What are Your Favorite Sayings about Work & Life?

'Everyman is his own safety officer!'
'The man who never made a mistake never made anything'
'If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question'
'I hate this phone system....'

Del

Just paging through the archives and came across this…

your comment of The man who never made a mistake never made anything'

early in my career, I was a CNC programmer, and instead of using software to program the machines, my boss wanted me to program by hand. Using macros and loops.

i was pretty good, even though it took quite a bit of time they were surprised how flawless it was, until…

it was a multiple head machine, and when I switch heads, I switch the head code but I’m put the wrong code to shut the active head down… we had multiple machines. With different codes for this.

so now I had (2) heads active. And when it continued, I crashed the head and bend the retaining rod that held the tool holder in… $15,000 part.

i felt really bad and disappointed, until the operator told me, hey, if you ain’t breaking stuff around here, you not working.

he went to our tool storage and brought out a new one,… it did happen before.

they got me on the programming software, where what took me 2-3 days of programming by hand, I could have programmed and create the routing sheet in about hour and a half.

of which is a saying I came up with which is…

your worse experience is usually your best… but it doesn’t seem that way at the time.

Safety first, accidents second!

Be the duck.

Why does (insert manufacturer of choosing) hate me?

(insert manufacturer of choosing) is the devil!

Bill Clinton it to AL Gore! (used usually after hurting oneself)

Steam is the devil.

Steam pipes are the devil.

Don't panic

Remember kids, if you suck butts, your insides will turn black and then you die.

What's "Be the Duck." mean? I was once asked to "Be the Glue." which implied I was to hold things together while the boss was gone.

Be the duck- water rolls right off a ducks back, if you've got somebody hassling you or are overloaded at work, don't let it soak in and get to you, let it roll off.

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

-Courtesy of my mother who didn't want to see me get hurt.

"Even a blind chicken gets a piece of corn once in a while."

-Courtesy of my father, every time I won and he lost.

Similar to "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile".

There was this thing that couldn't be done.

They said he couldn't do it!

He tackled this thing that couldn't be done.

He couldn't do it!

"Shit happens."

"If you work here and you're not panicking, you don't have a clue as to what is actually going on."

"You don't need to be a brain to be a boss, just an asshole."

"The dumbest people in any organization are always placed where they will do the least damage: middle management.' (The Dilbert Principle)

"If anything can go wrong, it will in the worst possible way at the worst possible time." (Murphy's Law)

"Oh boy!!!!"

"Okay, RUN!!!!"

you dont stop playing beacause you get old.........you get old beacause you stop playing

1. Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer

2. It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission (see number 1 above)

3. Life is short. Always drive a cool car.

4. Murphy's Law of racing and pro rallying: Whatever you are prepared to fix will never break.

"engage brain before opening mouth" (there speaks experience !)

"If you think somebody else is acting dim, consider stuff you did when younger"

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".

"Shortcuts cut the deepest"

"Follow, lead or get out of the way"

"If you suspect a hazmat spill don't rush in to help."

Love it - have a vote - from a guy that is expected to.

Mine is kiss principle; as in "keep it simple stupid"

Dare never trying new ideas-it makes your job easier and productive.

Brain is the best gift- keep using it.

Work is the fourth basic need of humans without which we all shall go mad.

KARMA IS DHARMA[ fair accomplishment of duty is an ethical need]

Enjoy being creative at your work- If one feels he is the best, the rottening days are on.

Read, learn, think ,apply and make best correlations of all your observations.

There are always better choices on doing things much better than now. Tie your own carrot bunch before you.

It's not a requirement to be mad to work here (put the company name you prefer).... but it helps!!!

"yes, dear, of course, you're quite corect." _{it may not always be true, but it keeps me alive.}

"The work will teach you how to do it."

"Respect and be respected."

SSDD

Same Shit Different Day!

"Neither youth nor old age are achievements"

"I'm sure you must be right" (said with deep sincerity to silence idiots)

"I agree with you 100%.... so what shall we do?" (change opinion into action)

"In years to come we'll all look back and laugh about this."

From the songs of Tom Lehrer:

Life is like a sewer: What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Plagiarze, plagiarize, plagiarize--but, please, always call it research.

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

We the Willing

Lead by the Unknowing

Are doing the Impossible

For the Ungrateful.

We have done so much

with so little

for so long,

We are now qualified to do Anything with Nothing at all.

Those who don't believe in life after death should be here at quitting time.

Life's a bitch, and then you get to die.

The day you wake up and don't hurt, you're dead.

"The large print giveth...._{^{the fine print taketh away"}} (my accountants way of saying good morning to me)

"The meek shall inherit the Earth..........._{^{but not the mineral rights"}} (my way of avoiding sermons and saying good morning to my accountant).................

"Yes, dear"...._{^{25 yrs. being married to a redhead....}}

The way it's going... The meek don't want it!

