't they standardise already - and chose one or the other?"

Joe: "no problem - we can fix that with some 'glit'"

Bob: "what's 'glit'?"

Joe: "glue and sh*t"

WARNING! - 10,000 OHMS!

Safety spotter giving directions to heavy equipment operator - "go ahead, back up."

...just wondering if any engineers with the name 'Murphy' get much work?...

No the other left...

"If it don't fit -- Force it. It it breaks -- You needed a new one any way"

'Bang on and a bit over' is a measurment I like.
Especially as a wine or beer measurement.
Or 'an inch foot by a thick wide'
Del

"measurement"

Just out by (or within) "a gnats cock"

Or

" Bees Dick"

"Nano Pube" (Hi-tec upgrade)

Somebody must have killed a priest on this site.

Nooo ... 'tis the priest that does the killing.

Name plate on bosses desk:

HHWAIC

= Head Honcho What Are In Charge

-----------------------------------

Me on an optimistic morning:

"Where there's a William, There's a way"

Don't ask about evening.

Bill

That brings to mind MOMFIC and MFWIC. These are out of vogue now. Not politically correct.

I guess not momfic

MFWIC

A number of electricians together is normally refered to here as a 'shower of sparks'

Had Moe, Larry and Curly been Electricians, they would have to have been named Arc, Spark and Zap!

Let's fire it up and see why it doesn't work.

I like the elegant simplicity and accuracy of that one.
I'll add one of my electronics ones...
"Hardware seldom works first time, software never does".
Del

Nothing dies faster than a new idea in a closed mind.

"no pressure...no flow..."

Perfect for everything from project management to paperwork to pumps and piping...

For constipation???

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

couldn't budget, and had to work it out with a pencil.

I don't know whether to laugh or groan... I'll go with laugh.

...dropped your pencil?

Concerning software: If you haven't tried it, it doesn't work.

A problem solving methodology routinely used by engineers to arrive at an answer: WAG = wild ass guess.

A more precise methodology used when necessary: SWAG = scientific wild ass guess.

If you want peace, you must prepare for war.

It fits where it touches, what more do you want?

THE space orbiter lost as it neared Mars after travelling 416 million miles in nine months came to grief because of a simple mathematical error, it was revealed yesterday.

A mix-up over converting acceleration figures from English to metric measurements meant the craft probably got too close to Mars.

It then either crashed on the surface or broke up in the atmosphere. Yesterday in America, NASA NASA: see National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

NASA
in full National Aeronautics and Space Administration

Independent U.S. chief Tom Gavin said of its biggest mistake in a decade: "It does not make us feel good that this happened. We are looking at our entire process."

If the competition is now for understatement: I think the captain of the British Airways Flight 9 which was completely disabled by volcanic ash may take the prize:-

Due to the high Indonesian mountains on the south coast of the island of Java, an altitude of at least 11,500 feet (3,500 m) was required to cross the coast safely. The crew decided that if the aircraft was unable to maintain altitude by the time they reached 12,000 feet (3,700 m) they would turn back out to sea and attempt to ditch into the Indian Ocean. The crew began the engine restart drills, despite being well above the recommended maximum engine in-flight start envelope altitude of 28,000 feet (8,500 m). The attempts failed.

Despite the lack of time, Moody made an announcement to the passengers that has been described as "a masterpiece of understatement":^[3][4]

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Airways_Flight_9

R.T.F.M.

Read the f***ing manual!

"I'm a troubleshooter - if anyone gives me any trouble, I shoot 'em"

I just stumbled across this and I like to add to it.........

Growing up, My mom would say, "I have to go to the beautician ^{(Now its called hair salon)} and to get my hair fixed!

As a 12 years old, my reply was: "Oh, I didn't realize it was broken!"

At the Shipyard some of the saying were.

If you don't break anything, your not working!