Murphy's first law of electronics;

The transistor will invariably fail to save the fuse.

O'Rieley's statement on Murphy;

He appears to be the eternal optimist.

Just a side note on that topic . . . I was testing some 2N2222's in a metal case once to see just how much current it could handle, after not failing at 2 amps for over a minute, I said, "That's gotta be hot." So I tested it with the end of my little finger, and I'll bet if the lights were off I would have noticed that it was glowing dull red. Moral of the story? Before you put your finger somewhere, think about what you just said.

I did that once. Now I always put some saliva on my finger first, that hissing sound gives you just enough warning to pull back.

1. Don't confuse efforts with results

2. Better to be silent and thought a fool, then to open ones mouth and remove all doubt

3. see quote below

Nuffin' to do wiv me mate

"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong - the amount of work is the same"

...and I wish I knew to whom to attribute the above quote.

Rejection doesn't fret me;

I hug trees

when they let me.

(my own saying)

If you work here...You must be stupid

This place sucks

If I knew anything, I'd have a real job.

It is not what you know, its who you blow

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."

"When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all."

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"Yeah, but will it fit?"

"Yeah, but will it fit?"

Yes, but is it Art?

Failure to plan on your behalf, does not constitute a state of emergency on mine!

Coughing and sneezing does not prove your sick. My parrot sounds more convincing!

"Failure to plan on your behalf, does not constitute a state of emergency on mine!"

I like the saying, however, I think its only true when the person you are saying it to is not in the chain of command above you.

About work:

About life:

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. -Henry David Thoreau

My life motto is "We all make choices" - meaning, for better or worse, we chose to do things, so we must deal with the consequences of whatever we decide. This motto is not very reassuring when the chips are down though, lemme tell you.

and lastly, "Let your freak flag fly. If someone doesn't get you, move on." - Drew Barrymore

Switch it off....................NOW!!!

If its on the shelf....its not earning anything

I have more meaningful conversations with my border terrier.....(quote to supplier)

Advice given to me by my boss after I had worked for him for seven years after I graduated from engineering college, and quit the company.

"Don't be so sweet that people will devour you,and don't be so bitter that people will spit you out.

I like a few things my Dad used to say: "Now you know," generally after a major malfunction or screw-up, and "If you go fishing often enough, you'll catch something sooner or later," which had something or other to do with promiscuity, and "Men can't have babies, and you can't put toothpaste back in a tube," (the last for my sisters' edification).

I'm carrying on the tradition . . .

I left out another I heard quite often just after my father returned from WWII: "SNAFU."

General advice and fairly common knowledge is to not run from a bear, and I don't know who came up with the idea or said it first, but I have always liked the story about two guys who were walking through the forest in NW USA when one guy told the other, "You know not to run from a bear if we see on, don't you? You can't outrun a bear."

To which the other guy said, "The hell with that; I'm running! All I have to do is outrun you!"

"Never put your finger where you could never fit your thumb"

"Are you new?"

"That's funny, it worked fine the last time I did it like that"

"Is it suppose to make that noise?"

"The guy before me said it was OK"

"Living the dream"

"Does this smell funny to you?"

"Suck it up buttercup"

"In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists."Eric Hoffer"

Small things amuse small minds......but smaller minds watch!

To a man holding a hammer every problem looks like a nail.

A stitch in times saves nine; but if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Look before you leap; but he who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light the work, but too many cooks spoil the broth.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

You guys have put together a motherlode of good stuff. I wish for all of our sakes that there weren't as much cynicism about work situations....but that's life.....

I collect a lot of these kinds of quotations. But only 3 have made it to the walls of my workspace:

1. The great talents will tell you all because they are so creative and so on top of their game that they are already creating tomorrow's answers. Only the lesser talents say "That is a secret". ..... Josh Jensen, Calera Wines. SJ Mercury News, 9-25-99

2. Remember the 5 simple rules to be happy:Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live Simply; Give more; Expect less

3. Next week we've got to get organized.

Ed Weldon

"You need a busload of faith to get by" - Lou Reed

Never forget the ABC's of safety

Always

Be

Careful

1. You must WANT to succeed BEFORE you can.

2. If you think experience is expensive, wait till you find out what the novice costs you.

and here is another:

Rule of Thumb

1. There is a Rule for everything

2. There is always an exception to the Rule

3. The Boss is still the Boss

4. Remember Rule number 1

You don't even know enough to know enough! (My Dad's chemistry teacher)

I'm so far ahead of you, I make your tomorrow look like my yesterday.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you work with a bunch of turkeys.

Oh no! You did it just like I told you to! (Engineer to night shift foreman the next morning)

I've heard of small talk, but this is microscopic.

I have said a couple of things similar to the ones you proffered:

This one in reference to myself: "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you've stayed out all night eating mice with the owls."

This one in reference to a few folks I have met and worked with: "He's so dumb he doesn't know he's dumb!"

Beam me up Scotty

Amen! And Live long and Prosper to you!

Beam me up Scotty, no sign of intelligent life

When I was a part of the work force, I used to come into work grumpy. I didn't say squat to anyone unless they addressed me first. Then I saw a person who was always happy and greeted everyone first thing in the morning. I asked him why he was always happy. He said it was all a matter of attitude. If you present a happy face to others, they will reciprocate. I started to give a cheerful greeting every morning to whomever crossed my path. In a while, I started to see changes in myself and the people around me; people who previously were grumpy like me. A good attitude is contagious. It allows people who have to work together to do so more efficiently and get along with each other better. During the day and at the end of the day, there will be less stress.

A couple of my favorite sayings are:

"Never burn bridges behind you"

"Life is just one damn thing after another".

The key to true success: find something that you like doing well enough that you would pay to get to do it. Then find someone who will pay you for doing it.

The key to a successful marriage: Do everything in your power to make a good woman think she is the Queen of the Universe. She will make sure you are the King of Oak Street. (cf: Kenny Rogers)

Those are gems from my dad.

My favorite workplace saying is "they don't pay me enough, and I don't pay you enough for anyone to get hurt". Usually in response to one of the guys trying to lift a heavy marine battery (75kg/165lbs) on their own on board some multi-million $ megayacht

Chas

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines"

I believe the credit does to Steven Wright.

No one can first at everything.

Never say "Whoa" in a mud hole!

6 or 1/2 dozen, your pick.

Are you "Nucking Futs"!

Bass ackwards.

Shuff tit!

But that's all frack to bont mate!

This is the all time truism.

There are three types of people in this world.

Those that make things happen, those that watch things happen, and the rest that wondered what the @#!$ just happened...

That there is the fax jacks...

Notice

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Management

I turn to the great Philosopher Homer.

But not the Greek guy - Homer J Simpson:

"I want to share something with you: The three
little sentences that will get you through life.

Number 1: Cover for me.

Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!

Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

#3 I use nearly every day

There never seems to be enough time to do the job right the first time, but there is alway enough time to do over.

You get more done in a week than most people get done in a day!

Don't forget, if you can't get the job done your (boss, customer) will hire someone who can. This one is mine.

It's ok not to know something, but is't not ok, to do nothig about it!

God put me on this earth to do a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I'm gonna live forever.

Fake it 'til you make it.

It's going to get worse before it gets better.

and this one from my G'pa:

If it ain't broke, take it apart and lose some of the pieces, then it will be.

i see you are from the KC area. lot of animals pretty close to you, what does a MO. deer dress out at?, in western kansas a good average would be 150+, carcass wt about 250+, The saying heard a lot when I was younger(a long time ago) was "Mother said there would be days like this--but she didn't say they would come in bunches!"

"There are no stupid questions; just stupid people."

Don't work harder, work smarter!

If I don't know how to do it now, I will by the time I'm finished.

Everyone has to find their own way (don't judge other peoples choices in life)

I'll have to paraphrase it, but I remember an old saying that goes something like this:

"Children are like arrows. Parents must aim them in the right direction, but eventually, they must let them fly on their own."

Roger, your last line reminded me of another one of my fathers' gems.

If you have to 'look busy', why not look 'real busy'?!!

This has enhanced my career a time or two, and was a lot more fun. CJM

"knowledge is knowing which paths to take, wisdom is walking"

Some of my favorite utterings in the workplace....the usually get the other guys chuckling...

1. FUBAR!!!!!!

2. Go piss up a rope will ya???

3. Remember guys, KISS principle applies here!!!!

4. Why does SHIT always rise to the top????

5. For cripes sakes, why don't you slam a window down on it???!!!!

6. Ahhhh.... me thinks that the shit has hit the fan again!!!

7. Quoting actor Bruce Willis from the 1980's-era TV show "Moonlighting": "BOINK BOINK BOINK BOINK BOINK BOINK....."

just a few goodies to share that are clean enough for this venue....LOL

ohhh I forgot these jems:

And you want what when??????

If ever there was a CLUSTERF*CK......

AS dumb a bull with teets!!! (use your imagination)

What are you, the Village IDIOT????

Lord love a duck!!!!

Vidi, Vici, Veni

- Bill Clinton

Or......VENI, VIDI, VISA

Does that have anything to do with a credit card?

Yup! implying.....I came, I saw, I bought as opposed to: I came, I saw, I conquered (Veni, Vidi, Vici...J. Caesar)

That's crazier 'n a bag o' hammers!

To round this off, I am humbled to quote my great Life Guru, Mr Douglas Adams:

(from Mostly Harmless)

Anything that happens, happens.

Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.

Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.

It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

No matter where you go, there you are.

Tim Stairs

That is why you can never be lost. You are always right there.